THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, meet Jared Macisaac, the virgin. I only know him through mutual friends. We were at the bar the other night, and I was left alone with this loser, who was coming down on c*ke and crying his eyes out. This was the first time I ever met the guy, and he starts literally crying on my shoulder that he is still a virgin! He was going on and on about how he is so worried that he will die a virgin. I asked if he’s ever though about getting an escort. He said he couldn’t afford it, which is funny because he can certainly afford his out of control drug habit. This guy is a real loser, but I don’t want to post this to embarrass him. I am simply posting this to find an eligible bachelorettes for Jared. So ladies, if you’re into hard drugs and 25 year old virgins, Jared is for you!
He better save up some cash, he won’t lock any chick down popping his first nut.- nik