THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is Michele Noonan. She was okay on Big Brother, nothing special, but now she is a wreck. Can you say, Reality Gone wrong. She tries so hard to be popular and be a celebrity. She is such a wanna be blonde. Her hair extensions are the worst, and her wardrobe is ridiculous looking. She will never be a popular hot blonde. so STOP trying. she was a cute redhead nerd, so go back to that. Big brother was the worst thing that could have happened to her.

Blond is better but she’s still ways away.  Her face is to masculine and round, bug eyes can’t even hide its size.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY:  Hey Nik.  Wanted to do a follow up to the douchtards who hit my car and ran.  Saved the best picture for last, figured these felons deserved 2 posts–anyone know who they are???  This all coulda been avoided with a simple apology, who’d expect a ginger to storm off in a minivan.

That is going to be one ugly kid, hopefully he will have hops like Blake Griffin so people will ignore the cross-eyed ugliness.- nik

Also See: Hit and Run

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this little fake hoe tries to act so cool but really is soooo dumb and she walks around thinking shes this hot dancers girl. In reality tho he f*cks EVERY girl he can WHENEVER he can sometimes even within the same hour he f*cks her. How do I know this because I’m one of them! He tells me all of the time how he is not with her and she just wont leave him alone….b*tch omfg get a clue!! She follows him around at the club while he hits on other girls including me. She’s gross.

All she’s missing is a pole.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: NIK, THIS IS JENNIFER. I met this chick at a concert once and she totally is a facebook wh*re. She’s a total insecure chick that thinks shes better than everyone and nobody even really knows who this chick is. SHE lied to my friend after going on a date with him saying she was twenty when she’s really eighteen. She’s a liar and likes hanging out with strange looking dudes that do mth. She thinks she’s hot but what she really is a little smurf with pink hair. She wears men’s underwear that are ten times bigger than her when she goes to sleep at night. She also is a fake chick online on fb. Seriously Nik I think this chick needs a reality chick on how she’s not hot but the alright portion of the dinner plate.

Guys who wear face paint are pedos, it covers up wrinkles.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik is this a man???  I don’t usually find chicks online, I mean I toss around enough cash that they find me, not a baller by any means but I’m comfortable…anyway, saw this friend of a friend online and I had to meet her/him/it.  After a couple weeks of messaging back and forth it was D day, we were gunna meet.  I was going to pick her up and take her to a nice dinner and a few drinks.  After I pulled up I realized I was an idiot, I saw this creature walking around.  Luckily she didn’t see me pull in so I was able to make a clean getaway, I drove off having no doubt in my mind I just saw a man.  Well apparently I’m an assh*le, not that I really care since I’m never gunna talk to this “chick” again.  I’m sure I’ll get a message or two, or 12 once she/he sees this.  Seriously though, I almost went out with a man; partially shaved head, no chest and a jaw bigger then mine.  Please tell me I’m not crazy nik, it looked great in all its pics and then I saw it in person.  Then I re-looked at the pics and again realized i’m an idiot +its name is Che (wtf kinda name is that-clearly one he gave himself).   So nik, am I an idiot or is this not a man…Back to the old routine of buying the boys a round or two at the bar, you’re almost guaranteed to have a girl approach you in the next 5-10 minutes (granted they see you buying the drinks).

Does it really matter if he is a man? You are talking about Hollyweird where every guy is gay by default. Sleeping with this thing makes you cool. Call it back.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, since there’s not much you can do when someone dents your car I thought I’d blast them on thedirty.  These 2 morons were camping beside me at coachella (corner of 40th/main), they had 3 shade tents up on their site, none of which were fastened to the ground.  Of course on the last day they blow over and are pretty much playing dodgeball with my car, luckily I was there to prevent any serious damage.  Of course I woke these 2 up from their power nap in their car to let them have it, they refused to do anything or even take the blame, an apologize would of been nice.  Just 2 f*ckin dicks who say “things happen” and drive away.  Nik please help bring me some justice, I’m obviously not going to file a claim for a dent but people need to be aware of these HIT N RUN artists.

You should report them.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, of course its a chunky asian who looks like she works at a cheap thai massage parlor walking around coachella dripping.  A couple girls stopped her and told her she was leaking and she said “I know”, and kept walking!! into Coachella!!  There were 90,000 people there what the hell were you thinking!! Nik I walked behind this chick for about a mile (my 2 beer walk) falling on the floor laughing as the red dot kept getting bigger.  I got bitched at by a few girls for taking these pictures so avoid total game kill and a posssible slap I didn’t run ahead for the a face shot….oh well, I’m sure someone will recognize her.

DIRTY ARMY Strong my friend!- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, ok this girl Heather, her entire family complains about everything they are on welfare and freeload off of everyone they know. She claims she has ovarian cancer and could never have kids. Then she some how gets pregnant. She claims her baby is a miracle. The best part of all of this is Heather and her ex bf with her mom and a friend Robert. So Robert comes out and says he has been in love her since she got pregnant haha. Now the dude Robert and her are now living together and are in love.

Baby Jesus?- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik meet Nicole Duggan. Internet troll extraordinaiere and slore beyond control. She is 19 and she updates her FB a million times a day with a million pictures of the same exact thing. This girl has been sloring it up at since she was 14. she sleesp with any one and everyone to try and be everyones friend. 2 months ago she had sex with my bff’s bf of 3 years. so karmas a bitch sweetheart. She always tries to be the good girl and says she is a christian and goes to church. Please skank, you can’t post about drinking and drugs, plaster your boobs and butt all over the internet and claim to be a christian. you are giving them a bad name. nik put this fake on blast! would you?

Answer: NO, but that top pic makes her a purple crayon magnet.

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, the noodle in the middle is Elaine aka “mother of the year”. She moved to vegas not long ago after banging a host for a job out there and left her kid behind with her mom to raise. She would rather wh*re it up in vegas and hook up with multiple random hosts at her job slinging drinks than to take care of her kid like a decent mom would. She now and then drives back to visit, but only to hook up with other hosts up in LA.

The kids better off not knowing her and having any bad habits rub off.- nik