Ben Quayle Is Brock Landers

August 12, 2010 Dirty Politics, Scottsdale, The Dirty 79

The great writings of Ben Quayle (click on pink link titles to see his full work):

5/18/07Brock’s Corner: Scottsdale Hairstyle’s

[Snippet] As a preface, I want to tell you a little about myself. First off, I’m a tall drink of water who is easy on the eyes. Plus, my moral compass is so broken I can barely find the parking lot. Long story short, on a scale of 1-to-10, I’m awesome.

At night and on the weekends, I frequent the same places that you do. I’m at the bars, the clubs, the pool parties and the free health clinic (actually I’ve never been there, but dare to dream). Basically, I’m F’n everywhere.

5/30/07 Brock’s Corner: Foxy Lady

6/06/07Brock’s Corner: Lost in Translation

[Snippet] It all begins after hearing the description provided by a lady friend. I usually have my blind date built up in my mind like this: she is model hot, wicked smart, uproariously funny, runs a 4.5 40-yard dash, once saved a small Indonesian village from a swarm of locusts with only a kite and a tennis ball and has serious daddy issues (just how I like ‘em).

Unfortunately, my heightened expectations are usually destroyed by cruel reality. I could go into great detail about these types of encounters, but then I’d break out in a cold sweat and I would need to take a ‘rape’ shower, and I’ve already taken two of those today…the smell of shame just won’t rub off no matter how hard I try. Zest fully clean my ass!

6/16/07Brock’s Corner: P-Nazi Confusion

6/29/07Brock’s Corner: All Tatted Up

[Snippet] Seriously, does everyone in this town have an F’n tattoo? Does the Scottsdale city council have a task force that delves out crappy tattoos to all of its citizens? If that’s the case, it’s a good thing I can run sub 5-minute miles for 2 hours straight before I collapse from exhaustion. Otherwise, they may have caught me and I would have some seriously bad ink, and that would be horrible because I have flawless skin. Plus, the ladies don’t want me to draw attention from this ass and this bone structure. That would be similar to placing a couple paint by numbers pieces just below the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Did I just compare my ass and bone structure to Michelangelo’s masterpiece in the Sistine Chapel? Yes, yes I did…I only write the truth.

7/27/07Brock’s Corner: Lake Pleasant

[Snippet] Anyway, after concluding that sipping mint juleps dockside had been replaced with taking body shots off of scantily clad ladies, it was time to lose my yachting attire–and that’s when things started to get interesting.

As I slowly and seductively removed my sexy outfit, a palpable tension was felt across the lake. When I took off my shirt, and the ladies caught a glimpse of my chiseled physique, I was summarily mobbed like I was a member of Menudo during the Puerto Rican day parade in NYC. Not that this is anything new.

Huge shout out to Verum Serum for digging up these 2007 DirtyScottsdale.com archives of Ben Quayle’s work. Like I have said in all my interviews, Ben Quayle was a great writer for DirtyScottsdale.com (now TheDirty.com). He was a legend in Arizona as Brock Landers.- nik