THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, here it is… 1. Can someone tell this freak to stop wearing tu-tu’s in public?  2. It’s not a good thing when you’re 30 years old and the only thing you have going for you is a set of fake t*ts and a 5 minute appearance on Fear Factor. 3. It’s horribly unnattractive to announce to the world on national television that you party six nights a week. Good luck ever getting a real job. (Daddy must be so proud!) 4. To all you kids at home – the baggies under Laurie’s eyes demonstrate the effects of years and years of ecstacy driven raves and cocaine-induced all nighters. The fact that Ms. Laurie still thinks she’s the hottest thing on earth shows the effects of these drugs on your brain. 5. Last time I checked, only the biggest pieces of sh*t pride themselves in how many Scottsdale bartenders they’ve f*cked. 6. You’re gross. And that is it.

7. Smeagol hit that.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, meet Allie Spohn well known by the athletes around Arizona and plenty other states in our wonderful union. She GETS AROUND, look up slut in the dictionary and it’ll show her picture. She ONLY has sex with black athletes, she’s a gold digger who loves attention. She’s f***ed half the football players at ASU and a few athletes at NAU. She homie hops like its nothing, she’ll stick anyone in her. She buys her guys gifts alllllll the time, probably so they’ll stay in contact with her, sex and gifts what more can a guy ask for? She’s a WHALE too, so disgusting. She claims to be at the gym everyday but her stomach hangs so low that you can tell by first glance she’s lying. Nik, help to warn ALL THE BLACK ATHLETES IN THE UNITED STATES that miss spohn has most likely already hooked up with one of their teammates/friends/roommate etc. She’s disgusting, and needs to get checked frequently. Please do the world a favor and stop sleeping around slore!

She looks like a spudding potato.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is Sean Ebert (EBT!). He is the nastiest gay at ASU. He gets f*cked by everything that moves! He tells everybody about the time he was “accidentally” fisted without any lubrication like Crisco. It’s just disgusting! I heard he actually got free IHOP from this guy that wanted to have bareback sex with him. He needs to be put blast for all the nasty shit he has done at ASU. He so hated there that he is actually transferring to NYC to go to finish school. He has some Asian sugar daddy, so disgusting! He definitely not drug and DRD free and his a**hole is probably stretched out beyond repair!!!! He even trolls craiglist for guys and has the balls to even brag about it, it’s absolutely sickening. Another thing about him is that he is always asking for money no matter what, he is such a free loader! What do you think Nik!?

Come again…how’s that possible.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is Raccoon, aka Jessica. She goes above and beyond the call to help satisfy those Frat Boys need for one night stands. Currently in a relationship that’s rougher than sandpaper, she still finds time to hopscotch around from guy to guy. Her snatch has more mileage on it then a used car because of this. Sadly that law enforcement jobs she’s desperately trying to attain by not going to any of her classes is not working out for her so she’s become somewhat of a home wrecker for the guys. She is also desperately trying to become a Tempe 12 member, but that stellar short-lived fantasy was gone before it even started, I guess Tempe 12 will just pick anyone off the street these days.

Tempe12 is dead, move to Scottsdale before you’re worn out and can’t find a job.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Hey Nik, this is the infamous Allexanne Mitchum! A gross Delta Gamma who apparently loves taking pictures of herself on the floor of a bathroom next to a toilet, classy. I bet this picture does well for the fact that she is pursuing an Elementary Education major. Who would want this wh*re to teach their kids?

They will still hire her in Tucson.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Hey Nik, this girl’s name is Dior. She’s only 18 but is absolutely STUNNING. She has been gorgeous since she was younger. Perfect skin, smile, and hair. Quite possibly one of the prettiest girls I’ve ever seen. She’s studying at ASU in the fall. What do you think?

ASU fell off.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, we got a piece of work here. Her name is Alexis Burk and she’s from Washington. She is constantly seen drunkenly making out with at least 3 to 4 guys at each party she goes to and one lucky winner will get to take her home and f*ck, undoubtedly. Little do they know that she has Gonorrhea. She claims to have gotten from someone else; but truth is, this b*tch just doesn’t keep her sh*t clean. If you’re in Theta Chi, you’ve most likely hooked up with her, even the currently pledges. On top of it all, she loves her “juicy” tits and thinks they are the golden ticket into anywhere, I still get nightmares from those pepperoni nipples. She has a new guy to transmit her diseases to every 3 days. She’s got a new found love for the WHITE GIRL, so hopefully that will help her knock off the pounds that need to go. Nik, do the guys of ASU a favor and put this chick on BLAST!

Her nose ends above her eyes.  tres bizarre.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this ugly b*tch is always around ASU thinking she is cool because she is still in High School. Not only is she ugly as f*ck she is a disgusting. She tries to act like she is hot sh*t, when really she is gross. She needs to be put on blast and get the f*ck out of my school. She tries to act like drama makes her cool when really no one gives a f*ck about any of her high school stories. Beware of her trying to mess up your life. She starts drama between any group she can then tries to act all innocent. Kara Lunneborg take your chlamydia ass back to where ever it is that you came from.

I wonder if she is still a virgin?- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is Tia. Just by her picture you can tell how disgusting she is. Boys call her the meatball because she is short and fat. She gets around way too much, 8 guys alone in SAE spring pledge class.. wow.

I don’t see it. She must have an amazing personality.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, you posted that Gaga’s producer Fernando was cheating on his girlfriend Amanda with a bunch of people. I think I’m in love. She’s your All-American good girl that graduated from Arizona State, and you know those girls know how to party. Does the DA have any intel on her? Can’t find anything on her, this girl has everything private. Nik If you weren’t married, would you? I know I would and would never cheat on her.

Answer: No, her chin could plug into a light socket… I refuse to be electrocuted during sex.