Paris | Nik Richie + Dirty Army intel, opinions, gossip, satire, and celebrities - Part 4

Tell Me What To Do

January 8, 2012 Dirty Army Strong, Paris, The Dirty 44

Tell me what to do.

THE DIRTY ARMY: I need your advice, Mr. Richie. In many circumstances, I disagree with the way that you treat people, but this time I need your brutal honesty to save my relationship. My fiance is the love of my life. Him and I worked very hard to be together including changing cities and careers to make it work. I’ve got a serious problem. So far, I consider myself to be averagely pretty with a curvy (about 125 pounds at 5’8”) figure. The issue is that want to be very pretty, but every time I suggest having “work done” to my fiance like getting breast implants, having a lip augmentation, ext., he always vehemently disagrees. He pleads with me not to. Please don’t misunderstand, we have plenty of money. I work very hard and so does he. I talk constantly about getting “work done” so that I feel prettier, but he says that I’m beautiful just the way I am, and that he would be very upset if I attempted to change anything. I know that I’m pretty, but I know that with I little bit of work done, I could be very sexy. But here is the REAL issue: Lately, we haven’t been having sex. I mean NO SEX. No sexual contact of any kind. I beg for it, but he just isn’t interested. My first idea was that he was cheating on me, but believe me when I say that it is an impossibility. He has no time for it. I’ve dated cheating men, I’m not an idiot. He isn’t cheating. We are either at work or together. If I had to guess, I would say that it is because he is too tired or depressed. I’m trying, I swear. I’m always asking if he would like a blow-job, ext., but he just thanks me and apologizes. Is it me? Is it him? I love him and I know that he loves me. We’re so solid. We’re so happy. What do I do? I just want to feel sexy again. Everyone else I’ve dated, I’ve had to fight off constantly. How can he be so uninterested in sex and yet when I suggest making myself sexier, he seems to be totally against it? Like I said, I usually think that you are too harsh but this time I know that I need your honesty. I just want him to want me again. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it. Please don’t post my personal pictures. I’ll die. To Nik Richie Only: I submitted a photo of myself in a bikini this summer (I’m sorry that it isn’t good quality), a photo of my face, and a photo for you to post on the website. FYI: I’m a brunette with a 34B bust, 25 inch waist, 36 inch hip, no gap between my thighs, cellulite that I’m trying very hard rid of, and no tan because I don’t want skin cancer. I wish I could look like Shayne. I’m begging you, don’t post the pictures of me. I swear to God I’m not a sh*t head. I work so f*cking hard at not being a sh*t head. I just want to be happy. Please.

My honest answer is that you need to be selfish. Sex in a relationship is based on love and need. In my mind when the sex ends so does the relationship. From what I have read he is not your soulmate and only a friend says, “you are perfect and don’t need work done”. I personally think you need 3 separate procedures. Email me to discuss [email protected]- nik

+ Submit More Info 44 Comments

Be Gentle

January 6, 2012 Paris, The Dirty 37

Be gentle!

Be gentle!

Be gentle!

THE DIRTY ARMY: Hey Nik! Love your website. Just got into it this year but I am already soo hooked! Anyway, this is a self post (finally got the courage) & I’m wondering if you could give me some advice! I’m only 17 so I’m not asking would you. Please be gentle.

Ask me again when you are 18. I don’t have time for kids.- nik

+ Submit More Info 37 Comments

Worldwide Health Scare Regarding +2′s

December 26, 2011 Dirty News, Paris, The Dirty 9

Good to be a P-I-P

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, have you heard?  There is a worldwide health scare concerning PIP’s breast implants that have been distributed all over and more than 30,000 women are due to have them removed. The CEO Jean-Claude Mas is on the run from Interpol, but still insists that the recall is unnecessary and that he’s selling a safe product. Yeah right, using industrial silicon instead of medical grade to cut corners you asshole…  Since you are a strong believer in the +2′s, what would you say to make sure women are protecting themselves from parasites like Jean-Claude?

Boycott all his movies. I just burned my VHS tape of Bloodsport.- nik

Click here to read full article.

+ Submit More Info 9 Comments

Hate Mail

November 10, 2011 Dirty Army Strong, Paris, The Dirty 40

Hate Mail

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I am writing this with the hope that once, just once, you and your team finally decide to post something that has been submitted by somebody with half of a brain. I am also writing in response to several posts, but mainly the recent one referring to catwalk models and fashion purposefully making people look stupid for a laugh.  What I have to say to that person, is the same thing that I have to say to you: Grow up. Grow up and stop feeding the notion that women must fit a mould of ideals to be loved. You are no better than an abusive husband. You are worse, in fact, because you are doing it on a mass scale.  What your type of man (and trust me, you are a “type”) finds attractive in a woman is everything that is wrong with the world. It’s greedy, unnatural and unhealthy. Your train of thought and others like it is what is setting our society back in everything that we hope to achieve.  Although as a former model, I found the fashion industry cold, cut-throat and unhealthy at times, I also admired the fact that they always demanded that the models were all-natural. A nose was never big, it was Roman. Breasts could never be too small, because despite your mens’ love for silicone, clothes hang much more beautifully on a woman with a smaller chest. And most importantly, I have never once looked at a girl with under-plucked eyebrows and thought “What a tramp.” Quite the opposite. Women with thick eyebrows tend to be the ones that understand that there is beauty in being genuine, enjoy their bodies healthily, embrace their 30′s and look forward to laugh lines. That is the type of woman that ends up happy. Have your tastes and opinions Mr. Richie, but please do not site them as facts. Women can be and are beautiful without having been sifted through your ridiculous colander of ideals.

Everyone is entitled to their own perception of beauty. I just voice mine… it doesn’t mean you have to follow it. Naturals do suck in bed though.- nik

+ Submit More Info 40 Comments

Victoria Valasquez Is A Con-Artist

October 10, 2011 Dirty Craigslist, Las Vegas, Oklahoma, Paris 3

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this girl likes to use people, dyke out via craigslist w4w and sugar daddy ads, steals panties, and tries to blackmail you. She owns a mortgage company in Rio Rancho, New Mexico called Lynn Mortgage LLC. She drives a red porche boxter some guy gave her and has two worthless pomerian dogs.  She has no heart and will try to get whatever she can from whoever she can get it from!! She worked at the Wynn as a chef and used to have a local food program in New Mexico. These photos are not up to date because she gained 50 pounds since these were taken! Be careful if you see this shady woman! She moves from city to city using people and im sure shes ruined peoples lives in Tulsa, Rio Rancho NM, Las Vegas, and now she is on her way abroad to paris.

She looks like a younger/fatter version of Janet Jackson.- nik

+ Submit More Info 3 Comments

Hollywood Promoter Buzzini’s New Girl From France

September 30, 2011 Hollywood, Paris, The Dirty 55

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, Buzzini, the Hollywood promoter, has been seen in Hollywood with a new girl. She’s a french “maid” but I’m guessing she does more than clean the bed. She looks sweet and innocent, but if she is hanging around with Buzzini she definitely belongs on TheDirty!! What do you think of this new power couple Nik?

I remember when I wore a scarf in the summer and my smelly french fry had hoop earrings the size of the Olympics (never).- nik

+ Submit More Info 55 Comments

Your Website Is Best For Many Reasons

August 30, 2011 Paris, The Dirty 137

Hey nik!!

THE DIRTY ARMY: Hey Nik, I’m a rich trout and I LOVE YOUR WEBSITE. Not only is it popular in America but it is best in Europe. I have been visiting your website for quite some time now and I love how these peasant dogs go against some of your decisions.  I’ll admit almost 90% of my money is inheritance but still a 10% gain in 20 years is amazing when you’re talking about billions. But the woman you criticize I would never sleep with and these dogs say they would. I can tell your a man of high tastes just by how you judge woman.  I guess this website is like the playboy pen pal system. I have an amazing story from just the weekend. I am part of a society its like a rotary club and we do specific fun things together. This weekend I flew out to St.Tropez, France to spend some time in my villa. During my visit there a confidant of mine gave me a ring and said they where going to take what we call a “happy boat ride”.  I immediately canceled all of my plans for the day and got ready to go on happy boat ride. Now what a happy boat ride is we usually pay HIGH CLASS prostitutes. These are prostitutes you can only meet through referral. You won’t find them on internet sites or magazines for escorts. We basically pay them a small amount of money each ranging from 10-15 grand a lot of us own private airliners that we used to fly them in so the travel fee I’m not really including. This is literally how much I spend on 2 dinners sometimes 1, and for only this amount. We get to piss on these girls sh*t in their mouths, f*ck them anally and then back in their mouth. Honestly we don’t get any sexual pleasure from sh*tting and pissing on them but its the same form of satisfaction you get from c*mming on a woman’s face the satisfaction of degrading her but 100 times more you should try but not with your wife. When I masturbate for the next 3 days I don’t even think about the event I just think about the girls crying and not being able to sleep and being depressed/distraught because of it. Its a lot more satisfying.  Anyways the interesting part of this story is one of them fought. As soon as we started pissing on them one of them started speaking fast english and crying. She refused to eat sh*t at first but then when she was informed she would not be getting paid OR getting a plane ride to her homeland she proceeded to eat my sh*t. I love american prostitutes they think they still have a sense of entitlement, we rarely have problems with czech or french girls.   It’s honestly AMAZING what some people let you do to them for only thousands of dollars. The best part about this whole story is I didn’t even leave St.Tropez after I’m still here in France and this weekend just because of the fighter we are doing an ONLY AMERICAN boat ride with virgin girls. Not actual virgins but girls who never been on a boat ride before. This is going to be amazing.  It’s only Sunday but three more days and on Wednesday I get piss and sh*t on girls ALL OVER AGAIN!! Honestly for the young people reading this website, stay in school get high marks and get into business school. Even though you won’t get the most attractive girls in highschool, you’ll be able to sh*t and piss in their mouths later.

Everyone has a price and this submission proves it.- nik

+ Submit More Info 137 Comments


July 19, 2011 Paris 1



THE DIRTY ARMY: Unlike her i’m not low enough to talk sh*t on her child. But Tiffany is one of the biggest sluts i’ve ever met. She cheated on her ex ALL the time than blamed him and claimed he did a bunch of sh*t that he didnt. He is now in jail bc of claims that she made that aren’t even true and was “in love” with another guy only a couple of wks after she broke up with him!! And now their engaged. She has no selfesteem so shes always putting others dwn. its disgusting. Its time smeone lets her know that shes NOT perfect.

She doesn’t look french.  Probably cause I can’t see her teeth.- nik

+ Submit More Info 1 Comments