THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, alright, here’s Marissa, finally a Minnesotan worthy of Would You.. Sweet, smart, and in a long term relationship. so tell me nik whats wrong with this girl? WOULD YOU?!

She is not worthy of a “Would You”, but Minnesota should be proud that they have at least one normal looking girl. Someone tell Zuckerberg to put his shirt back on and tell his friend to relax on the sneaky fingers.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, meet Megan Retzlaff, this chick constantly posts about herself every 5 mins on FB about how hot and sexy she supposedly is and that she is a public figure with her own FAN PAGE, blah, blah. Megan, and all you other women, a fan page is one where a FAN (not you) sets it up for YOU….not where YOU create YOUR OWN fan page…gimmie a freakin’ break. Nik, do your thing, but be careful she is well connected and admired, at least according to her bio: “Tekno Doll Swimwear Cover Girl/Model, NOS Promotion model, MAXIM’s Hometown Hotties 2011 contestant, Model for Ricekiller.com Calendar coming soon. Cookie: For Him Magazine ‘like’ Contest. “.

There is no such thing as “modeling” in Minnesota. Facebook makes people delusional.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, meet Sameerah she’s your typical girl comes from the suburbs goes off to college meets some d1 athletes and turns into a complete wh*re, shes been f*cked by the whole ku football team and both the Morris twins who she also got pregnant by her first year at kansas but she lost it bc shes also a raging alcoholic… This girl gets out of control drunk every weekend thinks shes ghetto (keeping in mind shes from eden prairie minnesota!) and starts fights, I say both the twins because she didnt know which one was the father!! Now that shes in the ku calendar she walks around like her sh*t doesnt stink, Nik please put her on blast.

Is it true she got in the calendar by doing personal favors?- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this girl is so hot.  Everyone compares her to Victoria’s Secret Angel Adriana Lima.  I’m on a mission to prove to you that in the state of Minnesota we have some quality.  She would be a 8.407 in Cali easily.

Actually a Cali 6.0872181. She should never smile, it enlarges her nose.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, meet Casey Carlson! She’s a college graduate from Minnesota living in LA who you may recognize from American Idol a couple years back. She’s a fantastic singer (she recently had a song featured on an episode of Gossip Girl), a model, and an actress (she’s in Cadillac’s Mexico campaign right now). She’s completely gorgeous and really friendly, she went to high school in the next suburb over from me! Nik, she proves Minnesota does have beautiful girls… so, would you?

Answer: No, her lower lip reminds me of Bubba’s from the movie Forrest Gump.

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik what kind of retard is 50 Tyson, dude regularly checks Wal-mart to see if his shirts or his album have made it into stores…is he retarded? I dont think 50 realizes all these goons following him around especially that curly haired chick are making fun of him and still using him.  I ain’t gunna lie 50, you suck, nobody cares anymore don’t make another album.

I have completely lost interest in this guy… the joke is over.- nik