THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is Nikki Groves and Katelynn Lacey assuming their usual position when interacting with any male. They flew south but have already been spotted flocking to the hotel of the U of O football team to do what they do best… keeping their mouths and legs open. always so classy.

I don’t see the humor in pretending to suck a huge purple crayon. Go Auburn!- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, here is another reason why us Oregon Ducks are much better than Auburn our Co-eds meet Amber Dawn Orion she is like a hotter version of Lindsy Lohan (MEAN GIRLS days) Nik come on u gotta admit this is why better than anything the Tigers have.

Sorry, but this Dawn Duck needs a football helmut with a full sun visor stat. She makes me want to put more money on Auburn.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, so Monday nights have become a very popular hangout in Scottsdale and I couldnt believe who I saw in there last night.  It was heisman trophy winner Cam Newton partying it up a week before the biggest game of his career.  He was a rude prick to anyone besides all the white girls that were all over him.  I did have my money on Auburn but after last night I know Oregon will be winning the Title this year since Cam knows he is going to the NFL and kind of seems over anything college related.

Yeah, I was getting texts to come meet him last night at PCL, but I refused. He is Reggie Bush part 2. I do have to say PCL has been getting very lucky on Monday nights, John Mayer was their last Monday skeezing on girls as well.- nik

**I am still betting the house on Auburn.

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is Jessica O’Neal from Auburn. I have seen this girl in the past few years sleep with everyone on the Auburn football team, I can’t even count how many of the guys she has slept with.  Here is the best part, she is now dating Heisman Trophy winner Cam Newton, and she thinks she is his only girl lol.  I wanted to ask you what you think about her and let her know Cam will be done with her by the end of the year.

Jessica O’Neal, you have ZERO chance of landing Cam Newton past the NFL Draft unless you get pregnant. What are you waiting for?- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: So Nik, what are your thoughts on Cam and Cecil Newton? Seeing as how you are hardly ever wrong and that no one can break a sports story faster than the Dirty Army, I was wondering if you have any privileged insight into this or where it stands ATM? Do you think Auburn knows that they are already in trouble and just decided to ride it out knowing that it will be taken away in a few years if they win the National Championship?

If I were Auburn I would be really worried. This will cost them MILLIONS. Also, I don’t think Cam really cares about a stupid trophy… he just wants NFL money.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, here is Ryan Pugh, all SEC, possibly all American, offensive lineman for the #2 ranked Auburn Tigers. Around the league he is known as Mr. Chop Block for his propensity for cutting D linemen’s knees and wrecking their careers. He and his like friend decided to go to a party as Reggie Bush and I assume Kim Kardashian. Pretty ironic since Auburn’s spin doctor’s have been screaming racism over the Cam Newton controversy and this is Cam’s #1 blocker. This coming from a school with less than 2 percent black students in a state where nearly twenty percent of the population is black. Still a plantation in the heart of plantation country. Not the first blackface incident there either.

Listen, we are talking about millions of dollars being thrown out the window in Cam Newton’s future. So every possible scenario is in play to help Cam get out of this mess. I do think the Reggie Bush look is a little ironic since he is a NCAA cheater… maybe Ryan Pugh is trying to tell us something?- nik