THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is Laura Vandervoort. Blonde, Pretty, but no +2′s.  I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend because he said there is no way you would because of no +2′s.  So thought you might be able to look past that 1 flaw. So would you Nik?

Answer: No, I would probably squeeze her stomach fat during foreplay. I wouldn’t be able to resist which would probably prevent me from having an erection… it has nothing to do with +2′s.

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, love the site bro. It looks like our boy 50 Tyson is comin up in the rap game! He owes his success to you. Nobody had even heard of him until you posted the videos of him rapping on his street corner. Now look at him, grown and makin some bank. Much love 50 Tyson!

I heard he is rich as f*ck now.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Meet James “Brandon” Mullins. This class act has a sex offender pass yet has kids!(Do a quick google search with his full name) He hasn’t been able to keep a job at any of the fast-food places he goes to bc he thinks getting high is far more important. He’s been kicked out of every place he has lived in the past 6 month bc he cant keep a job let alone take care of his own kids. He hands his kids off to family memebers just to he won’t have to deal with them, then won’t even go visit them. He likes to tell people that he is smarter than anyone he knows, but doesn’t even have a GED. Some of his lies include: he works for the government, CIA, he was an undercover agent, was part of a NAZI gang, was a buddist monk, and the list goes on and on. Watch out for this crazy sex offeneder.

Nice bike.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: There are so many words to describe this “fresh” little goth/emo 21yr old girl, but when you hang out with your parents from the “bar scene” that shit gets unbelievably weird, especially for the guys she meets. For someone who has the brain capacity of a bug, she somehow ends up getting around pretty easily. Living at her parent’s friend’s house with her so called “friends” who are really people who just have to deal with her on the regular scene. She ends up being able to some how afford the so-called gorgeous tattoos she likes to show off to everyone; when in all honesty no one wants to say how gross and nasty it really looks, all stretched out so that the lines go with her stretch marks. Not to mention her nasty obsession she has with cats, but I won’t get into that. This girl has a TON of growing up to do, so think twice before deciding to elope with her, although she’ll totally fck on the first date, if you don’t call back she’ll find you, don’t expect her to run away… ever.

Fresh is not a word I’d use to describe her.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, so what’s the real story with Kanye Chest? I read some intel saying she is actually a he. I’m hoping that’s not true because I rubbed it out to shim yesterday and in the session I kissed Kanye with full tongue. Now I must sit back and pray she is a she because I really want to rub it out to this girl after work today. Dirty Army don’t let me down. Please vagina gods be with me!!

I think you are gay. Kanye Chest was is a dude.- nik

Also See: I Found A New Dirty Celebrity

**Are we all in agreement that his/her DC name is Kanye Chest?**