THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, since all this drama with Tamra and her loser douchebag husband Simon I wanted to ask you about OC’s Alexis Bellino.  She is super hot with an amazing body and wanted to see what you think?  Personally I totally would but just a few times, I watch the show and when I see how her children see their nanny as their mom and that makes me sick to my stomach.  I mean the girl has never changed a diaper?  What kind of mom is that?  Would you with any of the Housewives any city with a gun to your head and to cure cancer?

Answer:  In the real world it wouldn’t happen because I am not a fan of her face, but if I had no choice and the world needed me to save lives I would sacrifice my Greg for Alexis over any other housewife from all cities (eyes closed though).

**On another note Gretchen Rossi’s make up line is no longer taking orders.  My insider that is in her camp told me they are making up a story (lie) that all their products are sold out, but the real issue is supposedly suppliers are not happy that funds are going through Slade Slimey’s paypal account.  Who really cares?  They are both con artists.

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this woman Angela well everyone knows her as Jay B*rkes Milf which is by far disgusting she is a dumb b*tch who doesnt know how to act her age (which is over 40) and cover up her body. she is nasty as f*ck. talks trash about everyone and thinks she is the goddess of italians..she needs to learn how to MIND her own f*cking business she is all sorts of pathetic.

Over 40, try over 50 and she looks desperate which make her look like a wh*re.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik this is a cougar pup cross, often found prowling around Kings Cross. Maria seen on the far right of her xxx co stars. Only one of them made it the full distance that night and can be seen below after a bit of late night munchies. Nik – mate, would ya?

Answer: no.  old and beat, they have vulture faces…also looks like they had to hire an escort, why’s he dressed like that?

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this 70+ year old trout has been parading around Richmond clubs for the past year. He seems to acknowledge that we are lacking in the young ladies in the Cap City. Instead he gropes and dances all over his 60+ year old BBW hottie girlfriend. He says screw Ed Farty, the dude is constantly decked out in up and coming designer clothing.  Will you be able to keep up when you’re his age?

Talk about end-life crisis.  Gramps is rocking the fo-hawk and Assliction shirt… he must be MMA for sure.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: This shawty right here is vivia. shes a true dime fasho. shes loving on the little boys who have to be at least 3 years younger than her. i heard she f*cked a couple guys on her bday and came downstairs to a party at her house. she didnt even care bout her house becuz she wanted to get laid soo badly. asians are horny and vivia is a good example. shes gross and is a ubc wh*re. shes uglky and her flat and round face makes her atrocious. also she thinks shes model type with her ‘photoshoots’ and her professional pictures shes uploaded on facebook. gross! also, she likes to hunt down her friends boyfriend and demand them to f*ck her or “comeover” and play video games. and of course, their younger, so they would love to play video games. she’s gross and ugly and pure greasy… espcielaly how she works at mcdonalds. perfect job for a greasy wh*re.

Noodles prey on the young and helpless, she’s got to get it before the young kanucks figure out the noodle ways.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, Ummmm.. what to say about this woman Blake. This Woman use to be my friend. Me and my girlfriend went through a breakup and she was going to help by letting her stay at her house. I suppose it’s my own fault, the woman is 41 years old has three kids went to rehab and still drinks a bottle of wine every day and party like shes still is in the 80’s. She can’t pay any of her bills, and actually used her daughters name to get PG&E Electricity but then couldn’t pay that either. She leaves her kids in a garage to play unsupervised why they party every night. Not only did this woman convince my ex to have an abortion and not tell me, but then introuduced her to many of her guy friends to wh*re around with. My ex actually had sex with a guy three days after her abortion, then without showering had sex with me. Of course I didn’t know that but my exfriend did. She is known in Roseville and Sacramento as someone that goes after Older Rich guys because she doesn’t want to work and uses them for what she can get.

And you really want to know why I call Sacramento the Armpit of California.  Even the Cougars in that town cannot be classy.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this cougar is out all the time…at all the swanky clubs…and she thinks she is all that…the fake boobs aren’t helping either! She doesn’t get that her youth is so far behind her and the young guys she seeks don’t think she’s hott! I’m thinking cougar-troll, what do you think?

I’m thinking that the black sheba has a handle on the situation. Nuff said.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik My cousin is friends with this chick named Emma Str*. She lives in the United Kingdom and I swear she thinks she’s all that. She’s about 45 years old and she’s trying to get with my 19 year old cousin. She should find someone her own age! She’s also always going to the club to meet younger people so she can fit in and feel good about herself. Nik, would you with this cougar?

45 and still going to raves, she is triple the age of most of the people there…she also forgot to apply her Mac force-field around her eyes.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik Lisa the Cougar is frequently spotted in her natural habitat of Victor’s “cougar bar” in Milwaukee. She has preyed on many college students. Be careful..

She pecked at her bird feeder too much, it messed up her face.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik this is Lucy Sh**. You can catch her at Mosaic and Tengo desperately attempting to reclaim her twenties when she’s actually pushing forty, proof positive that there needs to be some sort of age limit as to who they let in at the P&L. She claims to be a “professional” all the time and won’t shut up about her two master’s degrees, but for some reason she can’t spell or speak right, and she teaches at an alternative high school where they breed future gangbangers and Denny’s line cooks—part of that is due to the fact that no self-respecting school system wants to hire a dumb slut with saggy +2’s to attempt to teach. Oh, and she’s by no means rich. Pay off your student loans. Lucy is a big part of the reason KC has such a bad name. We don’t need old cougar sk*nks taking up valuable club space. We don’t need to see you flexing your tranny back muscles and asking us to take pictures of them. Why do you think your camera keeps getting stolen??? We’re sick of you, Lucy. Could you please start acting your age and stay home? Could you also delete your Facebook account? Your status updates are sadder than a retard trying to do his own taxes.  And STOP DANCING ON THE POLE!! You’re going to sprain a lung or something.

I honestly believe there should be an age limit for chicks.  I am thinking any girl over the age of 35 should not be allowed to enter a nightlife venue.  Guys are all good though.- nik