My Friend Made A Huge Mistake
THE DIRTY ARMY: Hey Nik… So I am writing you because I was talking to a friend recently who’s relationship is nearing a potential end all because of cheating. Honestly I just want your input on cheating, even though you’re far from a saint. This person has had a pretty much spotless reputation their whole life and only one boyfriend with hopes of actually marrying the person, I’ve never seen anyone so dedicated to another…which is why this is so shocking to me. When they came to me asking advice I didn’t think I had the right to judge or tell them what they should do for fear of them blaming me when the relationship ends. They have never cheated on their partner before and one night of partying changed all of that. They got so drunk they don’t even remember it happening, but it did. Do you think they should tell their partner they cheated even though they can’t remember doing so and it’s never happened before? They think that this will end their relationship and I can definitely see that happening. Would you end a relationship if that happened to you/ would your wife end the relationship if it happened to her?
There is no such thing as black out sex. They must come clean to each other… nobody cheats unless they are missing something in their relationship.- nik
Everyone in a relationship misses the STRANGE and the pursuit.
Some just control it or repress it better than others.
Thats not true. When you’re with someone you’ve always dreamed of, the “strange” seems more like the “sub par.” If you’re wanting to cheat, you’re either with the wrong person or delusional about your abilities.
Nik, THAT IS SUCH BULLSHIT. There is absolutely such thing as black out drunk sex. Girls get drunk differently then guys do, and they dont know what the hell is going on. Then they dont remember shit the next day. I have an alcohol problem and have been having sex I have no recollection of with my boyfriend for years. Binge drinking is toxic to relationships. The only time I have sex is when I am blacked out drunk. I have a binge drinking/alcohol problem and I always have to ask my boyfriend the next day if we had sex or not.
Exactly, key here is you have a PROBLEM. End of your logic.
So good for you to actually write — admit — that you recognize you have a bit of a problem! Awesome first step — and the hardest to take. I hope you can get the professional help you need to successfully overcome your challenge and live your best life. I’m rooting for you!
Come clean. People make mistakes. Keeping this secret may cause worse problems; like extreme guilt which will lead to depilitating anxiety. I was in the similar boat. It ate at me for two years. I finally was at my breaking point and told my husband. I have never felt so relieved in my life. It was like a major weight was instantly lifted off my shoulders and I was able to live my life again. She needs to prepare for the worse though. If she is truely guilty about what happened, she will force herself to come clean. You cannot live with guilt that that. It will destroy you. Good luck!
there definitely is such thing as black out sex.. i was so drunk one night i had absolutely no recollection of me and my boyfriend having sex
How can they say they cheated, yet they say they cant remember it happening? I call bullshit on the “cant remember it happening” part. If you cheat, the only way to know is if you know you did it. :S
wow nick, that probably the best advice ive seen u give!! usually u make funny or smart-ass remarks, but u nailed it on this one!!
Wrong….People can have everything they want in a relationship and still cheat. They are missing something within themselves!.
There is definitely such a think as black out sex. It’s called ‘date rape.’
LOL exactly…..meaning if a girl gets to the point where she drinks so much she doesn’t know what she’s doing. She’s ASKING to get raped.
there is definitely such a thing as black out sex. it’s called ‘date rape’.
What the hell are you talking about black out sex is NOT date rape. You’re referring to someone intentionally drugging someone in hopes to take advantage of them sexually. What the OP is referring to is two people having consensual sexual relations after their brain(s) has gone into shutdown mode because of all the shit you’ve injested, mainly pertaining to alcohol in most cases. I agree with you about the first part of your statement but to relate blackout sex to date rape just for the fact you don’t remember, is the most idiotic thing I’ve heard in awhile. It’s also probably why so many men have been accused and charged on false charges of rape by pathetic pea-brained assholes like you. The IQ of your readers is sinking rapidly Nik!
Blackout sex IS date rape. If the other person is too inebriated to understand/recollect what they are doing. It is definitely rape. Real men don’t sleep with girls that are unable to tell what they’re doing. I’ve turned down sex with 15+ women who I felt weren’t in a good state of mind. Some woke up asking why I didn’t, some didn’t remember even going to bed. If you question the mental state of a person, its is best to be a gentleman and assume they are unable to make a clear decision. Raping a girl when she’s blackout drunk is not acceptable. You should know better you f*cking rapist.
Where I in post did I mention the girl being the only drunk one? I was assuming they had both been drinking since the OP didn’t specify otherwise, you fucking dimwit!
The heroic Nik Richie, saving one relationship at a time through thedirty.com. God speed brother.
Every man WITH ABILITY cheats. Sure your bf doesn’t? Well he’s probably an overweight loser with no money or education. Men understand that the only things that matter in life are family, friends and money. Bitches come…..bitches go. Women are unable to make good/logical decisions. Every time they do something stupid, it is the green light for a man to cheat. Nothing like pounding some random vag to make you feel better about how dumb your gf/wife is. Not to mention if you’re not taking care of your man sexually, he WILL GO GET IT SOMEWHERE ELSE! Its biology. If you’re holding a glass and water and are unwilling to hand it to him, you really think he’ll just die from thirst? NO! He’ll go to the oasis of vagina that is the world. Men with ability can pull ass anywhere anytime anyplace. My X girlfriend was caught in a lie about who was calling her. I went out and nailed two random strangers in one weekend. To this day she doesn’t know. Still calls me trying to rekindle things.
No. You are wrong.
you sound like a giant loser with terrible mommy issues. Were you abandoned/molested/abused as a child? my guess is yes. No well adjusted person would inflict emotional pain upon someone for absolutely no reason. you’re selfish because you dont know any better and do not have the sophisticated capacity to understand another person’s emotions and point of view. furthermore, your false sense of superiority stems from the fact that you probably have no control over certain areas of your life thus you like to feel like you have power over someone clueless (in this case your gf). In sum, you should probably kill yourself as you have irreparable emotional damage and spreading your garbage dna would not better the world in any way.
You’re obviously a meat head idiot. A real man knows how to be faithful to a girlfriend. It’s a shame you’re too dumb to realize that.
Women GROSSLY overestimate how easy it is for most of their men to cheat. You find them attractive, doesn’t mean other women will. So men are destined to settle with the vagina that accepted them…..meaning you. Don’t believe me? When you’re out with your bf, tell him to walk up to a random group of girls better looking than you and tell him to hit on them. If he gets rejected…..I WAS RIGHT. If he get’s their numbers without letting him know what’s going on…he’s probably cheated before haha.
Women need to understand their poor decision DO NOT come without repercussions. If you don’t want “emotional pain” don’t make poor decision and treat your man like gold. VERY VERY SIMPLE! Only in America, women have completely lost this ability.
Meat head? If by that you mean I don’t have a beer gut, work out 6 days a week. Then I guess you are correct fatty. Too dumb? I have one degree with honors from a top ranked b-school and additional 70 credits of graduate school leading to medical school. I was never abused by anyone growing up.
You’re wrong.there is such thing as black out sex.also blackout partying, eating, dancing..etc. Just because you refuse to ever believe that, for fear of your wife sleeping with someone else and possibly using that as an excuse or lie….well it’s real.
Thats called “being a whore”
Sex does not equal love. Just because someone decided to have some drunken fun, in now way reflects how they feel about their relationship or their significant other. I like to call it “Sport F’ing” – purely for the physical gratification of gettin some strange. My wife agrees. If either of us have an itch that needs scratching, by all means, scratch it.
Gross…… I have entirely too much class to watch my wife/gf get nailed out by another dude.
you’ve obviously never drank that much to have it happen, but yes, there is such a thing as black out sex, single or attached – it doesn’t matter
and poster – don’t tell
Black out sex is the best when you slip roofies or GHB into her drink. Lolololol
Black out sex = rape. Tell your partner slut. Don’t live a lie. You’re a whore, time to let everyone know.
Hey guys…how about this for a concept?? If you are not into a girl, or she is not giving you what you want then BREAK UP WITH HER!!! Then you can “pound all the random vag” you want without being a lying cheat and scummy person.
To the morons who can’t comprehend why Nik would say there is no such thing as blackout sex… When you make the decision to have sex drunk you are a functioning human being in the moment. A truly honest person that loves their partner unconditionally would choose – even in the sloppiest of drunk states – to remove him or herself from an inappropriate situation. In other words, “I was blackout drunk” is not and cannot be used as an excuse. You may not remember it the next day, but it happened. Time to either tell your partner or leave the relationship. To the morons who brought date rape into this scenario – we are talking about cheating not rape. Two different things. Wait for Nik to write a post about date rape to bring all your angst-ridden stories out of the closet.
Definetly come clean, even though it might end things. It just really isnt even a relationship anymore once cheating becomes involved
I call bullshit on Nik, cheating is pathetic not acceptable.
NEVER TELL the other person, If you WANT to stay with them!! It’s selfish of you to do so. My ex cheated all the time& it only hurt to hear it.
TELL THEM! Its better to hear it from the source than to find out later through the grape vine. THEY WILL FIND OUT! Tell them now! Plus now you probably have herpes as 1 in 4 people do. Since you don’t remember, I’m sure you didn’t wrap it up.
DON’T TELL!!!!!
Yes, because telling them you infected them with herpes will be that much easier. TELL YOUR PARTNER SLUT!
Speaking as someone (the husband) who has been cheated on after years of marriage, best to get it out in the open now.
Resentment, once you find out, is only going to make it worse if you wait too long. My ex cheated on me on our *first date* with some random guy she had just met that very night (I found out all the details from someone else other than her after we got marriage and were expecting our first child), I also “believe” she did it again at some point during our marriage, and we eventually divorced because she wanted to continue dating other men behind my back.
All of this was the end of a 20 year marriage, with three kids, because she couldn’t keep her knees together. She’s even told the middle child that it was my fault because I didn’t ask her to come back after the latest came out.
Who would?
While I don’t agree with the poster who suggested “mutual” cheating, that’s none of my business if both agree to it. But when one of you doesn’t and “believes” you’re in a committed relationship and then the other cheats, even if they slip up, they need to come clean.
How my ex got caught was not everyone knew I didn’t know what she was up to, and they started telling me about the things she was doing when I wasn’t around. If you want to blow up a relationship (or marriage) fast let the other person find out that way instead of you trying to salvage the relationship by showing remorse and telling them as quick as possible while you still remember what you remember, instead of waiting a long time and saying “I don’t remember most of the details or who it was with.” That *always* sounds like a dodge, even if it is true after you’ve waited an extended period hoping they never find out.
And remember, not telling “doesn’t” equal remorse, most will see it equaling being a selfish coward who doesn’t want to face the music behind their actions, even if they might not have normally done this. And for “most” people hiding it and waiting will eventually corrode and destroy the trust in any relationship.
Don’t be a pussy! Who cares if she hooked up with someone else on your first date? She has no commitment to you, you haven’t fathered any of her offspring nor have you guys built a strong relationship. Now the other part of your post I feel for. As someone who’s seen a ton of marriages being ruined by whore spouses (male or female) it really is shame to see the affect on the kids. Don’t let your bitch exwife brainwash them so you don’t end up an old lonely fart.
Bitches come……bitches go. Your kids, familly, friends and money are all that really matter anyway. Vagina is vagina.
did you miss the part where he said that shes the mother of his children, hence not some “vagina”?
No I read mother of his kids part. Almost ANY woman is capable of popping out my kid. It’s called having a vagina. Just because it has actually taken place doesn’t make her a better person. It’s biology.
I agree no such thing as black out sex. This chick is just a whore!!!