THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, his girl is Kim or Tim Frick… she claims she is a nurse. Someone better find out where and get her fired. She snorts all sorts of drugs on a weekly basis with her “crew” she looks like a tranny. Her t*ts are the size of soccer balls, and she wears boots in the summer time. She has 3 restraining orders against her from guys that she stalked. She has also been banged out by the “Anthony GHB” behind his pig messed up teeth stealing, crack smoking heroin shooting girlfriends back.

I believe we are talking about Timmy on the right in purple?- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, first of all I love your site..you’re awesome! I’ve been thinking about submitting this for a while now since I can’t really ask anyone for advice..so here we go. Basically I’ve been dating this guy for about 6 months now. He is amazing to me. He treats me like every girl should be treated, like a queen. I did not have sex with him until we became official, which is about 3 months ago. Here is where the problem begins.. Nik, he is waaaaaaaay too small for me!! He’s no more than 3 inches on his best day! I LOVE sex just not with him. I find myself making up excuses not to do it because i just don’t feel like faking it. I actually fake it all the time so I can help him finish faster because I just dont feel like dealing with it. I often look at other men. I constantly find myself wanting to txt/call my ex (sex was amaaazing) as well. Nik what should I do? Should I leave him? and no, toys are not an option, never been a fan, I need/want the real deal!! BTW he is a little bit on the chubby side, I got him Cellan about two weeks ago and HOLLY SH*T IT WORKS!

You need to leave him. The longer you stay with him the bigger impression you are making on his heart. Make the break up quick and clean so he can heal faster. Also, you must be honest with him and tell him why. A man cannot develop unless he knows his flaws. This will only help him on his journey of finding another girl who doesn’t care about his Greg size.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, you just ripped this juicehead last week, guess he thinks he showed you by getting an even worse tattoo on his back then he already had, I think it goes well with his tramp stamp though. Can you tell me why he can’t get any hot girls being as how hot he thinks he is? The best was he showed up at the Piazza with no shirt on to show off his terrible tattoo and everyone was freezing outside, guess since he was surrounded by some other monkeys all G’d up he figured he could stay warm. Bet you’re really sorry you made fun of him, he really showed you who’s stupid. Luv Ya xoxoxox.

I don’t hate you Mr. GHB, I just think you’re an idiot.- nik

ALSO SEE: Philly/South NJ’s Number One Douchebag

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this here is Anahi she’s a famous Spanish singer/actress. I think she’s beautiful and seeing her grow through the years as a Latin star had only added to my admiration of her. I’m a straight female and she happens to be my lesbian fantasy. So tell me would you Nik?

I need to see real pictures.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, I know that with the NHL Playoffs heating up, you’ve been talking more and more about the Kings. The Flyers GM Paul Holmgren chased Kings’ stars Mike Richards and Jeff Carter out of Philly because these two love to party (just like every other hockey player) and their off-ice “activities” were setting a bad example for their young players. He made a move to try and send his team further into the playoffs by sending them both packing. Well that sure as hell backfired as the Flyers got handed their asses handed to them by New Jersey Tuesday. Carter and Richards led LA as they knocked off the top two seeds in the West, now they play Phoenix in the Western Conference Finals. So who is taking that series, Kings or Coyotes?

Kings all the way my friend.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, the current Megan H. She’s put on at least 30lbs. This is in response to that obvious self-post this old washed up hag put. The only “District” this chick is managing is the only below the old man’s belt who owns that no-name payroll company she “works” for. Nik, would you? DO I even have to ask? lol.

The arms say it all.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, please meet the one and only Anthony ‘GHB’ Guerriero. He resides in the Tri-State area and apparently thinks he is God’s Gift to Earth. A little back info on him is that he is pushing 40 years old and has been seen in the clubs ranging from Atlantic City to Philly. Not to mention he looks like the clubs after about 20 years have taken a major toll on him. He makes posts on Facebook talking about how he is practically addicted to and sells ‘GHB’ which is a date rape drug which can also be taken with amphetamines such as coke, ecstasy, etc to elevate his high. GHB-Man refers to this as dishing out scoops or in other words a bottle cap full of this potent dangerous liquid drug. He has also been through a few cycles of roids and by looking at his humorous shirtless mirror pics you can tell he is obviously doing it all wrong. He appears to be about 150 pounds soak and wet. In addition he must also think the Tupac front knotted bandanna gets panties wet. I understand that some people get caught up in the club scene but there is a time to realize that you are now an adult!

His shoulders are bigger than his chest. Mr. GHB, you are working out wrong or need pec implants.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is the girl from I Now Pronouce You Chuck and Larry and a few other things. Her name is Michele Karmin from South Jersey. She is a singer. So I have to ask…..would you?

Answer: No, she is too heavy and healthy for my taste. Also, she is not famous enough to suck in like that.

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, so not sure how often you’ve been to Philadelphia, but apparently the city is just filled with nasty sloots. Here are two prime examples: Melanie Eisenmann and Christie McQuiggan. Eisenmann is a 25 year old cocktail waitress who think she’ll do that until she’s 53. She brags about being a D cup and getting blacked out every weekend. Let’s face it, if she’s a D cup, I’m effing Hugh Hefner. And the tan line pic? Really? Does anyone actually think that’s hot? I find it repulsive. McQuiggan is an “accountant” by day, cleat chaser/jersey chaser/puck rat by night. Her goal is to sleep with Logan Morrison, while screwing any athlete that rolls through Philadelphia. She brags on twitter about cheating on every boyfriend she’s every had, but then whines that only douches want to date her. She’s also said on twitter that she doesn’t care if her partner has herpes because “everyone else has them.” She constantly begs on twitter for people to sext her. Let’s face it, the girl has never seen a tanning bed and her best physical feature is her +2′s. Please bring these girls down a notch.

A fraction of an unphotoshopped face is all you need to know this ones beat.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this girl is a nymph who loves giving and receiving more than a call girl, only difference she’s the pimptress and her man Matty gets the royal treatment for free. She treats him to pedicures, blowjobs, and lap dances at Delilahs in Philly every T*tty Tuesday, hell she spends more money on him than he does on her and he’s got a lucrative business, pimping her dumb*ss out. Also she luvs the girls and can toss salad like a pro. This fish-lipped, fat fore-headed sloot thinks she is cute and wants to be the next mulatto queen. She thinks she is part of some lame group called Mulatto Ho*s when in actuality she ought to be getting botox for that big ass head and hoping she doesn’t continue to spread DRD to her next trick. BTW she thinks shes sexy, and looks like Cindy Crawford. I see no resemblance. The marijuana has finally gotten to her little brain and she needs some real schooling. Would u let Jessica Lynne Harris be your main squeeze?

Her man is also her photoshopper.  I decided.- nik