THE DIRTY ARMY: Hi Nik, this is my friend’s wife. He is a millionaire and can pull way better tail than this but he thinks she is perfect and she keeps spending all their family money.  I keep telling him to divorce her but he will not listen. What do you think?

I think he needs to cut her loose and trade up to something younger with a firmer body who has not had a taste of the good-life. Sorry bro, but Hampton’s money should buy way better than that… you can probably go online and find someone way hotter who doesn’t even speak english that would dominate over your wife.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is Martyna, she is friends with Style Network’s Jerseylicous star Olivia. She thinks she’s the cutest thing ever…. Anyway since we all know you’re over brunettes, would you with this Polish cutie?

Answer: I actually watched that Jersey Shore rip off show last night randomly and GiGi is my favorite, but besides that this chick wouldn’t even get a head raise from me judging from the way she pushes up her real rack and has a fat face.  Honestly her head is three times the size of her body and I bet you she has a voice that sounds like someone is sacrificing a goat.  I can tell by her handsome collar bone. 

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this broad just added me on my Facebook, & the only question that comes to my mind is WTF IS SHE THINKING? She has hundreds of pictures on her page of her *modeling*. There’s nothing worse than a self-absorbed little sh*t that thinks she’s good looking & goes out of her way to get compliments from desperate men on Facebook. Not to mention the whole “Barbie” thing? Wtf ladies? It’s ANNOYING. STOP IT!  I mean does this girl not have one friend or family to tell her she is nothing like barbie? but more like Barbaro(RIP).

This makes me not want to come to the Hamptons this summer.- nik