D is for
THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik – Meet D. D is for Derek. It is also for “douche bag”, “dark year-round” and “damn, get a wardrobe with some f*cking sleeves.” This guy is the poster child for the Banana Boat self-tanner. He likes his teeth too white, his skin too dark and his Ed Hardy t-shirts too tight. Most importantly the dude wears make-up. Seriously. His look is the curious (or bi-curious) amalgamation of guido fashion with guidette eye liner. You’ll know him by his pose, the one where he instinctively points to the camera every time its about to flash as if you don’t fucking know where you are. Its the verbal equivalent of “how you doin?” and Derek has it mastered. And we haven’t even touched the hair. Then again, would we want to even if we could? D should also be for Da Vinci cause this guy is a modern day mane artist. His brush: a $150 Chi Straightener. His paint: a fistful of bedhead gel. His canvas: a head full of hair so overrun with product it is the last safe haven from the UV rays he blasts himself with three times a week. Sorry ladies he’s taken…by two girls. Good news for Derek is that his make-up collection just doubled..
Guys clearly batting for both teams. I bet he is really self conscious about his flapped ears.- nik
I knew Spock had some illegitimate children running around in this universe
Hahahaha, this cracks me up. For starters, someone is obviously jealous enough to poke fun at my ears after photo shopping them. Secondly, my sleeves are rolled up, the brand tee is Prada, it was mid-summer when this photo was snapped (hence the tan), the teeth…well..they are 100% natural color (call my dentist 502-379-4025).
For everyone that has ever met me knows me well enough to know that haterism doesn’t faze me. It’s only natural for people that frequent this site to post their comments about people they wish they were. To avoid all personal attack on “Nik”, I will take the higher road. The guy obviously has a train wreck of a social life or still bitter that I swooped in and stole his dream “poster” girl from a distance that he was to insecure to ever approach. And as far as the “bi-curious” comment…did you or did you not just quote “chi straightener”? Not only did you drop the brand, but knew the price.
But thanks again for humor. Take care and best of luck getting under the skin of the next guy you attack.
Love that you deleted my previous comment so quickly. Must of hit HOME Hard for you!!!
Well – I lied… My name isn’t Mr. Original, that’s your name. It must be tough being a journalist/writer for a d-list dot com. I’m sure it’s even harder to come up with compelling pieces of journalism like this one. Honestly, I am at a loss at how you came up with such an original profile! “Douche bag… self-tanner… ed-hardy”, how did you think of these things?! I never noticed these labels in pop-culture before! There once was this book that came out 4 years ago called “Look At My Striped Shirt”, it makes fun of guys like Derek! You’d love it! And if you don’t feel like reading you can just watch the video that stole the idea from the book, changing the title around, and branding it as their own, titled “My New Hair Cut”. And hey, if you are having a hard time coming up with new people to bag on, you can just read the book and steal from 1 of 80 other profiles of people we love to hate! – Just make sure it is as original and funny as this one! Thanks to your obvious observations, which I totally would have overlooked if you didn’t point them out in such a hilarious way, I now too hate guys like Derek! With their white teeth and their love for fist-pumping. But it makes me sad because guys like Derek get laid all the time, and I spend all my time hating on them instead of learning how to get my own dick sucked more often…maybe you have some word of wisdom for me… and if you can’t think of anything, just steal some played out Dr. Drew sex advice, you seem to be good at that. Look out NY-Times! Here comes Nik Richie!
Oh, and make sure you delete this right away – we don’t want to confuse people into thinking that you may have actually took time finding his photo, dropping it into your bullsh*t word press template, and that you sat down to profile a group of males that has been used and played out a long-long time ago.
This joke of a guy keeps deleting posts of people hating back on him….”Make me a bicycle CLOWN”
Derek is my gangsta!!!!!!!
One of the greatest guys i’ve ever met.
Sounds like u have a secret admirer man
Honestly though, Derek’s hair aint got sh*t on me haha
check it
facebook/chrizp*yne
It sounds like a girl wrote this, not a gay man who knows about “Chi”. Also, how can you confirm that he has the price correct unless you, in fact, have one?
Derek I LOVE YOU all the way from MIAMI!!!!!! F this site!!!! Your a cool kid!!!
first i think its funny that nik sits on this site all day, second, i think its funny that A. Derek you are so upset you even took the time to get on here, claim that your “ears are photoshopped” ha, which is poor if they are, no one would have even noticed anything wrong with them in the first place, meaning you must be insecure about them, and B. that you show up to a blog with backup. Its like a guy showing up in a parking lot for a fight and more dudes get out of the car to help him, aka, mr. original, which either one has way to much bromance to see his bro get hated on by a dumb website, or is his boyfriend. P.S you may or may not be a cool dude, but bro, no one cares that your shirt is prada, your wearing a button up under it. Everything about this picture, these posts=clown