The Dirty

Shanna Moakler One-On-One With Nik Richie

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Nik Richie: Shanna, how does it feel to be a new member of the Dirty Army?

Shanna: (Laughs) I love it! I think it’s great. I love wearing camo!

Nik Richie: Okay, so now that you’re an Army member, will you officially wear our gear and kick some celebrity ass?

Shanna: (Laughs) OMG, what did I just get myself into? I’m scared.

Nik Richie: Well, I figure if you wear one of our Dirty Army shirts, you can get away with it easier.

Shanna: So, that’s my get out of jail free card? I’m in! Seriously though, everyone has the wrong impression of me. I only have a problem when people are attacking my family or my man. Why do girls always go after married men?

Nik Richie: Yea, we heard you had a little altercation with someone at Carmen Electra’s bbq. Is that true?

Shanna: Yea! I was at this bbq and I saw what I thought was a donkey posing on the stairs but much to my surprise, it was Kim Kardashian. No, wait, it was a donkey! She’s soooo f*cking fat! She’s 5′2″ and she’s like 140. She was wearing a sarong to cover her huge big ass! I like a nice ass but hers is not a nice ass!

Nik Richie: Not nice?! I’m surprised it even fits through a door!

Shanna: Anyway, I saw her and she was standing next to Carmen (Electra) for her press op, of course. I thought I was going to be at this bbq with friends so when I saw her I simply had zero desire to be there. I was walking out but the sheer site of her makes me ill. I actually feel bad for Paris (Hilton). Okay, maybe not, but sort of. This girl totally uses her! I walked by her and just told her that she was lucky to be standing next to Carmen. I was trying to respect her (Carmen Electra) party but then the east coast came out of me and I threw my drink on her (Kim Kardashian). I decided I was tired of being the moral police! I went to grab my things and go when my girlfriend asked me where I was going. I just told her I absolutely didn’t want to be there if that whore was there. Then, Reggie comes up and says (Shanna switches to a Mr. T voice) “YO! Be careful what you say!” And I was like “Your girls a whore!” and he said it again – “Be careful what you say.” and I just told him again – “Your girl’s a whore!” I seriously don’t understand, can someone explain to me why these men defend these girls who literally have a different tongue in them every night?! If your woman wants to f*ck married men and ruin families, you better expect a pissed of ex-wife is going to come out! It floors me when they’re so shocked and awed by this! Ugh, so he (Reggie) came in and was trying to be really nice and I actually liked him! I just felt bad for him because he was defending her and he has no clue why I was event upset. …I’ve got some e-mails he should probably read.

Nik Richie: E-mails?

Shanna: Yea, I have some old e-mails from when someone – Gee, I couldn’t imagine who it could have been! (Laughs) – broke into Kim’s Sidekick and forwarded me all these e-mails where Kim was trying to meet with Travis on the “Low Low” at her sister’s house in Calabasas. They were devastating. Reggie was just trying to talk to me and I was like you can defend your girl but maybe you should read these e-mails! Reggie and Kim were together at the time and I was still with Travis!

Nik Richie: Was it her ugly sister’s apartment? The one that just when to jail? Her sister, the Shim, known as Khloe Kardashian.

Shanna: What the hell is a shim?

Nik Richie: A SHE plus a HIM!

Shanna: (Laughs) I’m so going to start using that! Yes, she’s definitely a SHIM! (Laughs)

Nik Richie: Okay, so you threw a drink in her face. Was it in a Red Cup?

Shanna: No, it was catered, it was really nice and it was actually really fun until Kim showed up with her double-wide ass.

Nik Richie: So they can’t have Red Cups if it’s catered?

Shanna: (Laughs)

Nik Richie: What kind of drink did you throw at her face?

Shanna: I’m not sure, I think they called it a …Pink Taco! Classy! Oh, I’m sorry that was Kim (Kardashian) according to Perez (Hilton) – I always think that now when I see a girl get peed on – CLASSY!

Nik Richie: Isn’t that a restaurant? You threw a restaurant at her?! If you threw food at her do you think she would eat it off the ground?

Shanna: You’re an idiot, Nik, but she definitely would have! (Laughs)

Nik Richie: Okay, so you threw a drink in her face. Did her make-up run all over her face and she cried?

Shanna: You know, at that point, I just kind of walked away and didn’t see. They were both (Kim and Reggie) asked to leave.

Nik Richie: They were escorted out?

Shanna: Yes, they both were.

Nik Richie: Did Reggie hit on you on his way out?

Shanna: No, he was kind of shocked. He was like (again, Shanna changes to her Mr. T voice) “Whooooooa, you know if you have problems you should just talk about it”, and I was like “No, you don’t understand! I’ve talked to your girl like a thousand times and she doesn’t listen”. Stay away from my family, stay away from my Famous Brand parties and stay away from me!

Nik Richie: Would you ever have a threesome with Reggie and Kim?

Shanna: Huh? Noooo, gross! I don’t share. Plus, like I would EVER sleep with that ass. How would I fit in the bed next to her fat ass? I am far from a size zero but she made me feel Gisele (Bundchen) thin!

Nik Richie: Okay, let’s talk about Paris real quick. We’re doing another story right now that involves her. One of your ex-best friends, right? She got booted from Cristiano Ronaldo’s table at Villa last week and he ended up hooking up with another girl. Do you still talk to Paris?

Shanna: No! She’s a whore! She goes after anyone’s man. She went after Oscar when we broke up and, of course, Travis after we broke up. We used to be friends! I love you guys to death but I’m so not re-hashing that story. That’s old news!

Nik Richie: So, if you were in the booth with Cristiano – would he have kicked you out?

Shanna: No way! I’m Portuguese.

Nik Richie: That’s all it takes? You just have to be Portuguese to hang out with Cristiano Ronaldo?

Shanna: No, I’m cute! I’m a… what do you call it on your site?

Nik Richie: A cougar.

Shanna: Nooooo, I’m not a cougar! They’re in their 40’s, okay!? I’m still a baby! I may have kids and if that makes me a cougar – fine. Whoa, whoa, wait, how old is Christiano Ronaldo?

Nik Richie: He’s 23.

Shanna: Oh, he’s a baby. …but he’s cute and he has good taste.

Nik Richie: Why the hell is Kim (Kardashian) famous anyway?

Shanna: Gee, I don’t know. All she does is eat and organize Paris Hilton’s closet! Life is rough when you are actually aspiring to be Paris Hilton and copying her life one day at a time!

Nik Richie: Who would win in a fight? You or Kim?

Shanna: I’m a lover not a fighter! Besides she’d probably send her jailbait sister, the…what do you call it again?

Nik Richie: (Laughs) Her sister, the Shim, AKA Khloe Kardashian. Alright, Shanna, we don’t want to take up anymore of your time. You were great. The Dirty Army salutes you!

Shanna: That was awesome! I love your site, Nik. Kisses!