THE DIRTY ARMY: Well, Nik, I present you… Rachel Vecchiuzzo. I figured it was alright to submit her, seeing as Lawyer Mike just recently put Knoxville, TN on the DA map. I know you might not have much to say about the chick (no +2′s or oompa-loompa tan on her), but I figured I’d try – the girl’s a natural beauty at twenty years old. The best part is that she was born in Italy, but raised in the South (so she’s not like every other girl here in Knox) – she lived in D.C. for a few years and had quite the modeling career taking off – but decided to head back home to take care of her grandmother. She works hard for her money, is nice to pretty much everyone (maybe cause she was 180 lb at one point and turned her body/life around), is actually intelligent, and isn’t another one of those pepsi sloots that are all-too-common these days. I know I would, (and have tried) Nik, but I’ll leave this one to you.

Your head looks bigger when you wear turtle necks and things around your neck, I advise against it.- nik