THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik My cousin is friends with this chick named Emma Str*. She lives in the United Kingdom and I swear she thinks she’s all that. She’s about 45 years old and she’s trying to get with my 19 year old cousin. She should find someone her own age! She’s also always going to the club to meet younger people so she can fit in and feel good about herself. Nik, would you with this cougar?

45 and still going to raves, she is triple the age of most of the people there…she also forgot to apply her Mac force-field around her eyes.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik In a last ditch attempt to find you a brunette this is Cheryl Cole pretty much Britains sweetheart, Member of the UK’s biggest girl band Girls Aloud and shes a judge on the X Factor, Simon Cowell’s version of American Idol over here. Its been in the news today that her footballer husband has been caught having a second affair. Would you?

Answer:  I would let her date me for a couple weeks and see if there is any chemistry.  We just got to work on the knee caps, but love is possible.

THE DIRTY ARMY: This is Roxanne McKee from an English soap opera called Hollyoaks…Well would you?

Is that a photo shopped out bum chin I see and her nose looks a little off..I’ll need more pictures.- nik

DIRTY ARMY, here is your beautiful picture for “Caption of the Day”.

Damn it, I just shart myself? Please be funny and not racist.

Winner of this Caption of the Day wins a DIRTY ARMY Shirt guy or girl!

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Last Caption (Click Here) Winner: Luddite

Move over Leper, we found a NEW mascot for The Dirty.

THE DIRTY ARMY: OK so the attached pictures are of Dena and her friends. Dena thinks she is gods gift to men and is a Greek Goddess but I think she is on some serious drugs. They run around to all these dive bars thinking they run the town which isn’t the case.  She has a little boy at home who instead of letting the dad watch him while she is out doing lines of C just finds anyone and everyone else to watch him for her because she is so bitter and cant let things go.  She will even have house parties while her son is there sleeping and people are doing lines all over the house getting smashed.  I think she’s trash but Nik I have to ask you would you?  I am just curious because alot of other guys apparently feel that she is the greek goddess and fall for her.

Answer:  No, she needs to fix her beak, and you can tell she has a bad refund gap when she is naked.

THE DIRTY ARMY: (CNN.com) - One person was killed Thursday when a stage being built for a Madonna concert collapsed in Marseille, a fire department spokesman in the southern French city said.

“At this point we don’t know how it happened, but we are confident no one else is still under the rubble,” Goddin said.

About 27 fire engines and 80 firefighters responded to the emergency when the stage collapsed at 5:15 p.m. (1515 GMT). Madonna is due to play the first of five concerts for the U.S. singer’s “Sticky and Sweet” tour at the Stade Velodrome on Sunday. 

At least now we know who wasn’t wearing their mandatory kabbalah bracelet.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, so this is “Kataxenna K*millia K*va” aka another fake ass myspace model. Check out her waist, she claims it’s natural, along with her collagen-inflated lips, and the rest of her disturbing body. Besides her nasty plastic torso, her face is that of a tranny. But some guys have defective eyes since they beat it to her pix.

What is wrong with her waist, did a magician mess up?- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, the crazy girl with the 56 stars on her face finally admitted that she requested the tattoo and fabricated lie after lie to cover it up:

Kimberley Vlaminck, the girl who claimed her face was tattooed with 56 stars while she slept, has admitted she made up the story. Ms Vlaminck, 18, had initially insisted she went into the tattoo parlour requesting three stars, but dozed off during the procedure and awoke in horror to find a veritable galaxy on her face. She then vowed to sue the tattoo artist, Rouslan Toumaniantz, for $20,000 for failing to understand her instructions.

“It is terrible for me,” she said last week… I cannot go out on to the street. I look like a freak.” But under a wave of cynicism from the public Ms Vlaminck has finally admitted she wanted all the stars and was “fully aware” of what Mr Toumaniantz was doing… “I asked for 56 stars and initially adored them,” she said. “But when my father saw them, he was furious. So I said I fell asleep and the that the tattooist mad made a mistake.”

Mr Toumaniantz had previously agreed to help pay for the tattoo removal saying: “Kimberley is unhappy and it is not my wish to have an unsatisfied client.” But according to the UK’s Daily Telegraph this offer has now been withdrawn, although Mr Toumaniantz concedes he will now get written consent from his clients.

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Euros are all crazy… a bunch of Mike Tyson’s walking around.- nik

Time to get Up and start your Friday right!

DUBLIN – The Archbishop of Dublin said Thursday that an upcoming report on child sexual abuse involving Catholic priests will likely reveal that thousands of youngsters were abused from 1975 to 2004.The report “will shock us all,” said Diarmuid Martin, during Mass at Dublin’s Pro-Cathedral.The archbishop said the report, compiled by the Dublin Archdiocese Commission of Investigation, is expected to show that “thousands of children or young people across Ireland were abused by priests in the period under investigation and the horror of that abuse was not recognized for what it is.”The government-appointed commission was set up to investigate abuses within the Dublin archdiocese in 2006, the same year the diocese admitted that up to 102 of its priests were suspected of abusing children. The report is studying how complaints of child sexual abuse were handled.The commission has also now begun an investigation into the Diocese of Cloyne, in County Cork. Commission member Ita Mangan said that could potentially delay the publication of the Dublin report which had been planned for this summer.”The commission will be finishing the report in May; we then send it to the government, and they then decide when to publish it,” Mangan said Thursday. “The government is obliged to publish it, but not necessarily the next day. It could be further complicated by the fact that we’re also inquiring into the Cloyne diocese. It is possible the government would decide to publish the two reports together, which could then be September, October.”The Department of Justice, Equality and Law Reform said Thursday that it could not confirm any planned date of publication.Ireland, a predominantly Catholic country, has been rapidly secularizing in recent years, spurred by the outrage at the hidden abuses within the clergy. Archbishop Martin, a Vatican diplomat assigned in 2003 to address the problem, appeared to address that disillusionment Thursday in his homily.”There is a dramatic and growing rift between the church and our younger generations and the blame does not lie principally with young people,” he said.

Blame it on the h-h-h-holy water.- nik