THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik its pretty obvious why Omar Khyami broke up with Tamara Ecclestone. Look at that face! I did a quick search online for this billion dollar “beauty”, see if it was to good to be true…it was.  She’s only worth half a billion, all inherited, and the first word I saw when I googled her name was British solcialite — which explains the rapid deterioration/the need for her thick coat of Mac.  Thanks for showing me the light mr richie…

Tamara it’s okay to lipo under that chin to find a jawline.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this girl really gets on my nerves, she is called Fran Clarke she club hops thinking she is some hot shot promoter when really she is just annoying. She flaunts her body like shes the s*** but really her body looks like it hasnt hit puberty, she is also BRIGHT orange. She is also so b*tchy n tries to gold dig but fails miserably. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY SHE HASN’T BEEN ON HERE BEFORE.

Her stomach really freaks me out… its like she has an Alien baby inside of her.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is Abbey Crouch, former model and wife to soccer player, Peter Crouch. She has a 1 year old daughter and looks incredible. She’s slightly horsey in the mouth area, but other than that, I can find no flaws. So, would you??

Answer: No, I would rather be friends with her and Peter. Abbey’s knees have always bothered me and I could never betray Peter like that.

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this chick has been deemed nearly perfect by the UK. They said she had a nearly perfectly symmetrical face, she was proven to be beautiful by science.  So Nik I’ll keep this short and sweet, does she have the most beautiful face?? Also, how much longer will she be workign at that fish n chips…

If she had brown eyes nobody would care.- nik