THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, thought you’d find this chica Cindy Prado interesting… .she’s a Miami-based “model.” She’s going on for a couple of years now that’s she’s going to be in SI’s Swimsuit Issue and is constantly posting pics on her Instagram with a free filter from Victoria’s Secret implying she is a model/upcoming model/etc. for them — she’s not. Additionally, she lists her ethnicity as “Cuban/Spanish” and is obviously not smart enough to know that “Cuban” is not an ethnicity — there are black Cubans, Asian Cubans, Lebanese Cubans, and yes, Spanish Cubans. So far, her claim to fame is boning a local “rapper” whose has recorded songs with Jennifer Lopez, Enrique Iglesias and T-Pain (his name rhymes with QuitFull); this in and of itself is not really that much of an accomplishment, as you can see by another post on your site that he will pretty much throw it in everything and anything, including fat girls. She has a nice figure, but her face is absolutely mediocre, even mannish; and she could use some dental work. I’ve never, ever seen her without full makeup (even at the beach) or a photo on her Instagram that isn’t fully airbrushed.

I see stretch marks around the stomach area.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik!!! I just came across Casey Steinberg’s mugshot!  I totally love it and wanted to send it for everyone to see.  I hope John Koeppel is still very happy with his GF that he shares with many in Miami.

John, what is it going to take for you to wake up? Love doesn’t change who a person is.- nik

ALSO SEE: John Koeppel Needs A Bro Check

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, watch out Miami….this seemingly innocent plain Jane Carly McCall is the epitome of a club wh*re. She has f*cked every promoter in the business and she will blow any random bro for drugs. She knows no boundaries–has slept her way through all of South Beach and spread her DRDs in the process. You will probably spot her out in the VIP section any night of the week–but don’t be fooled, she didn’t get there because she is a hot piece of ass, as you can clearly tell from her pictures–she is only there because she will f*ck anyone with money. She is hideous on the inside out–don’t let the smoke and lights fool you when you’re out, because she is a washed up wanna-be model who does an absurd amount of Pepsi and still isn’t skinny. She hooks up with any and every guy whether or not they are single and when confronted about it later, just blames it on being “blackout” drunk. She is a dirty bottle wh*re who has slept with every promoter you can think of–she even slept with the deformed creature promoter Purple who has been mentioned before on this site….yes, she is actually that desperate for some Greg. She is a Celtics-loving loser who needs to get out of Miami ASAP because NEWSFLASH–NOBODY likes you/thinks your hot anymore. BEWARE of Carly the scumbucket….this is a psychopathic SL*T who will do anything for attention.

I don’t see the model in her. Maybe some guys in SoBe are so sick of banging hot chicks they want to know what normal feels like?- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Hey Nik! I saw this guy in the supermarket and decided to try to find out about him, turns out one of my friends knows who he is, and I managed to get a picture off a friend’s facebook. All I know is his name is Mario Henrique Levinson, studies in UM, doesn’t drink alcohol or do drugs, and usually goes to Mynt. He’s some kind of athlete obviously cause of that hot bod, and I’ve been told he’s been seen with a curvy brunette a couple of months ago and a blonde recently. Anyone care to give more info on this hottie???? I’m dying to find out all about him!!!

You sound desperate.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this girl Jennifer Mason thinks she is some sort of a model and dancer, but as you can see without photo-shop she is one ugly girl, and barely a model. Fake Hair, Fake Boobs, Fake Tan, globbed on layers of make up cheap ass wigs and crappy extensions and she is still so gross. She thinks she is all that because a few nightclubs pay her a 100 bucks a night to dance in her lingerie. But trust me nobody wants to see her waving her nasty sweaty ass with her camel toe sticking out in there face all night long, plus she smells real bad. Whenever she starts to dance near us we can’t help but laugh at her. To make matter worse when she is done with work she comes back out in her cheap ass streets clothes to look for Pepsi and continues to dance her nasty sweaty body all over the place in an effort to find more drugs. Some one needs to tell her to sit down and sober up, because she looks so stupid! You can find her at clubs doing what she calls dancing, but it looks more like a lost retarded cracked out robot. When the clubs close you can always find her after hours at Space, looking for the Pepsi, and with nose like that, you know she loves her Pepsi. She is fugly, she looks like a tranny, and all the girls I am friends with only hang out with her for her connections, we laugh at how dumb she is, none of us like her, she is so pathetic, and such a hot mess. She thinks she looks like a Barbie doll, but I am yet to see a Barbie doll have as much cellulite as this b*tch does, the only thing Jennifer Mason and Barbie have in common is they both have the same cheap fake blonde hair. Supposedly her loser ex-boyfriend Josh Mattey recently got her a boob job to improve her look, But damn he should have fixed that nose and her ugly crooked yellow teeth first. Nik please put this girl on blast, no one wants to see this nasty cracked out, big nosed, stinky sweaty pepsi sloot dancing on top of tables anymore.

I blame Josh for making her look almost like a woman.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, ever since I started coming to your site, I have been on the search for the perfect girl.  I can’t find anything wrong with this girl, and before I approach her, do you think she is worth spending the rest of my life with?

No, why would want to be with a female whose lower part of her face is wider than the upper portion?- nik