THE DIRTY ARMY: Feast your eyes on the ultimate pile of fecal matter, Chris “Massive” Myers. Rather than working, Massive spends his days typing unintelligible and ungrammatical WWE-style rants on wrestling forums about how his son are the best wrestlers to ever grace the planet- having no actual accomplishments of his own that do not involve wearing an empty speedo (as you can see from the photo). Inevitably, everyone turns against him, which his simian brain attributes to jealousy. Presumably, everyone wishes that they too were hung like Verne Troyer (aka Mini-Me) as opposed being turned off by his various mental illnesses. As if this wasn’t enough, he likes to punch out the old lady from time to time, as you can see from his mug shot. Massive has picked up Domestic Violence charges in the past few years in both Ohio and Kentucky. Ever the ladies’ man, he’s assaulted other women at wrestling tournaments. Perhaps if he had the equipment to actually pleasure a woman, he wouldn’t feel such an intense desire to beat them all the time. Mr. Empty Pants also likes to pound his chest about what his career as a male stripper. Sadly, the fetish for tiny-peckered men was just a passing fad in the gay community, and Tiny Dancer lost his job. Now he’s on the Government Dole, receiving Disability. Knowledgeable sources indicate that his Disability is considered to be that his penis is so small that he can no longer find employment in his chosen profession of gay male stripper.