THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, just writing in to tell you about this chick that’s been spreading scabies around Eugene. I was best friends with her ex and she tried to blow me once when they were still dating! She is one of the easiest girls in this town, who has no class! She doesn’t have a job or go to school and just hooks up with younger guys to get into parties. What do you think?

A  bunch of $1′s is appropriate for her.- nik