THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is Lindsay Clark. She thinks she is so hot. But really she is about 5’3, 180 lbs, and a size 14. She takes pictures of herself every chance she gets and posts them on the internet. She dyes her hair red every week and fries it to a crisp until it has the consistency of straw, and has freckles all over the body. Lindsay puts out on the first date and has been known to spread her legs around the greater population of Honolulu. She religiously stalks her ex-boyfriends new fiance on the internet and tried to meet her (the girl lives in Reno, Nevada). Lindsay has been known to drink like a fish and screw any guy that speaks to her. She is also clinically bipolar, and off her Lithium; literally. She gets mad at the slightest thing, and there’s no telling what will set her off. A compulsive liar, Lindsay told everyone she knew that she was a ballet dancer but honestly, I didn’t know that whales could dance, did you?

She should learn how to photoshop.- nik