THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, Britney Kimball went hard Wednesday night. She bragged to all over her “friends” via text how she had sex with the Cincinnati Reds player Brandon Phillips in the backseat of his car. Hey Brit what number were you?

Does that car even have a back seat?- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this asshole’s name is Spencer Kasmere from West Palm Beach, FL. We’ve talked on and off for the past 2 years and he has been nothing but a waste of time. He will text me and persuade me that his intentions are good, but then he will just end up trying to use me. He is a desperate and lonely loser who tries to get with me at his own convenience. He knows that whenever we talk I have feelings for him, but that doesn’t matter to him. As long as he gets what he wants. I finally put my foot down after he recently texted me trying to hook up again. He didn’t like that so he sent me some pretty f*cked up texts. I want everyone to know about this dirty scumbag.

I’m sure you can do better than Dumbo.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I hope you didn’t think I was kidding when I said Laredo is full of delusional slores. Meet the newest team of DRD infested cakers, the Laredo “Lady Lemurs.” One of them, Sarah Brown has already been posting on here before and no surprise, the dumb slore recently posted a snapshot of her phone where her boyfriend announced he had been sleeping with multiple DRD bug infested fattrastrophes! Ana Laura Lozano still tries to milk her way in this ignorant town by pulling her “Miss Teen Texas” finalist crown and boss everyone as if you just won Miss USA, get real your reputation is too tarnished for you to even attempt to get there. All these bitches walk around the stadium feeling mightier than the f*cking MLB cheerleaders! All of these horses need to be put back in the stable and out of Laredo’s most ghetto club ever, FBar. They all parade themselves taking turns going up to the Dj booth where Fat Lou and the rest of the loser DJs take their turns groping a feel and anything more they want for a couple more free drinks. These girls feel like their lives have changed and suddenly they are the most wanted girls in the city, when really they still have major physical and personality changes that need to be done. There are much hotter girls in the city with class that actually had some self-respect and didn’t even bother try out for this joke. It’s nothing to be proud of to be at the top of a boring barrel. Girls get rid of your Victoria’s Secret bombshell bras if you can’t even fill those out and get your asses into a real university a do something for yourself. There is nothing left in Laredo but dead beat creepy Pepperidge Farm douces! Eat a freaking piece of humble pie and stop updating your every step on facebook and uploading every single moment you live, get a real LIFE!. There’s so much more beyond Laredo get the f*ck out of this city and get real jobs because those looks won’t get any of you anywhere!

Its a team of misfits.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, everyone is still all about Tim Tebow but I’m not sold yet. This guy cannot  be this perfect and such a saint and definitely no virgin.  I truly think behind this perfect image, there is an evil person.  I can totally see him banging strippers, escorts and who ever will keep their mouth shut.  Nik, am I tripping?  Or do you see Tebow having a bad side to him.

No, Tebow is perfect… he is above God.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, Josh Boden used to be a football player for the BC Lions but isnt any more because of his criminal record… I see him in the newspaper all the time with a bunch of charges but somehow he always manages to beat them… I met him once a long time ago at the cactus club before I knew who he was.  He said his name was Joe or Jay and at first came across as really nice and just a little drunk. After talking for a bit he starting telling me how much money we could make obviously hes into that kind of stuff. When i said im not into that kind of stuff he got so angry and started yelling and pushed a chair over on to me and left. I had a bruise on my hip from it for almost 2 weeks. It was the most scary experience I’ve ever had considering van is a pretty safe place… When I saw him in the newspaper I remember his face. He seemed really dangerous and like he had a really bad temper so obviously he needs help or some real jail time. Im probably not the only one thats he did this to. i saw him on the cover of the province a couple days ago saying he might go to jail. I guess if he doesnt people need to know that hes dangerous and to watch out for him!!

Anybody can play football in the CFL, it’s nothing to be proud of.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, looks like Serena Williams is not so tough after all:) She announced she is withdrawing from the Italian Open because her back hurts. Maybe its her body breaking down from carrying all the extra muscle mass developed by her steroid consumption. LMFAO.

Her arms are not cute.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Hey Nik, did you hear what Serena Williams said about the male tennis players? She called top men ‘weenies’ for complaining about blue clay in Madrid and Women are way tougher than men. That’s why we have the babies. You guys could never handle kids,” “We ladies don’t complain, we just do our best. On the WTA we are real performers, we are not going out there and being weenies.” She is obviously bitter because no real man would want to have anything to do with her cause she looks more like a man then any other man.

She just wants attention because nobody is talking about her.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, so… Jeremy Shockey got engaged on April 9th to the girl he cheated on with Emily Maynard while he was in Charlotte. The wedding is this weekend (May 19) in Miami. They are registered at Neimans and everything. She is a 23 year old who recently dropped out of the Fashion Institute in Miami. The bachelor party was on a party bus in Miami last weekend, and was pretty wild. Most of his friends aren’t supporting him. And even heard that they had a “misunderstanding” when it came to the pre nup.  Do you think its true love?

It wont work. Jeremy Shockey is making a huge mistake, just look at her knuckles.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I always see this guy around Scottsdale. He is always wearing his sunglasses in the club. Dude its dark out take those things off. Anyway, about a month ago I saw this guy at El Hefe on a Sunday Funday. He got arrested because his ego is obviously too big. He thought he was entitled to come back into the bar so he hit the bouncer. I did some research and found out he played for the 49ers or shall we say never played a game in his life as an NFL player but likes to walk around town like he’s a big deal. Put this loser on blast! I dare a team to pick up someone who tore his ACL and obviously is mess.

Scottsdale is where all the failed NFL players hang out because the girls are so stupid and think these guys still play because they are big and black.- nik

Makes no sense, why not steal a jersey off the bush instead of a flat screen. The jersey will be worth more eventually. RIP Junior.- nik