THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this guy is probably the creepiest of the creepers in San Diego, and that’s saying a lot — what your readers may or may not know is that in addition to its beautiful weather and mediocre sports teams, San Diego is ground zero for overaged, creepy, frat boy types. Pacific Beach is like their Mecca (see posts on PB Millionaire), as it is for the dirtiest of the dirty c*ke addled sloots (see the To-Do List). This guy Sean Conan is really creepy. He is pale and schlubby and just really predatorial. He lives in a (filthy) studio apartment in Pacific Beach (he tells women it’s his “beach house”). . . there is trash and filth all over the floors. On the nightstand he has a claw hammer, a bottle of lotion, Kleenex, some duct tape, a police baton and a bottle of gin. I swear, I cannot make this crap up. “How does she know?” you might ask. Well, a friend gave me his number and I set up a tentative date. I was really tired from work, so I asked if it would be okay if we just hung out and did something really mellow like watch a movie — I’d bring over a dvd and takeout. I told him I was dressing down in yoga pants, so not to get too dressed up — be comfortable. When I got to his door, I knocked and he said, “Come in, it’s open.” I walked in and he was naked on his Ikea sofabed (except for tube socks), beating it and smiling. I screamed, dropped the food and ran. He sent me a text later asking if I wanted to apologize for (wait for it. . .) “sending mixed signals by saying ‘wear something comfortable’.” I work in law enforcement. . . in retrospect, I kind of wish I’d tasered his cock. Not content with this, a few days later he sent me a pic of his small, pale penis with the text: “Feel like you missed out on something?” He’s also tried to stalk a few of my friends off Facebook. He’s just incredibly creepy. . . oh, and he continually brags about his BA from Chico State and his Master’s from Ashford University. He has even said he wants “Master Sean Conan” printed on his checks. . . because, as he rationalized this, “Doctors have their title on their checks.” Oh, and he calls his junk “The Conan” and calls himself: Sean San Jose; Sugar Sean; Seany Nony; The Pacific Beach Bad Boy; and Seantastic. He has a beat-ass Mustang with 2 Sigma Chi license plate frames he calls the “Stanger Banger,”. PS. In the first photo, he is sleeping during a Super Bowl party with his hands down his pants in someone’s living room. And he’s 31.
It’s not healthy to sleep on a mattress with no bedsheets.- nik