College Is Going Great For Jamie Kaltenback

October 28, 2011 The Dirty, UCSB 27 7,788 Views


(Click on the Image to see a picture her parents would love)

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this little blonde sl*t is Jamie Kaltenback. Let’s just say shes down for it all. Puts herself out there by telling guys “women are made for using for sex and one night stands”.  Is known for peeing in beds, and throwing up in showers, dumbest blonde bimbo that flashes her fake t*ts all over Isla Vista… news flash honey, your boobs look like a pair of florescent watermelons, put them away, no one wants to see that sh*t! Quit spreading your DRD, sucking everyone’s Greg, and try to remember who you have sex with so you can let them know they need to be tested when you leave those beds you piss on each night of the week. Thank god her twin sister is A LITTLE more conservative…..dont be fooled, the one that goes to city college is plenty more clean than the fatter one that goes to UC.

She has warped nipples.- nik

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She Is The Most Unique Thing

August 8, 2011 Santa Barbara, The Dirty, UCSB, Would You? 27 5,816 Views

THE DIRTY ARMY: Hey Nik, I need your professional opinion. I find this girl incredibly unique. So unique that I can’t even tell if she’s hot. Her name is Mikaela and she’s originally from VanDirty, and she must be part Chinese or something. Her eyes are so blue and shes really skinny and blonde just how you like it. Shes also super rich and now lives Cali. So Nik, what do you think? Would you stick it in?

Answer: No, I don’t stick it in X-Men. She looks like a Swedish-Asian.

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Something Is Not Adding Up

July 26, 2011 Austin, Dallas, The Dirty, UCSB 20 9,503 Views

Facebook Sloot

Facebook Sloot

Facebook Sloot

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this girl claims to be Jessica Smith with her little friend Johanna Shorts. They both have facebooks and talk to all these guys and try to get with them. They say there from Austin Texas but know one has ever met or seen this girl? They dont have cell phones either its 2011 what 20 year old doesnt have a cell phone..Who are these girls for real??

Too be honest, do you really care? She has no upper lip, fat wrinkles on her neck, smokers teeth and her friend is below a 4.69927718 rating. Sounds like a waste of dial-up minutes to me.- nik

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Crazy Biatch

July 14, 2011 Dirty Army Strong, San Jose, UCSB 35 10,012 Views

Crazy Bitch

Crazy Bitch

Crazy Bitch

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is McCarthy Bray. She is a crazy b*tch, alcoholic, and huge sl*t everyone knows it. She doesn’t go to UCSB she goes to SBCC because she is f*cking dumb. She is disgusting I mean look at her! She also claims that my friend is a bigger sl*t than her… yeah right i heard she slept with 3 guys in one night at her famous neon party she had her senior year (WH*RE) and who know what her count is now! She is a ugly h*e. She is the fakest girl ever even her tan is fake. Oh yeah I forgot to mention she is a homewrecker. Get a life b*tch cause you suck!

Why are her bottoms so tight? what’s she holding back?- nik

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He Tries To Impress Everyone He Meets

June 15, 2011 The Dirty, UCSB 15 8,840 Views

Drama Mama

Drama Mama

THE DIRTY ARMY: Dear Nik, this fruity prick thinks he’s the straight up sh*t… more like a piece of sh*t… that smells….. his pube face could give you crabs from a mile away. This kid thinks he knows everything about “drugs” tries to impress everyone he meets but ends up just looking like a fool. BEWARE! NOOOO SWAAGGG.

Naked in the University (UCSB) library… every impressive.- nik

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Danielle On The Prowl

May 27, 2011 UCSB 4 8,381 Views

Danielle the Dike

Danielle the Dike

THE DIRTY ARMY: Dearest Nik, Meet freshman, Danielle Fessenden, the b*tches  dtke to walk the streets of Isla Vista and UCSB. Danielle is so far in the closet she’s scissoring the ice queen of Narnia. She must really love it at UCSB because there are bikini clad girls everywhere! Wherever there are half naked girls, Danielle is there. It’s obvious she only joined a sorority so she could sneak in a little groping during pillow fights and powderpuff football. Besides, we all know her previous dorm mate moved out because Danielle was coming on to her and blatantly watching her when she would hook-up or change clothes. She obviously needs to get some soon because she’s been cranky and bitchy beyond belief. Perhaps you could send her a vibrator to tie her over?

They are definitely too comfortable with their looks, I wish they’d loss some self confidence and switch to a sun dress.- nik

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Snooki Started A Really Bad Trend In America

May 23, 2011 The Dirty, UCSB 24 9,732 Views

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I am surprised this girl has not been on here before considering she has been with half on the town of Isla Vista in the two years shes lived here. She’s known as the sl*tty Snookie of Isla Vista and yeah she’s a little cuter but after becoming anorexic and loosing 30 pounds she’s got dirty stretch marks and saggy pancake nipples. Not to mention she cakes on bronzer and makeup. She has zero self respect and that’s how she is treated. So if you’re looking for a good time I wouldn’t take her home, but if you’re just looking for that drunk f*ck with someone without having to put in the work this is your girl.

I almost feel sorry for her.- nik

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Ariana Gonzalez

April 8, 2011 UCSB, Would You? 6 6,049 Views

Ariana Gonzalez

Ariana Gonzalez

Ariana Gonzalez

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, hey this is Ariana Gonzalez, she would be nice to meet you. everybody she meets she gets with. this girl has no class & no self respect. shes so oblivious to everything surrounding to the fact that everyone uses her just for her car! This girl doesnt even care about having to the have sloppy seconds of a lady. i use the term “girl” for her because shes 21-22 years old and has the brain of a 16 yr old. shes so nasty. 99% of santa barbaraians have agreed just by the look of her grosses them out. She looks like too much of a crow. i’m giving you that 1% for judging on what you think. This girl has no classs and is a wanna be kardashian but in reality a pisa with no style or class! shes so grosss. she doesnt look like she takes care of herself. and just her body is so unproportional. justt grossss. So Nik, would you?

Answer: No, her abnormally large nose, mouth and teeth makes her look like a horse.

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