THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this dude is Jonathon Ross Kimbrell a.k.a. “Ian Jacques.” He is the craziest asshole I have ever met. Before I met him he was dating a HUGE slut who would do it anytime, anywhere. ‘Ol girl got caught fcking behind a grocery store, behind her school, in the back of a car, and she was caught fcking Ian in the bathroom at the park! It makes sense seeing that Ian is a poor fck who lives in a group home, so it’s not like he can afford a hotel room! Ian complains that his slore of a girlfriend has a “sour vagina” and that she “never cleans herself” but that does not stop him from running when she calls! The elevator obviously doesn’t go all the way to the top because he can’t spell, write, and read worth a shit. He can’t even count money! That doesn’t stop him from trying to manipulate people into feeling sorry for him by coming up with crazy-ass stories! He met a gorgeous Black girl from Atlanta over four months ago (she has moved to Brooklyn since then, so I’ve heard) and Ian’s crazy ass tried to wife her three days after they met! ATL girl got away from him because he lied to her CONSTANTLY and she always catch him in a lie because he is too stupid to cover his own ass! She also said that dude told her that he thinks he’s a “vampire” and that he “ate a bunny rabbit” when he was a kid! That’s when ATL’s dad told her to pack her shit and move to San Antonio, then she went on to see her fam in Brooklyn a few months after that. I certainly wasn’t suprised when ATL told me that Ian does not bathe, brush his teeth, wash his clothes, etc. She refused to kiss him and had to make him brush his teeth. WOMEN OF AUSTIN: STAY AWAY FROM THIS DUDE!!!
That’s the most un-gothly goth I’ve ever seen.- nik