THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I myself am Persian like you and so is my wife.  Both of us were born here and her whole life she has been extremely close to her home roots.  She wears designer clothes, puts on tons of make up when we are going to social events, but for some reason she wouldn’t get rid of that nasty arm hair.  It is really starting to bother me, I wouldn’t leave her or anything but I really don’t know what to do at this point?  I have begged her to laser away or trim the hair. Now she is starting to model and she won’t listen to me. So from one Iranian to another can you please tell her.

I truly believe Iranian female arm hair is caused by a child’s parents not knowing they are cousins. When you mate within the family the arm hair gets stronger. This is why I would never bang an Iranian chick because she might taste like me.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I know everyone is so tired of Brandi’s made up drama. I was reading today how she told LeAnn Rimes “She can go f*ck herself! Well, she has to, because who would want to?”. Brandi I get that you are a reality star and need to stay relevant, but have some class. Your kids have a father and if you cannot respect Eddie then your children will follow in your footsteps. They will become soulless LIKE YOU!!! You claim to be a great mother and friend on your Twitter, but that is a blatant LIE!!!! I pray that your children don’t turn out like you!

Easy LeAnn. You are a mother by default too. Everyone just take an adderrall break for a couple days… do it for the children.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, so this is John McAfee who started Mcafee virus software that he sold to Intel in 2010 for 7 billion dollars.  The dude has pretty much been set for life in the past few years and at the age of 66 he started experimenting with bath salts.  They have him writing all over blogs about how he loves the drug and how when he takes it, he just puts it up his butt.  Well, the guy is now wanted for murder in Belize and is on the run.  They police are looking for him and say there was a high chance he was high on the drug when he committed the murder.  The issue I have with this, is that bath salts are legal in Belize for use, so a murder should not be surprising thing when you are allowing your citizens to get high off bath salts.

I’m sure he has enough money to get out of this. John turn yourself in and pay someone to make this go away.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I see this car cursing down Rodeo on the daily. Does anyone know who owns it? I can’t tell if this car looks really douchey or baller status. Personally I think this is a waste of money. I’m a hot girl and wouldn’t be caught dead in the passenger seat of that ride. Too loud to be sexy.

Well it looks like you and I could never make love in this life or the next because I think that Mercedes looks SICK!- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, did you see the latest sh*t that dumb slore Brandi Glandville From “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” tweeted to her “loyal fans”? Apparently she was going to a movie over by the Grove when some dude jumped the parking structure. Now instead of having human emotion and feeling sorry for the guy, she BLAMES him for “ruining” the movie and said he should have jumped off a HIGHER FLOOR?!?! WTF NIK!!!!!! How messed up is THAT? I get Brandi likes to be sassy and speak her mind…but don’t you think this kind of crosses the line?

It’s not Brandi Granville’s fault, unfortunately she is an alcoholic. Can someone in the DIRTY ARMY dig up her DUI mug shots, I heard she has three of them.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, “Heeii my name is Danieeeelle… and I am from Israeli..” If you’ve ever heard this phony accented phrase then you’ve met this diva player. A girl from Beverly Hills who of course says she knows all the celebrities, but in reality no one has ever seen her with anyone famous. This horse faced hair-extentioned spray tanning fake girl prides herself on how many likes she can get on a photo where she’s not actually looking at the camera. This self-obsessed wanna-be model plays a game with men to see how many guys she can have at the same time without them knowing. She claims she “hates” drama but in actuality is the one causing it. She thinks people hate her because they are jealous she is prettier than them, but in reality they hate her cause she’s fake. This artificial jewish barbie needs to go back to the Synagogue to make a full confession!

Like.- nik