THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is David Alford. He’s the definition of a redneck hillbilly. He has crooked yellow teeth, he smells like B.O., and he doesn’t shower. He thinks he’s tough shit since he “boxes” and does MMA. He’s actually a pussy, he talks shit, then when someone threatens to kick his ass, he backs down like a bitch. He was on his school’s football team, and nobody liked him and didn’t want him on the team. He almost got his ass beat by 3 football players in the locker room for talking shit. Then he snitched to his mom, who called the principal and football coaches to complain. After that, he quit like a loser! He’s also a creeper. He constantly texts, facebook messages, and emails girls repeatedly who either ignore him or dog him for being thirsty. Once he starts obsessing over a girl, he talks about her 24/7 like a stalker, thinking he has a chance, when really he doesn’t and gets shut down. He also has an older ugly sister who once screwed 3 guys at the same time in the football stadium announcer room. Talk about a hillbilly moment!
Why’s he wearing a skirt?- nik