Trust Fund Baby, Escort or Legit Success

February 18, 2013 Boston, Hollywood 62

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THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I need some help here. I recently came across this girl on Facebook who had quite a large following on a fan page but she never really posts anything. Her name is Melissa Anne Teixeira. I’d never heard of her before and wanted to know more about this girl AND why everyone was following, so I googled her. After sifting through about 30 pages of crap on google, I soon learned that this girl is on a whole other level than these fake wannabe troll internet “models”. This girl has actually done some high profile things in her career. Chicks been on Howard Stern, some crazy show called Hillbilly Handfishin’ worked with the UFC, played in that Lingerie football league, posed for Playboy THREE times, and has a BOAT LOAD of “celeb friends”. Jenna Jameson and Pauly Shore follow her on twitter, along with a train wreck of NFL players/criminals, some Playboy Playmates and some skeevers in Hollywood. The other night I saw a post on her “fan page” to send her a friend request, because she had opened a page for friends to get a more personal glimpse into her life. I added it. After I did, I soon realized that we had some mutual friends in common; one of them was my college roommate. The two of them seemed to know one another pretty well so I called him up and asked. Evidently he went to high school with this chick (Catholic school but of course!). He told me that apparently she is a “millionaire” that came from a shit whole ghetto and was so dirt poor growing up that her own classmates had to buy her family food! He says that she now owns something like 7 car dealerships in the Boston area, and that she has all types of exotic cars, yachts, and even frequents to LA, the Caribbean & Hawaii on a G6!! He says that she lives in a huge ass mansion & sometimes throws elaborate parties for friends that consist of stripper poles, Patriots tickets, and trips all over the world. Speculation on a few vacation homes in Dominican Republic, LA, & Hawaii, as she’s been seen at these same homes numerous times. I thought my boy was trippin, until I actually saw some her post some sh!t while I was on the phone with my boy! She posted like 30 photos of her with random celebs, Tila Tequila, Vern Troyer, Kevin Bacon, there’s too many to list, and even one of her with a U.S senator! He says shes a really cool girl and she is quiet and down to earth & is very giving to others.

What is she looking at?- nik



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Is It Wrong That I’m Thinking About Moving On

February 13, 2013 Boston, The Dirty 186

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, my boyfriend of five years died tragically in a kayaking accident five months ago in September and it’s been such a hard time for me to be okay with it and learning to accept it but I think I’m finally at the point where I realize that I will never stop loving him and that he will be in my heart and mind for the rest of my life. I’m wondering if you think it’s too soon for me to consider being with someone else? I’m asking you this because I respect your honest opinions and I think I need someone as honest as you to tell me if I’m going through this process a little too fast. I suppose I may be feeling like any other woman who, at times, needs affection and that reassurance that someone cares about them. Even though I know that a lot of men will never be like him and I may never have that deep connection with another person, in your opinion, when is too soon? (The picture I posted is of my boyfriend a minute before he went kayaking).

If I was your boyfriend up in heaven looking down at you, I would hope that you would wait at least a year. Anything less would feel like you cheating on my soul up in heaven.- nik



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The Rat From Massachusetts

February 11, 2013 Boston 1

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, Can you please put this low life girl on blast she has been on several Facebook groups selling/trade as well as ebay all she does is steal things and takes the money and never sends the products. She has been banned from ebay under the seller name [removed]. can you please put her on blast so others don’t get duped. Beware of this scumbag!

The duping is being done in her shirt (extreme push-up).- nik



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Elvira Is Beautiful

February 8, 2013 Boston, Elvira, The Dirty 40

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THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, have you seen Elvira lately. All her facial procedures have settled perfectly. She looks like the ultimate wife. Taking out her cheek implants was the best decision she has ever made. Thoughts?

Until she fixes her chest, I don’t want to apologize to her. I decided.- nik



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Elvira’s Faker

January 16, 2013 Boston, Elvira 0

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THE DIRTY ARMY: Dear dirty army, I want to inform you that @kellykarloff instagram is a fake. This is not Elvira.

Thanks for the heads up.- nik



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I Think I Married A Sex Addict

January 15, 2013 Boston, The Dirty 261

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THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, my wife and I grew up in a very Catholic community and both of us live our life for God.  We were virgins until our wedding day because that is what God wanted us to do.  We have been married for 3 weeks and it feels like my wife is a whole different person.  The night we got married, she made me have sex with her for 13 hours, it got to be very annoying since my Greg had no semen coming out of it any longer.  So we head off to our honeymoon in Bali and the whole week all she wants to do is have sex.  Like 7 or 8 times a day sometimes, she doesn’t even care if I climax, as long as she does.  Then things got a little weird for me when we got back home.  I went to work and came home and she was in lingerie and told me she had enema’d her starfish and wanted me to put my Greg in there.  I was very scared of the concept but I want to make my wife happy, so I did and for the past 2 weeks, all I have been doing is having butt sex with her.  Even when I put my Greg in her vagina, she is putting fingers, or toys up her butt.  She wants me to put my tongue all over it and its getting to be very disgusting to me.  She even sh*t on me a few days ago… not cool.  I don’t think God made a girls butthole for sex, it seems like it should be a 1 way highway if you ask me.  Since I’m so new to sex, is this odd?  Am I being a sissy about this?  Or is my wife just a sex addict who needs things up her ass?  Because that is not what I signed up for and I know God is not OK with this.

It will calm down, the first couple weeks of marriage is a sex fest… once you get to the 6 month mark you will be in the clear. She has the mind of the Devil right now… I would only start worrying if she invites a black guy to join the party. You don’t want to compete with that, you will lose her at sea.- nik



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Elvira Has The Perfect Nose

January 14, 2013 Boston, Elvira, The Dirty 51

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THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I totally agree with you when it comes to getting your nose done before +2′s.  I’m a 19 year old girl and in need of a nose job bad.  I’m going to get that done and then work on the rest of my body.  Elvira’s nose is perfect, the first pic is before she got it done and you can see the total improvement it did for her.  I need some advice on when it comes to finding the right plastic surgeon.  I don’t want just anybody messing with my face.  How do I find the best doctor for my procedure?  Any advice?

I don’t like Elvira’s new nose. Her old one was way better. This one looks long… if I had to guess I would say 4 inches.- nik



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Elvira Please Listen To The World

December 17, 2012 Boston, Elvira, New England, The Dirty 117


THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, please tell Elvira… out of all the money she spends making her face look expressionless… why doesn’t she throw down on a new set of +2′s? Blows my mind… I’m a chick and that would distract me if I ever brought her to bed.

Elvira, the tribe has spoke (AGAIN).- nik



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