There Is Nothing Cool About Sriracha

March 2, 2012 Newport, The Dirty 88

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, for the past year seems like every girl is so hooked on Sriracha.  I tasted it once a while back and thought it was nasty as hell.  So this girl I’m talking to had some friends over and they were all talking about Sriracha and how much they love it and how they eat it with everything.  I simply asked why and they all giggled like they were 5 years old and never got a reply.  A few days later my girl cooked some food and I finally wanted to give it a legit shot and see what Im missing out on.  Had it on my Flame Broiler, thought it was ok  and about 3 minutes after I was done… I was BLOWING my toilet up.  So while sitting there sh*tting my brains out, it all came to me.  Usually after every time I eat with my girl soon as she is done, she is off to the bathroom for 5 to 10 mintues… I never put too much thought into it (who wants to think about their gf taking a #2).  Ever since that night, I’ve been very bothered by it… constantly meal after meal, she is putting Sriracha on it and then bathroom right after.  2 nights ago I HAD ENOUGH.  I make an amazing meal, she drowns it in that stuff, we get done eating she goes to the bathroom for about 20 minutes (def no shower cause I didn’t hear anything).  She comes out the bathroom walks up to me and we start going at it… next thing I know… she is all over my greg for about 5 minutes then stops and asks me to go down on her… and all the sudden the Sriracha popped into my head and I was completely turned off and over it… like how does she expect me to eat her out, when she just dropped a deuce like Chris Brown?  Today, we go have lunch… we eat, she goes to bathroom and then off for a quickie in my Escalade before she goes back to nursing school… and guess what we get in my car and start doing the nasty… and the nasty ass smell arose in my car and my greg went limp… Nik, I’m f*cknig over it and very disgusted.  Never again will I even talk to a girl if shes down with Sriracha.  Girls, go back to sticking your finger down your throat  and stop with this Sriracha nonsense.  Its not cool at all what you are doing.

I heard the rich guys in St. Tropez love this stuff.- nik