How Do I Start My Life Over
THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I know that this isn’t “dirt” or anything like that, but you give such amazing advice out I figured you could probably help me out.. I am 21 years old and have been dating a guy since I graduated high school. He is older than me. At the beginning it was great, he was helping me out financially while I went to school because I went away and didn’t have a job. We had a great time time together. Well, after my first year of school, I decided to transfer to be closer to him and it would be cheaper in the long run. Anyways, I got a job when I moved back so I could buy a car and help contribute to our lives.. Well soon after I started working, I started paying absolutely all the bills, everything became in my name. When school started again, I cut down my hours a bit at work so I could focus on school and my education, since that is the most important thing to me right now, plus I take 16 credit hours a semester. He also stopped “going into work”; he convinced me he has a job and gets a pay check every 2 weeks or whatever, but I never see any of the money, even when we need it, such as my car getting reposed. He told me I needed to work more so that wouldn’t happen and that he wasn’t always going to bail me out in those situations. All he does is sit on his ass and play video games while I am at school or work, then gets mad at me if I am not making enough money to do everything that he wants to do. This has been going on for 2 and a half years. We almost broke up a few weeks ago and I convinced him not to break up with me because I was basically too afraid of being alone and starting over. I have been thinking about it over the last weeks and have decided that this has to end, I can’t do it anymore. I should have someone who is helping me out in life, emotionally, financially, etc. right? Someone who doesn’t just sit on their ass while I bust mine with work and school, so I can have something better than this life. Or is that too much to ask? How do I start my life over? I have basically nothing right now and no one since I basically dropped everyone for this douche. I feel so stupid to even get myself in a situation like this.. Any advice is appreciated it. Thanks soooooo much.
You need to do what 80% of all females do… line up a new guy (cheat) for about 28 days until you can make the transfer. Find a new guy now to answer the loneliness. Don’t feel guilty, feel proud that you are creating a better situation for yourself.- nik
first thing to do is focusing on making yourself look better. you obviously have low self-esteem and probably a little weight problem but those are correctable. so focus on that first. once that is complete move on to phase 2. tell him there is a video game sale at best buy and while he’s gone pack up your stuff and get the hell out. go to a real college and have some fun. you obviously know how to balance work and school so apply to a university and move in a dorm or share an apartment with a few other students. live cheap. there will be no shortage of guys there that will hit on you no matter what you look like.
I only got half way thru…and made up my mind…your guy is a d-bag. Leave his stupid ass, go on with your school and have a better life…WITH OUT HIM.
Go to your school, tell them your situation, even cry if you have to. Tell them that you need help. People seem to want to help girls that cry. (and yes, I am a girl)
youre not living a lie, youre living life.. take Nik’s advice.. when youre out, put the feelers out, see what else is on the market.. for christ sake, youre only 21, you dont even know what living is…( put post pics )
a woman is like a monkey, they never let go of one branch until they have a firm hold on another.
Totally agree with Nick
So…you are now turning on the man who supported you when you needed it, and now when you are supporting him you suddenly become too good for that, and deserve “someone to support you financially/emotionally?” Typical hypocrisy.
I doubt she asked for it. And going to school vs playing video games is a lot different. My boyfriends did the same thing..now he plays video games all day and we have twin babies. Get out while you can.
See if there is anything else out there. Give yourself 28 days like Nik said. Don’t settle for anothe d-bag however. Work at getting yourself together in that time (diet, working out, financially) then like the one poster put, tell him there is a sale for some stupid games somewhere and then get the f@#$ out of there. If your name is on the lease only, pack his crap and have it waiting for him. Remember to change the locks or have a locksmith tumble them. They’ll know what that means. You are 21 and have PLENTY of time to meet the right guy. I did it at 39 and now at 40 I have a smokin’ hot boyfriend who has a great profession and treats me like gold. I spent a few months on my own and it wasn’t the end of the world. Reconnect with old friends and admit what a mistake you made and make some new ones. Your real friends will understand, mine did. Learn from this experience and you will become a better person for it!
I agree with pcd, this also sounds like the women’s side of the story a little twisted to make her look better.
Because men are never responsible in these situations, right?
Unfortunately, when we go from a bad relationship to a new one without HEALING, we tend to bring all the shit from the old bad on to that new one. IT’S CALLED BAGGAGE! Move on and discover your self worth without dragging another guy into the mess. Same for men! Don’t drag another woman into your baby-mamma drama or the drama of a psycho ex. Instead, just date and have fun….DON’T GET SERIOUS UNTIL YOU’VE HEALED.
Amen! Never get out of a relationship without having someone else ready and waiting. Don’t tell the new bf you’re in a relationship, he won’t take you seriously. And make sure you upgrade next go around!
… and hope he is foolish enough to settle for a cheater
Why don’t you take her to one of your donkey shows?
We could’ve done with that inigsht early on.
I never move take time off, i always jump in the new relationship . why not? not getting any younger so why take time to heal etc is no need for healing, life goes on, if you meet someone interesting you will just look to the other side and ignore the person bc you are healing?
I’m in a situation, just like this. Except I am engaged… he does pay half of the bills but its annoying know I am going to school and working full time to better ourselves. It’s a hard situation so I definitely feel your pain!
Get out! You’re only 21! I was in a 4 year relationship and he wanted me to follow his dreams and not my own, I took a big step left him and pursued grad school in a city a thousand miles away and have NEVER been happier! I am so glad! And I am single but I am never lonely! You will be okay, there are other fish in the sea and anyways you don’t need a man to be happy, create your own life.
FU#K nik’s advice. Look, if you kick him out he will probably just go live with his mother or some sh*t.. Don’t be worried about him if that’s one of the reasons that is conflicting you. You are young, pursue your education like you are, work as you please to support YOU, and just wait as long as you need to find another man. You don’t NEED a man, but if you want one, one will come. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulder’s so I think you knew what to do all along without asking a douche like Nik for advice. Peace.
Hahaha line up a new guy til u make the transfer Haha that’s hilarious!