Iowa | Nik Richie + Dirty Army intel, opinions, gossip, satire, and celebrities - Part 2

Ashley Bernhagen

October 30, 2013 Denver, Iowa 10

THE DIRTY ARMY: Ashley Bernhagen is a dirty slut trying to work through her Daddy issues one sext and naked selfie at a time. She preys on guys younger than her (baby cougar at 24) in relationships but claims that she hates the drama… okay. While she gets psycho clingy thinking she stands a chance to be their new girlfriends these guys know what she truly is– a common orange whore thats good for busting a few loads on the side but will never be the main attraction. She thinks being nasty, sexting guys while she’s at work, having them text her while their girlfriends are away, and sending them pics means that they want her, but all the clown makeup, fake tans, fake hair, gross eyebrows (like really?) and endless filtered selfies will always leave her a dirty puckslut and never make her a girlfriend… and definitely not a wife. There’s a reason she’s always only on the side or in a phone and not in a relationship. Good thing she has her cat, no one else wants such an ugly person inside and out.

Bet she’s mastered Angry Bird and is flourishing in Farmville.- nik

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Iowa ADPI’s Are Fug And Easy

September 18, 2013 Dirty Greeks, Iowa, The Dirty 24



THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, as a student of Iowa the #1 party school in the nation.. I want the world to understand why. ADPI b*tches here are fug and will go down on you for a free Keystone Light. The reason we are #1 is because of ADPI. They are have beer bellies and terrible haircuts. But they will out drink you and claim blackout the next morning when they can’t find their underwear.

I’m trying to play Where’s Waldo, but I really cannot find one decent looking chick. I do see Lena Dunham. I also knew she was ADPi from her body type.- nik

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Injustice In Iowa

September 11, 2013 Drake, Iowa, The Dirty 141

THE DIRTY ARMY: Well Nik, I have silently watched your website explode with traffic over the past few years and need an outlet along with some advice. Here is my situation. My boyfriend and I were pulled over for traffic violation which resulted in Patrick’s arrest. Pat was arrested and charged with a class D Felony on 2nd degree theft for an incident that occurred at Shoppers in Ankeny, Iowa on May 25th, on a day Pat and I were certainly in South Dakota. We have bank statments that show he deposited his check at the ATM here in our town (in SOUTH DAKOTA) we also rented videos that day, and the following morning were at the local gas station. (all on record of his debit card) I have also done my own investigating, and have done more in the past 3 days than Detective Gustar has in 3 months. (William Gasbar? He wouldnt spell his name slow enough so I could understand it before he rudely transferred me and stated if I wanted to speak to him, I can do so in court and better get a lawyer.) This detective has lied and harassed my family along with not properly doing his job as an investigator. I have found 3 other suspects 1 of which looks like Patrick and was just released on second degree theft for an event that occurred 2 weeks after the initial incident. I have called every connection/person/lawyer, and have been told over and over again with out a grand down to start, they do not even care to listen. Unfortunately, it has cost us close to a grand already and we are running out of funds. I am not asking for charity, but more so, I am asking for this status to somehow make it in the hands of someone who wants the justice system to serve its purpose. Pat sat in jail for 20 hours without a clue as to why he was there. He has missed work, lost sleep, and has not been able to eat since his release. (Understandable) I have no idea what else to do, except to bring awareness to the situation and the injustice that is currently going on. Our system is broken; you can do anything with money but if you are like the majority of Americans, sh*t out of luck without it. We do not qualify for legal aid, he made too much money last year. Sadly, that’s barley enough money to afford our bills. Since the charge is in Iowa, but we are residents of South Dakota, it is out of local law schools jurisdiction. There are other things that I cant publicly address at the moment, but I am out of resources to figure this out on my own. No it is not a “case closed” with our evidence. Sadly we need video of the ATM which we cant get without a subpena, which requires a lawyer. He has also already been charged, so unless a lawyer files to drop the case to the DA, we will be going to court. I have a little girl who this is going to effect, we may even have to pull her out of her first year of pre-school due to funds.

Are there any DIRTY ARMY lawyers in Iowa who can help this couple… their child’s future depends on it!- nik

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I Can Only Imagine How Proud Samantha Lynn Goudie’s Parent Must Be

September 4, 2013 Iowa, The Dirty 161

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THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is Samantha Lynn Goudie. The girl tried to storm the field at an Iowa game and was arrested. She later tweeted about how cool she is that she blew a 3.41… what an idiot if you ask me, I’m sure her family that is paying for school is so proud to see their daughter all over national headlines with enough alcohol in her system to literally kill her. Keep it up Miss Cool. At least this does prove why Iowa got the number 1 partying college this year. Meth can really make you drink a ton.

Sam is about a 3.41888271 in the looks category as well.- nik

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University Of Iowa Is Not The Top Party School

August 7, 2013 Iowa, The Dirty 66

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THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, so University Of Iowa is now considered the best party school in America… which is total bullish*t and I’m not sure how much the school paid to be considered the best… I went and visited my cousin last year and it was the worst idea ever.  Iowa is basically the capital of Meth and Heroin in this country.  All the parties we attended, everyone was smoking meth and staying up for 3 or 4 days drinking and doing crazy sh*t… then they smoke the heroin so they can fall asleep… trust me, Iowa is not the best party school, it is the best drug school if you are white trash and love smoking meth… so please, clear this up for anyone planning on becoming a meth head, I mean a student there.

They actually have schools in Iowa?- nik

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Needs Help

July 30, 2013 Chicago, Iowa 47

THE DIRTY ARMY: can we get this girl some help? This 30 year old is a drinking problem that has lead to her arrest, clearly used her gambling wins to get drunk and just needs to get her life together. At 30 in Iowa she shouldn’t be hanging around with 20 some year olds at the bar and clearly this is why she never should be pursued her teaching major that she obtained in college. Please DA send a message to help her get life together. Out of one relationship onto the party ways friends help her save herself. I used to run with this girl but after her and her ex broke up I’ve seen her go down just an even more destructive path.

For your case, its a problem.- nik

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Campbell Murdock Loves to Booze

July 30, 2013 Chicago, Dirty Army Strong, Iowa 9

THE DIRTY ARMY: nik this slut needs to close her mouth. There is either a bottle of booze in it or a dick. Country Thunder must’ve been fun for this whore. All she tweets about is drinking and orgasms. Campbell, we get it. You like to get slammed all kinds of ways. I’m sick of seeing this cum dumpster everywhere.

Why is Mr America rubbing her boot on his greg?- nik

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Repeat Offender

July 22, 2013 Chicago, Iowa 75

THE DIRTY ARMY: Audrey Bee loves her homecoming pink dress from high school.. Don’t you Nik?

You can’t make mistakes like that once you make it on thedirty.- nik

Also See: Bad Boobs

After the second ones

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