THE DIRTY ARMY: Hello Nik, I haven’t visited your less-than-tasteful site in awhile, but I am hoping that some hopeless, lost lovers might find my posting helpful.
My story: My ex-boyfreind has done some pretty awful, unspeakable things to me (i.e. stole $$ from me, lied about cheating on me, filed a crazy/frivolous lawsuit against me, etc.) So, to the untrained mind, it may seem illogical that I miss him like crazy, long for his touch, his smell, and his kisses. Some may even peg me as “insecure”, desperate, etc. But, when you think about the science behind relationships, it turns out that maybe I’m not so crazy!
Why I can’t get over him: You see, my physical relationship with my ex was nothing short of amazing…pure ecstasy. Before he came along, I didn’t think it was humanly possible to orgasm as many times as I did in one night with him. And, as some of you may know, with orgasms comes a surge of the “love hormone” oxytocin. The more oxytocin flowing through your veins, the more bonded you become to your partner. And since I was orgasming an average of 5 times a night, I am finding it a tad bit difficult to let go.
The solution: For those of you going through the same thing, please know that only time will heal. Yes, our friends have told this over and over, but from a scientific stand point…it’s true! The less oxytocin surges that you have in association with your ex, the less you will long for him. Also, since even the slightest memory of one’s past lover may increase oxytocin, it is best to steer clear of photos, places, or smells that remind you of him.
His story: Like I stated above, my ex is not exactly a hopeless romantic. But, I also feel that he had some bonding issues in general. He had even expressed insecurities of not being able to read people, being socially awkward, not being able to keep friends, etc. He also had no regard for the feeling of others…the strange part is that he so desperately wanted to be able to “get” people, to find love. He has attributed these characteristic to possibly post-traumatic stress disorder or maybe his abusive interactions with his father an brother…but I suggest that maybe the lack of a certain love hormone may be to blame.
My take on why he has trouble bonding: Whatever caused his border-line sociopathic characteristics, science suggests that low oxytocin levels may be responsible. So while I have issues getting over him, he clearly had issues even creating that bond in the first place!! Possible solution: While I truly believe that some guy’s lack of bonding is because they are “just not that into you”, extreme cases like my ex may be corrected by oxytocin therapy, no? Anyway, I hope this helps someone out there. I also sort of hope my ex will come across this posting. I truly wish him the best but fear that he’ll never be able to have a true, lasting bond with anyone. Any “love experts” want to give their take?
Why the hell did I read this whole thing? Guys USE THIS MIRACLE SPRAY if you really care to give your chick 5 OG’s.- nik