THE DIRTY ARMY: Dear Nik! My name is Cari and I want to put myself on the dirty with all my roommates, because really, who knows me best? They say the first step is admitting it right? So here we go… I am a dirty whore. Yep, ive slept with all kinds of girls. Lots of them. I cant help it, damn I like pssy! I used to have this album years ago on MySpace (which seems lame to talk about but people still like to bring it up) that has me kissing about 40 girls on there that I was just kissing. Seems juvenile perhaps but hey, some people collect coins, I collected girls. Oh well. I have also have had sex with a few boys, 4 exactly. Their names are Jim, Jacob, Josh and Joshua. I know, its a strange J thing. Unfortunately, the last one knocked me up, but I didnt end up having a kid because im a woman and thats my prerogative, thank you America!! So yep, if you didnt already know that about me, now you do! OHHH well!! Ive had a few serious girlfriends, some good ones, a few psychos. And this last time that I gave this nutbag a chance, she pissed me off and I had this knife in my hand and instead of stabbing her and ending up in jail, I stabbed myself in leg and ended up in the psych ward. And guess what I learned from that? Two important lessons. 1. That shit hurts like a bitch. and 2. If I had the nerve to stab myself, im pretty sure I wouldn’t hesitate to stab somebody else. I dont do drugs, even though you bet your ass if I had little or no bills or just the love of wasting my money, I totally would be! Hell yea, I would get fcked up all the time! Sadly, I have to go to work and pay bills and do those kind of working stiff things. Sucks right? Other things that make me a good candidate for this website:
1. My socks smell fricking terrible after the end of the workday. For real. They stink. My roomates make me leave my shoes at the door. 2. I am still sleeping with girls as we speak, im adding them to the list of conquered “P”. Yep, still whoring around. Nope, dont care. 3. I use proper English. I know, I know, not really dirty, but it seems like its a dying thing so I thought I would mention it. 4. My roomates think that my cat doesnt get fed everyday. This may or may not be true. 5. I left shoes in a bar in New Orleans and walked down the street in my socks. Now thats dirty!!! 6. Did I mention my parents hate me? They are persona non grata with the gay thing. Oh well, win some, lose some. 7. Sometimes.. and this is hard to say.. I make the duck face in pictures!!! Too much Jersey Shore I guess. Anything else my roomates Bean, Val and Rachel can think of they will come and add later via the comment section, just in case I missed anything. Thanks for listening Nik, I am so glad I got this all off my chest. P.S. Beat you at your own game… now go tell that shit!
How admirable of you. Now its time for some healing.- nik