THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is the overpaid Detroit Lions quarterback Matt Stafford’s longtime girlfriend… She tries to act like a southern belle but is really much different…. So Nik….would you. I’d rate her a 6.103531 on a good day.

Answer: No, she is normal looking (5.66162728), hips should never surpass shoulders unless you are black. Matt Stafford needs to stop settling and find someone equivalent to his pay grade.

THE DIRTY ARMY: Dear Nik, thank you for this website. I mean this sincerely. I met this guy a few weeks ago, and something seemed off this weekend. He met up with me and my friends at a club, but he showed up alone. (Red flag # 1) He then hung out with me for a while, but he was being all crazy so I left to dance with my friends. He ended up talking to one of my other friends and told her that he has a girlfriend! Why the hell would you meet up ALONE to hang out with me when you have a girlfriend?? (Red flag # 2) So, my friend tells me and I obviously am not happy about it… so this a-hole leaves to dance and make out with some chick who is clearly not his girlfriend. I’m annoyed at this point, but what can I do? My friends decide to Google him – and guess what we find? He’s on thedirty.com! Not only do we dig up some solid proof that he’s an a-hole, but someone has commented that he’s in gay porn – which he is after we looked it up. SO THANK YOU Nik for having this website where I can learn about these creepers and all their issues I would have never known otherwise.

Ladies before you ever think of getting into a relationship with a new guy please do a Dirty Search on him. Men you can also do a Dirty Search on women to see how easy it is to f*ck them.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, after reading the responses from the woman who posted the labioplasty, I have but one conclusion: you have mommy issues, which is worse than a girl who has daddy issues. You are a fraud, promote the fake in everyone and everything and deserve to be put on the chopping block. I cannot believe you profit off of others pain, misery and imperfections. Guess what Nik, nobody is perfect! Not you, not your wife, not your dirty troll army or your followers who just love to put down others behind a computer screen. In reality you are a pussy and that’s it. You should get a real man’s job. You are like the Simon Cowell of the internet and that’s nothing to be proud of. Yeah, yeah, everybody hates you but can’t look away. You’re like a trainwreck and I imagine that within two years, you’ll be divorced, your site will be shut down and you’ll be a has been. Congratulations for extending your 15 minutes of fame, but I promise you this: it won’t come without a price.

I heard this year 1. Get some new material.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY:  Nik, this is Anna Watson.  She is college football’s strongest female cheerleader and damn she is ripped.  I have no doubt she can kick my ass and most mens as well.  She is buff as hell… She is a very religious girl and believes in putting the LORD before anyone, I think she is perfect for Tim Tebow and I would not be surprised to see them together sometime in the next 6 months.

She needs to be tested for steroids, something is not right.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY:  Nik, this is Hali Adams.  I dated her for a while when she was Hali Hope-Ross.  Shes 25 and lives in  Atlanta.  I found out she was playing me for multiple people then suddenly found out I have a DRD.  This girl has ruined my life and now I find out shes married to some dude twice her age and he bought her +2′s.  She can be seen running around Atlanta clubs promoting her bikini line, where one of her models admit she ripped off the tags from tomtop brand bikinis and put on her own and overprices them.  She constantly texts me talking sh*t about him and talks about how she wants to move to LA and leave him once her business booms.  She also hired models for her bikinis but she fired them all because she’s egotistic and wanted to be the only one modeling her “own” bikinis and apparently her new man is under fbi investigation for fraud because he made multiple websites pretending to be a rent-to-own real estate agent and stealing peoples money.  And now they’re both suing her parents for emotional distress after disagreeing with their wedding months ago because theyre STILL money-hungry.  Please help me make sure these people are known for who they really are Nik.

The old dudes hair is classic. Let me guess… his favorite movie is Desperado.- nik