THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I am a 22 year old new mother who was hooked on heroin/oxys/roxys/anything I could get my hands on to fend off those horrible withdrawals… my story is almost identical to those you posted. I played softball in high school and ended up with a torn rotator cuff. My doc, just like the others, started me on loratabs and norcos which quickly spiraled out of control into a full blown addiction. I’m sure because of underlying problems I had from child hood trauma. After being fed tabs to oxys by my dr. I moved to NY from the midwest JUST BECAUSE I knew a dope dealer who would let me sleep with him for free heroin. So in 4 short years I went from being a B student, enjoyed my schools clubs and played sports (age 16) to being a complete junkie. I left everyone I knew and loved for this drug…at 21, after a year and a half of shooting up multiple times a day, I decided I needed to go back home because I knew I couldn’t continue living this way. Of course I conned some nice older man into funding my way home. I even conned someone into buying me a car… and that right there is just not me, I was completely a slave to my addictions. So, I ended up back at home with my mom, step father, and 18 year old brother. Now, even though I was coming home to get clean things don’t always go as planned. I ended up falling right back into my old patterns. So much so that my own mother had to tell me no more. I came back and instead of even trying to get clean I drug my own brother down with me. I started smoking pot with him, taking xanax and oxys, stealing, lying. I hate myself over this. He had a scholarship for football to a small college out here and he threw it all away because his older sister pulled him down to a place he should have never been. This was all may/summer 2011 at this point I ended up pregnant. My whole family begged me to get an abortion, which broke my heart. But how many times had I broken theirs?? So, I had to tell myself no more. Could I really end my own childs life because of my selfishness?? No. I could never live with myself. so, I did what I could. Researched. Talked to A LOT of doctors. And I was put on a medication called Subutex for the duration of my pregnancy. This is a medication people compare to methadone but it its nothing like it. Just like the other post stated I would score methadone when I couldn’t get my drugs, and if I took enough methadone I would get high. Subutex/Suboxone makes getting high impossible yet keeps withdrawl at bay. I am so thankful for this medication. People can say what they please but this saved my childs and my life. My son was born perfectly healthy, with no signs of withdrawl. I stayed clean from month 2 of my pregnancy. And am still clean 5 months after my son was born. Some people will counter that with but you still take Suboxone daily. Yes I do, but I am able to be the mother I want to be. I don’t wake up every morning wanting to die because I don’t have drugs. Im not sexually promiscuous. I AM TRULY HAPPY. Im not rash and crazy, and my mind is CLEAR. If not for pure determination on my part and Suboxone to aid in my fight, I feel I would be dead. I was telling my fiance the other daythat I started reading this site in 08 and I used to get mad reading what you had to say, but I was only mad because I knew it was true. So thank you nik richie for being the one to really tell me the truth.
Thank you for sharing your story. I hope other prego mothers with substance abuse issues take note.- nik