THE DIRTY ARMY: Ok Nik, boy do I have one for you! So I go to college at Henderson State, I’m a sophomore. I dig cougars if their tits don’t sag like runny eggs, but when Sheila Greeb approached me sloppy drunk and asking if I’d lick her poon I had to self-heimlich. There were six of us there, eating lunch just shooting the shiz and here she stumbles, reeking of booze and cigarettes. We couldn’t understand half of what she was saying, and the other half was sexual advances that made our toenails fall off. This ugly heifer got uppity with us when we told her we weren’t into land-whales and started lifting up her skirt to show us what seemed to be a preserved rueben sandwhich stuck between her hamhock thighs. Im not afraid of much, but we actually had to call campus security to remove this hot air balloon shaped lush from our presence. Sadly, we had no appetite after the event. We just cant figure out what the hell possessed her to be lushed up and hitting on college kids at her weight and age? Managed to find her dating profile where she talks about being a good christian looking for Mr Right. LOL. Unless Mr Right is a trailer park janitor, I think she’s gunna be looking for awhile to come…

Excuse me, did you say she was in college…- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, DA strong for 3 years now. This big boy right here is at it again. This time he broke Ashley Tallents heart. I tried Nik, so hard, to warn Ashley prior to this happening. (Just search for Brandon Peck aka Hurley Hat part 2 on thedirty) But, like most of these women in my city, pointy nose Ashley is only concerned with getting knocked up like her whore friends Brooke Archer Edwards and Brooke Bettoney. Gone are the days of yore where women strive to be independent, confident, and classy. All we’re left with in this town are grade A sloots. Raised as “princess’” by mommy and daddy and built for doing as little possible in life and consistently being $30k’s for life. Just look at Heather Dyre for example. The $30k for life, is strong in that one. But enough about our wretched beast like females in this town whom have no concept of ITG. Let’s get back to the real gem this town has. And that’s our very own Hurley Hat aka BP aka $30k aka don’t smile. This sweetheart is quite the charmer. He’s slayed the vaginas of the following: Paige Runnells, Drea Edwards, Heather Dyre, Ashley Tallent, Karri Neeley, MeganJean LaBanca, Courtney Cox, Brooke Edwards, Kaileigh Horse Face *whatever her last name is*, Ashlee Long, should I keep going??? So many girls have sucked and fcked their way to attempt their best to get this guy to commit. But he won’t do it. He continues to screw these women over hard Nik. It’s a tragedy. The positives, however, are there. The kid has the ability to be a good man. I’ve seen it. Especially when he’s DJing and he throws his index finger up in the air. It’s in that fine moment time stand stills, and I see a glimmer of light in the young mans eye… It’s in that moment everyone recognizes, that he is meant for great things. I’d like to go on record now Nik and say that I challenge anyone to find a greater gem in the state of AR then our very own Hurley Hat aka BP. He’s a class act: Charmful, can spin records with the best, has a nice car, solid $30k a year job, many Hurley hats, is always smirking, (never giving too much of a smile yet never displaying a sad face… Some say he is toothless. AR’s greatest mystery to be honest), lovable dog owner, great car, and a cult following of high school girls. What more can anyone ask for?  Alas, we conclude Nik. I’d like to leave the state of AR with one question… Can anyone find me a pic of him smiling?

You should always check the dirty before entering a relationship.- nik