THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik – Meet D. D is for Derek. It is also for “douche bag”, “dark year-round” and “damn, get a wardrobe with some f*cking sleeves.” This guy is the poster child for the Banana Boat self-tanner. He likes his teeth too white, his skin too dark and his Ed Hardy t-shirts too tight. Most importantly the dude wears make-up. Seriously. His look is the curious (or bi-curious) amalgamation of guido fashion with guidette eye liner. You’ll know him by his pose, the one where he instinctively points to the camera every time its about to flash as if you don’t fucking know where you are. Its the verbal equivalent of “how you doin?” and Derek has it mastered. And we haven’t even touched the hair. Then again, would we want to even if we could? D should also be for Da Vinci cause this guy is a modern day mane artist. His brush: a $150 Chi Straightener. His paint: a fistful of bedhead gel. His canvas: a head full of hair so overrun with product it is the last safe haven from the UV rays he blasts himself with three times a week. Sorry ladies he’s taken…by two girls. Good news for Derek is that his make-up collection just doubled..
Guys clearly batting for both teams. I bet he is really self conscious about his flapped ears.- nik