THE DIRTY ARMY: I’m in love with Jordan Keali. I see her all the time downtown at Sports Column and she’s always with her cow friends. Why does such a thick and sexy woman like her hang with dumb ugly cows? I went to try and talk to her and some HUGE FATTY named Kelly got in my way and said her friend would talk to me if I buy her and her friends a round of drinks. I went to the bar and bought 7 top shelf drinks and then SHE WOULD’NT EVEN GIVE ME THE TIME OF DAY. She’s always out with black African dudes so I know I don’t stand a chance. I thought she was an upstanding Christian but in person she’s got a ton of cellulite and a cold sore on her lip. She’s a lot fatter than her IG pics show. She’ll prob have her big black man’s baby soon. She loves photoshop. What a waste.