THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is Candice Swanepoel, she’s a South African model and frigging gorgeous. I have a huge girl crush on her and I would definitely switch teams for Candice. She has perfect hair and pretty blue eyes, her boobs could be a little bigger but I think she’s gorgeous. So Nik, would you?

Answer: I know who she is and I have always had issues with how long Candice’s neck is, but the real answer to your question is Yes. 

THE DIRTY ARMY: Hey Nik! I was wondering which you like better: curly or straight hair? In what circumstances would one look better then the other? Which type of curls is the most beautiful? Thanks! Btw I loove your site! DA STRONG.

I hate curly hair with a passion. STRAIGHT or die.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, came across this Jenna Marbles video and could not stop thinking about it.  Like is this what my GF of 3 years is thinking about when we are doing the nasty?  Because if it is, I don’t want to be a part of this.  Seems really unfair.  And yes when my eyes are closed, I’m thinking about f*cking her best friends and her big breasted mother.

What you wrote is funnier than this video.- nik

Keisha take that shiny lint out of your belly button… it’s 2012.- nik

Click here to vote for Keisha.

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, we all remember Omarion from B2K.   And we all remember he was a part of a one hit wonder, poor guy must be hating his life, no music career or anything.  If he thought he still had a career the first picture should tell him everything.  Look at the girl, what is she doing?  Hiding her face, why?  Cause Omarion fell off and she doesn’t need to be embarrassed.

I remember this guy from the 90′s right? Him and Jesse McCartney should hang out.- nik

JUNIOR VARSITY:  Nik, one of my favorite smoking hot girls Keisha is part of Maxim’s Hometown Hotties this year and I wanted to see if we could help her win this title.  I saw the other girls and they don’t even stand a chance next to her.  She has my vote and she should have everyone elses.

This is cheating JV.- nik

The most common statements I have heard over the years:

Year 1: “This will never work.”

Year 2: “Someone is going to kill you.”

Year 3: “You are going to get AIDS.”

Year 4: “Can I be your friend?”

Year 5: “You made it.”

Come join me May 25th as we continue to make history.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, what the hell is up with TMZ this am?  I’ve been killing time all morning at work on TheDirty since TMZ is down and I finally decided to submit a post.  So here it is. I know you are boys with those guys so can Hack help them out or something?

TMZ has a staff of 150 people and I have a staff of 1 (plus a couple stoners). I don’t think my phone call to Hack would solve anything.- nik

Here is the replay of last nights Nik Richie Radio show. ENJOY!

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, okay this beauty is Irina Shayk, a Russian model who is also dating Christiano Ronaldo. She has been getting more and more press, I think she is stunning! I can find nothing wrong.. I try and look at things you go for besides not being blonde she seems to be unstoppable!

Am I the only one who notices her upper lip? Mr. Ronaldo are you blind?- nik