THE DIRTY ARMY: Dearest Nik, Meet freshman, Danielle Fessenden, the b*tches  dtke to walk the streets of Isla Vista and UCSB. Danielle is so far in the closet she’s scissoring the ice queen of Narnia. She must really love it at UCSB because there are bikini clad girls everywhere! Wherever there are half naked girls, Danielle is there. It’s obvious she only joined a sorority so she could sneak in a little groping during pillow fights and powderpuff football. Besides, we all know her previous dorm mate moved out because Danielle was coming on to her and blatantly watching her when she would hook-up or change clothes. She obviously needs to get some soon because she’s been cranky and bitchy beyond belief. Perhaps you could send her a vibrator to tie her over?

They are definitely too comfortable with their looks, I wish they’d loss some self confidence and switch to a sun dress.- nik