THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, meet Crystal Ellis she is from OC.  The funny thing is she is from OC but acts like a black person. Well she is a MySpace model from way back when and now she parlayed that into being a fake DJ aka button pusher. She also will do anything to be famous if it means getting naked she is in it, if it means partying drinking all the time and hooking up with celebrity’s she is not attracted to she will, sad thing is Nik is she has a little girl and well it’s sad that this girl does not have her moms attention and she will see all of her moms bad antics one day and try to act like her.

In the end… daughters always become their mothers.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this Khloe wannabe has been on your site multiple times already, but still hasn’t learned her lesson. I’ve known her for years and the b*tch will never change. The b*tch has no job and doesn’t do sh*t all day. Her last job was a nanny and she couldn’t do that right. All she does is watch tv, smoke weed, drink and post pics of herself on IG all day long!!!! Once every two months she posts how she is going on a diet and working out cuz she’s so fat and tired of it, but that lasts for two weeks. B*tch the only workout you do is lifting blunts and In-N-Out burgers to your chubby mouth. She’s been dating this Persian trout for two years now and she’s sucking him dry. He just bought her a BMW and an engagement ring and she now thinks she’s part of the RHOC. She posts how her friends are “jealous” that she has a man who takes care of her and we are all hating. No one is hating on your chubby thighs, hippo belly and watermelon boobs, you Sasquatch!!! She is the fakest b*tch I know. She posts about her faith in God when she hasn’t been to church in over 5 years, people hating on her when we really just laugh behind her back, how she can’t wait to have a family when she aborted her baby and how her relationship is so amazing when she just uses him for money. One last thing….Meredith quit posting pics of you in skin tight clothes. No one wants to see your chubby ass. You in tight clothes and short dresses is like trying to squeeze a walrus into a condom…it just doesn’t work. And please no more boob pics. Those things are so saggy I’m surprised you don’t trip over them when you walk.

This Persian Trout can do much better. This is Newport Beach, the girls out here that are begging to be on payroll are much prettier than this Riverside role model. Terrible investment is you ask me.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, your boys over at TMZ posted this picture of Mischa Barton and dude, what the hell happened to that girl?  She use to be so beautiful and perfect.  Crazy to see what happens when Hollywood is done with you and no longer needs you.  You become fat and gross.  Poor girl.  May her skinny and beautiful frame RIP.

Age and drugs are a woman’s worst enemy.- nik

Congrats to Sword Case, out of all the b*tches on this website you are the Champion. Your inner thigh gap, dark features and plastic surgery has surpassed all Dirty Celebs and International newbies to be crowned March Madness Champion.- nik

**If you are upset about the voting system or the winner please blame Hack Murphy in the comment section. How a blonde didn’t win this tourney makes me more upset than you can imagine.**

THE DIRTY ARMY: Dear Nik, thank you for taking the time daily to keep this website running. I was “posted” here a while back. I wanted to know how to tie down my rich trout, and despite everybody’s comments about how my past job would be suuuuuuch a problem for his family, we are months into our relationship, the Amex card is glowing, I’m glowing… I just have one issue, my trout just keeps gaining weight. Initially, he was..a typical corporate John, you know..some folds around the belly, it was not a big deal, plus with the lifestyle he promised, I thought I could overlook it.. BUT I CAN’T, he just keeps eating.. and eating.. and eating. As I previously mentioned, I belonged to the Top Tier of my Agency, so working out is not an option for me, its MY LIFESTYLE… and I really dont know how to bring this up with my trout, I am seriously no longer in the least bit attracted to him, to be honest, I cringe at the thought of lying in bed with his fat arms around me, so I stay out all day, blowing his money… I am not sure what to do, I know he has OBVIOUSLY begun settling down (as he mentioned he wanted to in my first post), but I can not settle down for a fatty, on the other hand, maybe if I just stick it out, he will eventually lose the weight again, become super hot and we’ll be happy together.. I don’t know how long I can do this, and if I should talk to him about his weight, how do I go about doing that? I REALLY REALLY don’t want to insult him, but holy mother of God, every time I see him open his mouth to eat yet another serving of food, it takes ALL my energy to not just throw the plate down into the garbage. What have I gotten myself into? PLEASE give me some decent advice, not just “get a real job”, I just need to know how other people on the DA cope with having fat spouses, I am so disgusted.

Sounds like you need a new Trout. The problem with fat rich guys is they have no motivation to get skinny. If they pay to bang why should they worry about what they look like? There is nothing you can do because he will just rotate you out if you confront him. If I were you, I would be scouting for your next John.- nik