The Burrito | Nik Richie + Dirty Army intel, opinions, gossip, satire, and celebrities - Part 4

The Burrito In Vegas

May 26, 2009 Chicago, The Burrito, The Dirty 59


THE DIRTY ARMY:  Nik, I just wanted to say that this past weekend was awesome.  I saw a ton of DIRTY CELEBs and I couldn’t believe how insane The Burrito was!!!!  Check out this picture he let me take of him at the Venus pool.  Well I just want to make sure you made it home safe considering he told me he was going to kick your ass.

Yeah, I am all good.  He tried to roll up on me at the clubs a couple times… eventually I got to talk to him one on one and just told him I could make him famous.  Not sure where it left off, but I am still alive and the internet seems to be working fine.- nik

+ Submit More Info 59 Comments

Queen Of Spades?

May 21, 2009 Chicago, Las Vegas, The Burrito, The Dirty, Washington DC 100


THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, just so you know, or if you care that I just started checking out your site and I have to say its incredible. The way you just make fun of everyone, all these years I thought I was the only one who hated everybody. Keep up the great work, Your an inspiration to all of us who just straight hate and tell it like it is. By the way, whats the deal with that doush bag who drinks cheap vodka and carries a gun all the time. That guy should have a Queen of spades attached to his hat.

Well, here he is working out getting ready to kick my ass this weekend.  The Burrito this picture doesn’t scare me.  So stop emailing me pictures with a countdown.  LOSER!- nik

+ Submit More Info 100 Comments

It Is Going Down

May 20, 2009 Chicago, Las Vegas, Scottsdale, The Burrito, The Dirty 123


Great, we have confirmed that The Burrito is coming to Las Vegas for Memorial weekend.  Looks like Belvedere liquor sales will be at an all time high at Circus Circus.

+ Submit More Info 123 Comments

The Burrito Has Been Cast In Commando 2

May 19, 2009 Chicago, The Burrito, The Dirty 69


THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, is it true that The Burrito has been hand picked to resurrect John Matrix from Commando? This might be the best sequel ever!!

What the hell is wrong with this guy?  The Burrito needs serious help!- nik

+ Submit More Info 69 Comments

The Sniper Burrito Rolling Out To Vegas

May 19, 2009 Chicago, Las Vegas, The Burrito, The Dirty 261


EMAIL From Burrito Z06: Nik,

I see you and my neighbor have decided to pick on me again.  And tell you stupid agent Ari who keeps calling and inviting me to your f*cking lame Vegas weekend and I don’t think you guys understand something, I F*CKING HATE YOU AND WANT YOUR SH*TTY SITE SHUT DOWN!  I do have some interesting news for you, as a coincidence I will be rolling out to Vegas that weekend with a crew 10 deep and guess what…we are going to f*cking roll you b*tch.  You think those scrawny bodyguards and lame ass bouncers can stop me and my crew?  Are you f*cking kidding me bro.  You know why you should be scared, because jail doesn’t phase me bro.  I have been locked up 4 times already and almost killed a guy once with my bare hands and each time I go in, I come out stronger.  I might not be able to shut down the internet yet, but I can smash your f*cking computer over your head.  Then where will you and your website be?  SHUT DOWN!  I will be locked up and eventually get out.  Your face, head and life will be f*cked forever.  Sweet dreams f*ggot, and let your bodyguards know my crew flies private, no TSA baggage check, we will be packing if you know what I mean!

P.S. – Hey Will you think you are funny taking pictures of me walking my dog and gardening, watch out for stray bullets (picture attached) d*ckhead. 

Packing?  Packing what, fudge in your boy’s ass?  I am not scared of you, your “crew”, your bottle, your internet switch or the millions of Spanish speaking fans you have all over Mexico.  My bodyguards are Ninjas.  They will throw a ninja star at your ace of spades from 500 yards away that might penetrate your skull, if you’re lucky.- nik

+ Submit More Info 261 Comments

The Burrito Does His Own Landscaping

May 18, 2009 Chicago, The Burrito, The Dirty 96


THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, you would think that if the Burrito had all that money, he would pay someone to do his yard work. Also, do you think maybe he putts from the rough? Look at that dog! What a little sissy pet…

Do you think those lava rocks will overheat the bottle of Belvee?- nik

+ Submit More Info 96 Comments

The Burrito Loves Summertime

May 12, 2009 Chicago, The Burrito, The Dirty 62


THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, just when I thought the Burrito went into hiding after WMC, here he is back up to his old ways. Please tell me pays these broads to hang out with him.

Dear The Burrito, I heard through the Chicago grapevine that you are coming to Las Vegas Memorial Weekend to grab my neck and rape me in the face.  I just want to warn you that if you even try to attempt that I will grab your Ace of Spades card and rip it in half.  Maybe take one of the sharp edges of the ripped card and slash a Z on your ass like Zorro.- nik

Also See:  DIRTY CELEB The Burrito

+ Submit More Info 62 Comments

Pres. Burrito, 2012

April 6, 2009 Chicago, The Burrito, The Dirty 29


THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I’m scared. A newly introduced bill, The Cybersecurity Act of 2009 gives the president the ability to “declare a cybersecurity emergency” and shut down or limit Internet traffic in any “critical” information network “in the interest of national security.” The bill does not define a critical information network or a cybersecurity emergency. That definition would be left to the president. What happens when Ed Farty bankrolls the Burrito’s 2012 campaign?

I think I am good because Obama is muslim.  He will side with bloggers who look like camel jockeys.- nik

+ Submit More Info 29 Comments