I Hope My Boy Jamie Iovine Wakes The F*ck Up

March 30, 2014 Miami, The Dirty 256 102,654 Views

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THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, so check this out… my good friend Jamie Iovine started dating Abigail Ratchford.  I thought she was a nice girl, until some random chick we were hanging out with told me how popular she is on your website and how you call her “The Office”… so I decided to do some research, because I don’t want my boy doing something stupid and marry some gold digger since he is so loaded cause of daddy.  Well after asking around and doing some research, my boy is making a huge mistake.  I found out from a few casting directors that everyone keeps telling her that she is 15 to 20 pounds overweight to do any modeling because she is almost 6 feet tall.  Then I come to find out she was desperately asking any guy with money to give her 19k for lipo and ended up sleeping with many of them that promised her the money, but she never got any money from any of them.  At this point, I don’t want to know more, I know enough to know Jamie is f*cking up with this one and needs to do some researching himself.  So I hope he reads this before it is too late.

Isn’t this the kid who tells everyone in Hollywood (mainly chicks) he owns Beats by Dre?- nik



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There Is A Lot Of Bad Molly Going Around At ULTRA

March 30, 2014 Miami, The Dirty 208 99,191 Views

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THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, so DJs have been dropping left and right from “exhaustion”  well, that is the biggest bullish*t lie ever.  I’ve been here for a week and there is just a ton of bad Molly going around.  I myself have ended up in the hospital twice and know a few people as well.  It sucks, but that is the risk you take from taking pills from a random person.  Its crazy how people including myself could carreless, I just want to party, I don’t get why people want to make money of selling bullsh*t drugs.

How about not taking drugs and just enjoying the music?- nik



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Let Me Share My Crappy Miami Music Week Experience

March 30, 2014 Miami, The Dirty 1091 163,623 Views

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THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I come to Miami every year for ULTRA for one reason… All the smoking hot girls that are rolling their asses off and the sex I get to have with so many of them.  I do blow but never f*ck with Molly, just looks way too gay for me.  I have a ton of money, so I get tables and its really easy to get girl cause they assume I’m going to pay for sex or something. So, met this cutie, we talk the whole night, I do my blow she is rolling of course.  Then she tells me she wants to go to my room so she can give me the best blow job of my life, I leave my table and told my friend to keep a watch on the bottle rats so they don’t drink all my sh*t.  1o minutes later we are in my room, sits me on the couch, takes my pants down and start blowing me… she keeps putting her fingers towards my asshole and I clinched up and told her to stay away from my Hershey Highway cause its a one way road… she says sorry and continue, the blowie was ok, she used too much teeth and she seems like a rookie, so she continue to try and put her finger in my butt, I told her to stop for the last time, she continued and all the sudden… BOOM, finger in my ass, I jump up and tell yell at her, and she just responds by telling me that I would have the best orgasms if she just allows me to do it.. I’m thinking this b*tch is crazy.  I turn her over and start f*cking her, about 20 minutes into it I thought I was overdosing on my blow, I felt weird, but very happy.  All the sudden I have to stop and at that point, she proceeds to tell me she put a Molly up my ass when she stuck the finger… then the pill really hit me, I start sweating and my vision starts flickering.  I’m tripping out and she hands me some water cause she said it would help.  I started feeling better and tell her lets f*ck again, then she tells me there is no way I can get my d*ck up because the water she gave me had a mix of 2 mollys and 2 broken up xanax, at this point, I can’t move and my eyes keep closing and am in and out of it.  The stupid bitch then ties my hands up with the electrical cord for my MAC and proceeds to rob me, she takes 4K in cash I had, an ounce of some premium Columbian fine white and the worst, she takes my Audemars Piguet, Jules Audemars Grande Complication that my wife’s father bought me for our wedding present, may I remind you the watch cost over $750,000 dollars.  The picture I sent you that has her and I in it, please don’t post it, just pass it around to all your club owner friends, I need to find this girl and if I do Nik, I will transfer you 25k soon as I get a first and last name.  Thanks for the help, go ahead and post this just keep my name out of it.

I received so many submissions from Miami this week. I figure I would share the best ones with you today. OP, I have been sharing the picture around. Still on the hunt.- nik



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Beach Selfie Gone Wrong

March 30, 2014 Miami, The Dirty 57 98,593 Views

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THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, those aren’t her elbows. If you are friends with this girl can you please tell her guys don’t find rib cages attractive. There’s nothing hot about this selfie!

Why is she sucking in… makes no sense.- nik



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Paris Hilton Proves To The World She Is Not A Legit DJ

March 30, 2014 Miami, The Dirty 42 100,241 Views

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THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, so Paris Hilton is in Miami for Ultra but she is not DJing.  Why?  Because she knows she can’t handle a real EDM crowd.  Every DJ and even their protégées have played but Miss Hilton is too busy and too cool.. ya right.  Thank you for showing us how fake you really are and how you’re not a real DJ, and shame on anyone that has ever hired her at their club.

Miami doesn’t respect her as a DJ yet, nobody would book her even for FREE. It’s ok, her management put a strategy in place to brainwash peasants for next year. The game plan — “Paris go to Miami Music Week and take pictures with real DJ’s and post them on your social networks to gain credibility in the EDM world.” I think this strategy is working, because other countries are stupid. They will see these pictures and book her thinking she is a real DJ. $$$.- nik



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Stephanie Loves Being Pimped Out

March 28, 2014 Miami, The Dirty 108 107,927 Views

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, why does this chick look like she is taking a dump on the sidewalk all the while smiling like she’s surrounded by unicorns and rainbows?!?! Famously known as a “Sister Wife” in the Guccigirl crew. Constantly thanking her Pimp Guccip for sending her shoes and flowers… So you trick for money hand it over, he then in return buys you gifts with the money you earned for slobbing on some nasty guys Greg? Umm ok makes total sense. When will these girls ever learn that red bottoms are not worth dying young from Aids. Are you Gucci’s #1 or is it Alexis, who’s the queen now?

Red bottoms are the new symbol for prostitution. I decided.- nik



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Adobe Spills That She Likes Being “Pounded”

March 28, 2014 Adobe, Miami, The Dirty 101 101,279 Views

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, found an old clip of Brittany Rathel aka Brittany Cole aka Adobe getting interviewed by Playboy. She speaks of wanting to engage in a threesome with a sexy girl and tells all about her sex toy shopping process. Couldn’t watch for longer than 3 minutes without my cheeks flushing in embarrassment for her.

The chick doing the interview is much prettier than Adobe.- nik



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There Needs To Be An Age Limit At Ultra

March 28, 2014 Miami, The Dirty 467 124,267 Views

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THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I’m 19 and this is my first time at Ultra.  I’m already having the best time of my life and thankful my parents allowed me to come.  But, I’m confused on one thing… I have seen so many girls in their 30′s out here partying like they are my age, they are taking the same drugs I am and partying hard like I do.  I thought in your 30′s you should have your life together, with a degree and family?  But no, most of these girls are just jumping from guy to guy trying to get Molly and get high… It’s actually very embarrassing, I have 3 years of college left and you will never catch me at a festival like this ever again.  I truly do feel bad for these girls because even at my young age, I can see in their eyes, how lost they truly are.

I agree, you shouldn’t be listening to EDM music as a female past 27-years-old.- nik



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