THE DIRTY ARMY: Did I say Anton, Im sorry im sorry, its Antoniooo.  This dumbass Russian thinks it sounds better.  Dudes name in anton syd, more life s*ph, which he has, don’t ask how I know.  he is a male model though so, i guess thats a given.  So I was given the distinct pleasure of hanging out with this numnuts for a day.  I don’t even know where to begin with this guy, he thinks he is god, he gives his “Antonio, I’m a model you idoit” advice about everything, out of blue, he’s just a moron.  So I didn’t remember/pay attention to most of this guys incoherent babble, I did however remember his pool tricks, aka dick tricks.  I Guess its always important to be sporting a mini chub in the fashion industry, before we headed out to the pool he ‘gave me his advice’ and started rubbing on his nuts, he says you’re guaranteed a chick if you walk around with your swimsuit outlining your dick.  I wish I was kidding.  he said it worked everytime (I did not partake).  Shocker when he went back to the hotel empty handed.  Thought you’d enjoy dick tricks with Antonio.  Also, no surprise I found pics of his dick tricks on his facebook (I did not nor would not take a picture of a wang).  YnWnR.

This guy looks like a legend. I want to know more… I haven’t seen greatness like this since The Burrito or Frog.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, how do you feel about LeAnn? Where to start… that face, the stretch marks on a HORRIBLE boob job… she has fabulous legs but that’s about it physically. With all that money, why couldn’t she afford a good plastic surgeon?

The whole on her chest is comparable to Tori Spellings.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this here is Anita, I personally think she is the most amazing looking female I have seen, she has a very exotic look about her.  I truly do believe she has what it takes to be the nanny for Press.

Nope, I don’t want Press seeing her reflection from Anita’s forehead. The vanity aspect is not good for child growth.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Ok, I have been so frustrated with the girls people have been submitting to you… I have to pray that they are self-submissions and not just blatant stupidity. I think I finally broke your code, or at least have come closer that anyone else in a while. This girl is everything you like, from the blonde hair, the nose, dream killer eyes, perfect +2′s and back dimples. So, Nik, did I find a yes?

Answer: Not really sold on the nose and she could lose about 5 more pounds. I do have to say this one is warmer than most. The lips look soft and the eyes look like they would go well with a nice glass of wine.

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this chicks name is Rebeca Penteado.  She manages one of the gyms in the Hamptons, fyi Nik, we love you here, you know us rich people love GOSSIP.  She thinks she is the best thing since sliced bread and always talks about her big Brazilian booty.  She is trying to become a bikini model… do you think she has what it takes?

I have seen those fingers on an animal once.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is Maggie. She’s literally obese, b*tchy, and LOVES little kids. All of her friends are 12-16 pretty much and she’s 22. It’s really weird and everyone makes fun of her because she has sex with kids because she can’t get with anyone her age. She also thinks she’s a “professional” photographer. No. Just no. Please put this thing on blast.

Her future will be pretending to be someone else online…she will also have red hair.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I would. So this is Shelley, she’s 5″2 and puerto rican. She’s really really sweet and has a big heart. :’) If not, please in detail tell me WHY you’d be so clueless as to not? She doesn’t photoshop and she gets her friend to take pictures for her to put on facebook.

Answer: No, her pig like nose and snaggly teeth make her unattractive.

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THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this guy Braden Hilton got married at 17, divorced at 18, and married again at 19, because he got the girl pregnant. He was married to the second girl, Jessica for a while and then cheated on her with her old friend Ali and got her pregnant too. Jessica is now pregnant with their second baby, so basically: he’s had two different wives and two baby mommas and he’s barely even 20. These people are so trashy, they are crazy! He claims he is in love with both of his baby mommas right now, I hope these kids get taken away!

I thought people in the Hamptons have money, why doesn’t his Dad just pay for these babies to be erased?- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this fat giiRl is just nasstty her past hobbies involved having sex in back yards and behind buildings with random black thugs who she did not even know the name of- but all that is a secret SHH her current hobbies consist of screwing hillbillies, and tatted up wanna be white boy gangsters, getting hair extentions, changing her hair color every week, going to the tanning bed until her skin is as orange as an oompa loompa’s, badly photoshopping her pictures that no one in their right mind would want to see, and of course partying. Sadly this girl thinks that she is the ‘cats meow’.. She makes plans with nice girls, and then stands them up, and is over all just a disgusting human being with no morals.

She looks like John Travolta.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik She go by Moe Dollars. Her mother named her Natasha but really her mother should have just swallowed her. and down the line. She frequents your local hotel/motel to suck off old men for money. She’ll sleep with your man-and your father- hey, nad even ya grandfather. And dont tell her your name, most likely she’ll have it tattooed on her body in no given time. Keep your eyes open and ur dick in your pants….Good luck.

It must be really hard to tattoo on flab.- nik