Chicago | Nik Richie + Dirty Army intel, opinions, gossip, satire, and celebrities - Part 3

Chicago Hottest Couple 2014

December 9, 2014 Chicago 24

THE DIRTY ARMY: Chicago is overflowing right now with delicious-looking couples whose every move prompts mouthwatering envy. Some have been hooking up for years, while others just revealed their romances to us recently.



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Bibi Is One Delusional “Barbie”

December 8, 2014 Chicago 30

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is BIBI. She is the biggest slut I know. She is the queen of all skanks… BIBI ARTYOMOVICH. If you ever feel like getting a mediocre blowie for free just grab a bag of skittles and this girl is always down. Every time you see her she is either drunk or hungover. She literally believes she looks like a real barbie and I wanted to see what you think about that?



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Scary Ewelina

December 5, 2014 Chicago 68

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this scary thing is Ewelina Witkowski from Chicago. You’ll never see a single picture of her that isn’t filtered beyond belief or BLURRY because her face is like something straight out of the exorcist or chucky. She is honestly the ugliest polish girl I have ever seen. Started getting botox and lip injections at 19 and now she is so botched up she looks like the walking dead, all fcked up and big lipped like a cat fish. She is 30 some years old and STILL dresses like a two cent whore because she needs people to be distracted from her face. The reason she’s still single is because any guy she does trick into banging her, runs away when they see her in the day light and sober, just ask Arthur Cup (who still lives in his moms house at like 35 but has an old Porsche- typical euro trash move) or Bryan Lando (who uploads videos of himself dancing in his kitchen like a complete fag – clearly an act of self-love and idiocy). Those two dead beat losers have both hit it and quit it bc she’s that big of a bust down. Ewelina, lay off the botox, lay off the lip injections, and fck girl cover up already! You’re 30 not 18. People mistake you for a prostitute. Some of us are born ugly, some are beautiful, just accept your fate and make the best of it, but dressing like a hooker and blurring all your pictures to the point where we can barely see a human shape, doesn’t fool anyone honey!! Everyone knows why you do it and its time you stop embArassing yourself.



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Chicago’s Threesome

December 5, 2014 Chicago 18

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THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, love triangle or should I say battle of the bulge. As you Chicagoans may know the beautiful Ashley Barbie aka Ashley is knocked up by Juvie baby. But there is a riff in the love birds relationship. Yes, you guessed right. The no butt having spare tired double chinned Daniella Hedger has been linked to the grouseoum towesom. Juvie supposedly cheated on Ashley. Ashley didn’t know with who, but when she went to the doctor to find out she was pregnant she learned she had a, you guessed it…. DRD. Sooooo who has this DRD in her group of friends? That’s right, Daniella. And how do we know? Because Juvie confessed to his friends and word spread like wildfire. Juvie has been getting picked up by Daniella (he has no car) while Ashley goes to work. Since she’s home all day cuz her bf works to support her she found a boy toy. Now no one is friends with the slob anymore. Just leave, move where no one knows you and do us a favor don’t look back. You are a joke. And poor Trashley now has your gift. Sad. Such banging bodies on both of these how do men choose between you two?



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Most Delusional Bottle Server

December 3, 2014 Chicago, The Dirty 95

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THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, has anyone on here been to the new spot, Shay? Jenn Noerr is so proud to be representing them and Cuvee despite her old age. Instead of being the proud red head she used to be from Elmhurst, Jenn has become so delusional and thinks she is high end. Hate to burst your bubble hun, but we all know you do not have a penny saved to your name and time is running out. You go into debt with all the plastic surgery and over paid clothes so that you can feel pretty on the inside. It must suck to know that no man will wife you up and you have to scramble to find a new career coming soon. On a good note, you have paid for enough Instagram likes that Goodwill will gladly hire you when your old, fake, being finally gets dumped by the night. They will carry the only clothing line you will be able to afford. As a man, paying for a one nighter is as far as it went from my end in the past, no more. Side note, everyone does make fun out of you behind your back. Some fake world you built for yourself.

I think Jenn Noerr missed her window, as in she will never find true love.- nik



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My Own Ad

December 3, 2014 Chicago 26

 

THE DIRTY ARMY: My name is Erin Schwab. I live in Chilicothe, IL. I’m a Mother of two and I’m so sick of mens bullish*t. I’ve tried everything from match to tinder to hangouts to plenty of fish and there are nothing but creeps out there. I have a great job and just want to meet a guy who isn’t a douchebag or plays games. I love Jared Leto but most of all I love to have a good time and I’m extremely explorative. I heard this was a very popular website and I’m at wits end. If this gets posted I’ll display my digits and see if I’ll finally get lucky in life. Here’s hopin.



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Kathy Fouroko Is Back To Partying

December 2, 2014 Chicago, The Dirty 153

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, all I can do is laugh when I see this weirdo! She honestly needs help or one of her fake friends need to tell her she isn’t cute at all and she would be if she didn’t do her makeup like a clown. She leaves her daughter with anyone that’ll take her so she can make a “special appearance” at some dive club in the city. Instead of buying cheap extensions buy your daughter some clothes that actually fit her!

Is her daughter’s name Norphan as well?- nik



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Chode Momma’s Boy

December 2, 2014 Chicago 62

THE DIRTY ARMY: Here’s Chicago’s favorite tool from the suburbs pretending to be from the city once again. Always begging 4-6s for pictures in desperation to post to make his sorry self to seem better when we all know this kids chode has more deseases than a Somali hospital. This tool can’t hold down a job if his life depended on it which it doesn’t because he still lines at home with his pathetic parents and toolbag brother. You can find him leeching off random bottle on “industry nights” which he’s nothing part of because his deejaying “career” consists of gigs at LA Fitness and hole in the wall bars by the Wisconsin border. I have one question for this pathetic being, how does it feel to be deejaying at LA Fitness after 14 years of being a professional DJ? (Couldn’t even type that with a straight face)



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