I Really Need Some Advice Nik
THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I am a huge fan of The Dirty and I watched you on Couples Therapy… I’ve also pre-ordered your book. Couples Therapy made me truly believe in love again and made me realize the person that I want to be with. Me and my boyfriend broke up in September unfortunately, but have since been trying to work things out. Watching you and Shayne gave me hope. The guy I feel has given up on me, but I am still holding on with every last bit that I have. I know this is real, and I’m not ready to give up yet. It is my fault that we are where we are today, and I’m trying to fix things, but starting to feel like it is too late. Any tips to help me win him back over? I have been struggling with depression the past year, and he’s the only one I’ve told. My depression stems from the guy who I knew as my dad for 24 years. He has been strung out on drugs, and I have not seen or spoken to him in 2 years. Its really putting me in a tough spot because I can’t be a good girlfriend while stuck in this sadness. I feel as if my whole identity has been taken away from me. I’m struggling through school, working 2 jobs as hard as I can, barely getting by, and have no one to lean on. I really hope that you respond to this because I have no one to talk to. I don’t want to put this extra stress on my mom, because she has a lot on her plate as well; I have two younger brothers. I’m in tears as I write this because I feel as if this is my last hope. My ex has severe trust issues because his mom lied to him for 18 years about who his father was. I took everyday with a grain of salt knowing that, because I know how hurt he was by it. We leaned on each other for support, and now I have no one. I went out with my roommate one night, and didn’t tell him, and that’s when it started to spiral out of control. I just want to fix things, because I know this is exactly where I need to be. What should I do Nik?
Why do you need to lean? Life is very simple, when a person loves themselves first and is 100% sold on themselves the law of attraction will take its course. My dominance comes from my confidence in knowing who I am. The world can crash around me in terms of friends, family and business but my inner confidence will always get me through life with a smile. If you blame others for your issues you are going to attract others who do the same (boyfriend blaming mother). On the flip side people want what they don’t have and the easiest way for that to happen is to surround yourself with a person who has it. So my advice to you is to lean on yourself and ask yourself who you want to be? And whoever that is: BE IT! This isn’t about relationships, this is about you. If you shift your boyfriend will come crawling back because he will want that new glow you have and it will be up to you if you want the Blamer back.- nik
Awww Nik i love your answer! SO true.
OMG you will never know how good it feels to be free of the bond someone can hold over your heart till you go out and find someone else to make you feel all tingly inside. Just dont go out and find like 8 dudes in 2 weeks to make you feel all tingly….
Lmao@tingly
Wow Nik,best advice ever. Thank you so much. That’s a philosophy that I have tried to sustain for myself and it was very reassuring to hear it from someone else.
Also, if that doesn’t work try an obsessive amount of fellatio. A man can not deny a woman that loves being on her knees.
Nik, your eyes tell the truth when you don’t.
Nik, have you ever considered having your own advice column? I’m serious, you’ve got a real gift man. You could be the next Dear Abbey! And to the poster, Nik is right. Love yourself first and others will follow
This is by far the best advice I’ve ever heard Nik give. You have to love yourself first and foremost and the rest will fall into place. Maybe once you start to love yourself, you will figure out that you truly want to be with your boyfriend or maybe you’ll realize that you’ve grown and want something different. But one thing is for sure, EVERY person and relationship comes with its own set of problems. It’s just about deciding which ones you can deal with and not losing yourself in the process. Nobody is perfect! But you also deserve someone that respects and supports you, someone that is caring and honest and most importantly finding someone who trusts you. Those are things you should never compromise on!
yup, if i want true love this means I MUST stop coming to this website, since it actuaslly offends me……Its just addictive. But that means Im not 100% sold on myself, since Im going against what I truly believe in deep down. BYE nik and everyone in the DA. sometimes guidance is needed for me, and I need to hear it from someone else…so yeah, peace out DA. Gosh I hope I find true love, I just have to be true to me first.
Mm hmm. Okay. See ya tomorrow.
The above comments weren’t me, but I am the original poster. Thank you so much for answering. You will be happy to know that my girlfriends had a girls night after I sent this email, and they basically told me the same thing. I only thought I needed to lean on someone. Its just always nice to have support. I am no longer speaking to my ex, because I realized he was only bringing me down with him. Hopefully it stays that way, so I finally can be happy again.
wow hooman good job on the pep talk. It just doesn’t fit the profile of the site wtf?
I live by that law. Crazy how we share a similar way of life but I still see you transforming into a snob. I was a strong follower of yours and now I am starting to view you differently.
lady, nik’s right. also, you dont know how easy you have it.
I second ( or third ) that … Wonderful answer!
Wow Nik that is the first time I’ve read decent advice given from your part!!! Have you been reading my books?
This really moved me, Bravo Nik!
The name of this site should be changed to thegay.com. I’m not trying to be mean but I come to this site to get away from this and zone out. Thanks for the Debbie Downer story
Nik, great reply..
Wow !! I think that’s the best advice I’ve ever heard Nik give !! It’s true you can’t make anyone else happy until your happy with yourself!! And you can’t depend on others for your happiness cause once they are gone your happiness will be too !! Maybe you should seek therapy tho if you feel that alone that you have no one else to talk to ..
So she has Daddy issues and he has Mommy issues. Doesn’t sound like a good mix. Find a normal dude or at least a dude with mommy issues so you can base your relationship on your similar issues.
Thanks
A.O. He doesn’t want you.
exactly that
Best advice I’ve heard you give….Thank you
Nik, I have only heard of your site from the legal issues that were going on in the media. I wandered upon TheDirty.com from a Google search (long story). I became increasingly interested and humored by your site and brutally honest, much-needed, remarks regarding current events. And upon reading your above response, I am sold on being a fan. Keep up the good work of giving the public a place where the truth can be publicized.