THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I submitted my ultimate girl crush a few weeks ago and I was so disapointed you didn’t post it! You post girls who are way fatter and uglier than this girl all the time! I think her body is perfect and I am dying to know what you think. So, why didn’t you post her?

Because her face is too old for my website. I’m not trying to lure the older Trout demo. Tell this chick to quit with the selfies and stick to the photoshop airbrush. Her real rack looks younger than her face.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is Kelly Dulak again. Aka Kelly D. Exactly what is wrong with my knee caps? Why do you hate them so much? I asked you if I was ugly or not! Not what you think about my knee caps! Here are some pictures of me with my knee caps cut out. What do you think? I’m not as ugly as everyone in the comments are saying am I? They’re all probably just jelly because I am skinnier and more ripped than all of them! Please, be honest and tell me what you think? Prove them wrong and tell them I’m not ugly. Oh and I also want to point out that I am 24, not 12.

I can’t see your face because of your nose. Honestly, I think you are ugly. I would never check you out while waiting in line at a grocery store.- nik

ALSO SEE:

Another Chance

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is Lisa Estela and she is basically a resident at Mur Mur.  The girl really needs to find someone new to handle those eyebrows for her because it seems like she can’t.  Wanted to see what you think about Lisa and are you surprised Mur Mur is her go to club? FYI- your website is blowing up in AC.

Her eyebrows make the perfect handle bars. I think I saw this b*tch on Craigslist.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I moved out to Jersey a few months ago due to my promotion.  I moved from Orange County, CA and I literally can’t stand this place.  Jersey is it’s own world, all the guys are juiced up and literally all they do is work out, it is insane.  Then you got all the girls who have the thickest most massive legs and they all try and cover that by getting the biggest +2′s they could get.  But it really doesn’t help out at all, actually makes the girls look worse.  I might have got a 20k raise, but it was not worth the depression I’m currently battling.  Nik check out the girls I have to deal with, talk about TREE STUMPS!

I feel your pain brother. I get it… after a couple squeezes of the bowling bowls you get bored. All you want to do is throw her legs over your shoulders, but that is impossible with Jersey girls.- nik