I’m A 24 Year Old Virgin By Choice
THE DIRTY ARMY: Hey Nik, I love your site! I sometimes see people asking you for advice so I thought I would ask for some of your wisdom too. My dilemma is I am a 24 year old (female) virgin. This is by choice. I would like to remain so until marriage (my faith is important to me) However, every time I start dating a guy and it is time for me to disclose that I am not interested in sex until marriage I never hear from them again. I’m starting to wonder if maybe I should just give in and do it? I really don’t want to be alone forever, but it seems as though that will be the case if I don’t cave? Am I weird? Will all guys keep running away? Thanks for you help.
You need to do it, waiting ruins your future. I was an idiot guy once who waited for a chick and the sex was terrible because she was inexperienced. It ruined both our lives.- nik
Don’t do it!!! Good for you!!!! Wait for the one. If a guy doesn’t call you because of sex he is not “the one”. Gentlemen exist and you’ll find him! Don’t sacrifice your beliefs for anyone. Once you do, if it doesn’t last with the guy, you’ll feel terrible about yourself.
If your faith is important to you, why would you even care what Nik thinks?
OMFG!!!!! I cannot believe you gave her that advis Nik!! Wtf?
You are basically telling her to abandon her faith because a guy wants in her pants? How dare you!
DO NOT GIVE IN! This day and age it’s hard to find anyone that has any morals. And who doesn’t give in to today’s society. just because you choose to be a virgin does not mean you are going to be alone forever.
The next guy you date, if you give him what he wants, you won’t hear from him again. They want one thing only and once they get it you then mean nothing to them. Stick to your guns!
hey I don’t think you should do it until you find the one that is completly right for you and you realize that it is time for you. If it hasn’t felt right with the past guys, for other reason’s then your faith then they weren’t the right one. If you meet the right guy who makes you feel like you actually want to do it before marriage then do it. But don’t just do it with someone who you feel you don’t have a future with.
Sincerly,
a girl who lost it way too soon
I am a 32 year old virgin (guy) BY CHOICE! In my case Faith has nothing to do with it, it is pride. I am truly proud that my ass has never been penetrated! I have stuck with “my Pride” this long and don’t see it breaking anything in the future. Key point is it is YOUR life and you live it the way YOU want. Nik is right with inexperienced = BAD but a few drinks and 5-6 hours and you’ll be good to go!!! Dr. F.I.L.L. at his finest
(FILL = FUCK, I love LIFE)
Worst advice yet. You are obviously looking for the right guy to fit with your values. You will not find him by caving. The right one will respect you more by waiting. You made it this far…don’t listen to advice from any website.
Girl, don’t do it. That’s one of the most special things you can give a man, a man that deserves it and who is willing to wait for you.
I’m going to have to disagree with Nik. If it’s that important to you to wait until marriage, then wait until marriage. The right guy will understand and wait. Your virginity is something that you can only give to one person, may as well give it someone special. Don’t do something out of pressure, that you’re going to regret for the rest of your life.
I was taught to wait until marriage for that also. I ended up not waiting and am still to this day SO happy I didn’t. The first time can be rough and not the amazing time people talk about. Its also given me the opportunity to try out other people and I don’t wonder “what it would be like” with someone else, now that I’ve found a good partner. I’ve had awesome experiences since then and found it much easier to find a faithful, loving, and down to earth guy since then. Just my two cents though.
Umm no! Don’t listen to him! God said to wait! Therefore His word should matter before niks! You will eventually find the right man who shares the same faith!
I decided at 13 to wait until i married. It wasn’t a religious decision, i was an atheist at the time, but I’ve stuck by it proudly. I made the decision because my then 19-year-old sister had two kids and i was like Hell no not me. Eight years later, Im engaged to be married to a wonderful guy while she has five kids by four different men, no education and no job. Long story short: Im constantly reminded of why i should stay pure. My boyfriend surprisingly accepts my choice to wait. He never thought he would be celibate, but he embraces the decision. It might take a few toads to get to the prince, but do you want to be yet another girl who falls into lust and end with a guy on bad terms or a girl who gets to weed out the guys who are horny jerks early on? It’s nothing to be ashamed of. No pregnancy scares, contraception cost, and no hump-n-dumps. Nik is cool and all, but his advice isn’t ideal for women.
Unless you are dating guys strictly from your church, you will most definitely scare a guy away just by mentioning the “M” word.
To be honest, I wish I would have held onto my virginity longer than 17 but, I’ve been married now since 21 and I’m thankful I got some life experience before committing to one guy.
I know for sure I would be thinking about all the what if’s and what it would have been like to be with someone else. We both have our history’s but neither of us care!
YES, YOU SHOULD GIVE IN AND DO IT! *BUT* Do it with someone YOU care about and someone who also cares about YOU. Not some d-bag you meet at a bar (he’s most certainly stuck it in anything that walks and is more than happy to get it in, and never talk to you again). Just tell the guys you meet, you have alot of respect for yourself and that you’re just waiting for the right guy!
I disagree. I am 25 and waiting and my friends ask me for sex tips because learning new ways to please my future husband is a sort of hobby. I’m very fit, have modeled, and never have any shortage of guys interested in me. I have mainly been the one to end relationships and none were over me not having sex with them (many of those “tips” also go for learning to please a man without intercourse).
If you are making yourself valuable for your future husband besides just keeping your virginity, continue that. If not, start now because virginity isn’t enough and those other “extras” will be what keeps men around even though you aren’t having a sex.
For me, it’s not just a faith thing. I want my husband to know he got the best version of me possible. In mind (always learning), in soul (I try to be very friendly and agreeable – no man wants a nag!), body (working out, style, and letting my future husband be the only to fully have my body). Be your best. Much luck to you.
Obviously dont listen to nik, the King of Superficiality. There will be a guy out there who will wait. It’s not worth giving up whats important to you. Try dating guys who share your faith only! And as for being inexperienced? Well that’s just stupid, if you marry tje right guy you’ll have tons of practice!
Obviously dont listen to nik, the King of Superficiality. There will be a guy out there who will wait. It’s not worth giving up whats important to you. Try dating guys who share your faith only! And as for being inexperienced? Well that’s just stupid, if you marry tje right guy you’ll have tons of practice!
Find a guy with the same values and is waiting as well! Easy answer no?!
Sexual compatibility is paramount. If Im not balls deep and it’s not great in 3 dates Im out. I, like Nick, waited for 8 months for a girl to decide she was ready and the sex was terrible.. 3 months of practice and it never got better.. waste of a year.. Id have killed myself if I waited forever and married a chick just to get in her pants and realize that we had no sexual chemistry
derek you are fucking retarded, why would you marry a girl just to have sex with her? you are so fucking stupid
For me, the perfect would be somewhere in between. A couple of partners but no sloot. If I had to choose, virgin all the way. Sloots come with possible stds, a ton of exes, and that nasty internal guilt for being a whore thing. A virgin can always learn to get better.
I’m gonna get hate from feminists (wtf are they doing here anyway? go grow hair on something) but I don’t give a shit. Men will ALWAYS like claiming fresh pussy. Rather you just wanna do her for one night or marry her, sliding in where no man has been before is something I can’t quite explain. I could have hired myself out as a profesional deflowerer in college and I loved every minute of it. At worst, you can at least get off (without worry if she did) and, at best, they are eager to do all they have been thinking about during those nights alone in their beds. I married a virgin who I didn’t fuck till the wedding night and I don’t regret it. Breaking her in remains my favorite part of the marriage.
As long as you aren’t overweight and or against everything buy laying perfectly still on your back, keep waiting. You’ll find someone who doesn’t mind settling for bjs till the main event.
You’re just going after the wrong guys. Trust me. I wanted to wait for the right person and a lot of people had a problem with that. No loss there…they all turned out to be immature idiots in the end anyway. One day I just met a guy, we dated, I told him that I am not willing to have sex until I’m emotionally comfortable with the idea…and he was okay with it. We continued to date and finally had sex which was nothing like you see in porno but it was fun and amazing for both of us nevertheless. I’m pretty happy that I kept my virginity until the right guy came along and was willing to wait. So don’t pressure or talk yourself into it. You’ll regret it in the end.
It’s good that you stick to your own values and wait until the right guy comes, but to be honest, 99% of men WILL run the other way! And though I commend the fact that you’re sticking with your beliefs, I do gotta say that sex is a huge and important part of any relationship, and being incompatible in terms of sexual chemistry won’t have the best ending… Being on the same level in the relationship (both emotionally and physically) with your partner is key to a good relationship, and it will get difficult and frustrating, and could even be a deal breaker if your guys’ sexual chemistry is out of whack.
Wait. If it’s important to you then why waste it on some guy who just wants to get his dick wet.
Trust me when I say that waiting until marriage can ruin a marriage. What happens if you marry him and he can’t last for more than 30 seconds? There are a host of other sexual problems that you need to be aware of before you commit your life to someone. I’m not saying to be a slut but if you really like a guy and you are in a relationship you need to have sex for your own sake. Would you buy a car without test driving it? Allow yourself to enjoy your body and your man’s body and get over your guilt. Good girls like sex!
Sweetie, you are completely normal and if anyone doubts that, you tell them you are BETTER than normal because:
80% of North Americans are infected with HPV, the Human Papilloma Virus. This virus is particularly dangerous for women as it is the leading cause of cervical cancer. This isn’t preventable with condoms. Neither is herpes or hepatitis. From one woman to another, men are pigs. Forget the notion of falling in love and just love yourself, dear. And buy a vibrator. I suggest the rabbit or the dolphin. Best 80 bucks I ever spent.
Don’t listen to Nik. You’re 24, my goodness, you won’t be forever alone. Keep waiting. It’s worth it.
Don’t give in- if somebody wants to be with you bad enough they will wait for you. Compromising your morals and values does not guarantee you a relationship…
Why not try that Christian mingle site? I’m sure they have guys on there in the same boat as yourself. Otherwise if you’re going out and dating the average red-blooded American male you aren’t going to have any luck. Men love sex, that’s just human nature. And if you ask me the whole waiting for marriage thing is useless. You’re just going to end up with some other inexperienced poindexter, have a really awkward and uncomfortable wedding night and more terrible sex thereafter. Give it up now and get to experience a real night of passion.
Do what you feel is right; my friend was the same way, and she only had luck finding a man who was also a virgin waiting for marriage by marrying someone from her church. They are very happy and obviously the sex was a new experience for them both. However, also remember this: If you’re really that into your faith, the Lord says he is a judge of the heart, and that you’re not going to be graded on your life against some sin yardstick. My goal was to wait until I graduated high school and get through the first year of being a grad, and I was glad I did it. I felt very alone then too, haha. Good luck to you.
Wait for the right guy. Those that leave you are doing you a favor. Any descent man that has respect for you will wait. Trust me. Why disrespect yourself because a guy wants to get off? Do you really want to be used? They have a hand for a reason. I was a virgin until I met my husband and wouldn’t have it any other way. Our sex life is great & now that we have children (all girls) I am happy that I set that example for them. Just wait. You’ll cause yourself more heartache if you don’t.
I say if you’ve waited this long, why not wait till marriage.
Sex is never good the first time. You bleed and it hurts. It’s never good the first 10 ten times. Probably not even the first 20 times. And is that guy going even be around after that??? It hurts for a couple months when you are just starting to have sex and you won’t figure out how to enjoy it until you figure out how to enjoy it. Why not go through that with your HUSBAND rather than some dude, or many dudes, especially if you’ve already waited this long???? Why waste it on some dude when it’s not even worth it for you????
And Nik even said it himself, guys don’t like inexperienced girls. Why waste your virginity on some guy who isn’t even going to appreciate you if he just wants to get laid??? Your husband will appreciate you.
And a word of advice. Trust me, every guy is jealous. EVERY SINGLE ONE. No matter how cool they say they are about your past, after you’re married they will give you crap about it. Many women wish they could have stayed a virgin until marriage just to avoid it. Now I totally see why they said you respect your future husband by respecting your body/God now…
Don’t listen to all these other people who say to just go do it. They didn’t have the self control or commitment to stay a virgin until they were 24 and just want to bring you down with them. You’re better than that.
I don’t think you should follow nik’s advice on this one. If you date guys with the same values as you, you won’t have the same problems you’ve been having. Try meeting men who are religious as well. You’ll regret not sticking by a decision that has been really important to you- I know from experience!
Quit being a chicken shit and shell out the pussy….
NOW.
Billy, you sound like never get it any pussy anyway, so you don’t have a right to comment. Clearly the girl wants a real man and doesn’t want to be infested with 90 different stds. That alone has just made her a better catch than 80 percent of American women.
My hubby and i both felt we should comment to show both perspectives
donovan: i was single for a few years before meeting her. I had a few f buddies inbetween, but it was pointless and empty. The sex wasn’t even good. One girl was loose, the other girl was good at riding but that’s about it, and other played with my emotions regularly. Experience didn’t help much. A couple months after the last encounter i met my now wife and off bat she told me her circumstances. I didn’t worry because in my mind i was going to crack that virgin code lol. It didn’t happen like i thought it would. For six months we had pretty hot make out sessions, but that’s it. Eventually we started with oral sex. Let me tell you, the absolute first time was the best bj i ever received. Her first time, my best time. She listened to everything i said and was very eager to learn. We did oral and manual stimulation for a year and ended up marrying. To those who compare it to a car: i didn’t end up with a lemon. She got the hang of things after five times and started giving me a run for my money. Truthfully most men want virgins or women who slept with three or less men. Only guys looking for random hookups could care less. I never experienced a virgin because i was about the random hookup bs. I thought experience meant ultimate pleasure, but those girls were wacky compared to my wife.
Sherryl: donovan knew from the beginning that i was a virgin, but i didn’t tell him for months that he was my first and only boyfriend. I found my soulmate on the first try at 20. I made the decision to save myself when i was 15. Almost all my friends were having sex and the relationships never lasted past three months. I constantly got calls with them crying about being used, cheated on and sometimes pregnant or diseased i didn’t have those troubles. People assume that when a girl waits she must be some total prude or bitch, its far from the truth for many of us. I knew a lot about sex accept the actual feelings. I wanted to educate myself so that whomever i marry didn’t end up with a total dud. I knew where to touch and how to touch and he loves every moment of it. After a week of marriage we were having sex twice a day, in fact five years later we still are. My friends still call up about the same issues plus the lame hookups. Im the only one happy in a relationship out of my friends from high school. My friends from church is a different story. Two of them waited and they have the same bliss.
Bottom line: wait! You will love it. Hubby will too;)
Hi, I made a post earlier in this thread about being 25 and waiting. Thank you so much for this. This is the sort of thing I hope for.
Thank you for your story. I hope everyone reads this as a prime example of how things can/should be.
Fresh pussy? You sure sound like one.. No self respecting woman, aka feminist will ever want a pig like you number 20, I hope you get raped
DO NOT do it. I was also waiting until marriage and then after dating my ex for a year we had sex. It was the worst mistake of my life. I was always so emotionally attached to him because I had waited so long I was heartbroken when we broke up a few months after. I am married now and my husband is LDS (Mormon) so he had an extremely strong testimony in the church and waited until we were married. I wish I would have met him before I had lost my virginity because I feel like he was jipped. It’s so much better when you have the security of knowing you will be with that person for the rest of your life. I feel like having sex with someone is a HUGE deal, although these days people just don’t make it out to be because people don’t have morals. Also, if your faith is important to you then you shouldn’t have to compromise. Date someone who has the same beliefs, your life will be easier.
Obviously Nik would say lose it. Lool
No but forreal you should wait till your married hun. You’ll respect yourself a lot more Hence the hubby you pick will respect you enough to wait… But for the mean time…vibrators aren’t adultery are they? Aha
In my opinion, sex is a crucial part of the relationship. Its definitely not everything, but if you don’t have sexual chemistry, then to me, its not worth it. BUT that being said, your reason for waiting is because of faith. You’re not the only one out there with this same faith. Don’t just go have sex because you feel pressured. Eventually you will find someone who wants to wait as well, or someone who is okay with waiting for YOU. You are you, don’t let other peoples life choices affect yours.
Im a 24 yr old virgin .I was in a 7 yr relationship and never lost it .I dont know if im selfish for not giving him all of me after waiting.
You need to experience things in order to know what you want or not. Its in no ones hands but yours and you need to decide for yourself through lived experience and education to know about dating. No animal is monogamous. Humans can be after they experience what they want or don’t want. People do not change because you want them to.
I am turning 24 and I tought it was my fault that i did not have steady relationship. Thank you Donnavan and Sherryl that was quite a story and inspiring too.
You don’t have to follow archaic lifestyle rules because of your faith. There’s no elasticity in 2 thousand year old scripture, if we followed every rule in those books we’d be doing a lot of really horrible shit to each other. I say DO IT. It’s sex. It’s a natural thing to do there’s nothing wrong with being intimate with somebody you care about and relationships change. You can’t get married without knowing more about yourself and having romantic relationships changes your perspective on the world.
I lost my virginity to my now husband back in high school. Believe it or not I knew we were going to stay together in the long run sure hes had girls before me but that didn’t matter. You just know when its the right person and time. but I do think you need to talk to a man and get his point of view on what they like and don’t like just so you have an idea. I personally read erotica and now I am teaching my husband a thing or two. Thank god we are in our twenties so we both have a good sex drive. Sex is supposed to be fun and romantic. Dont be scared.