THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, a few months ago I’m in Seattle for a college roommates engagement party. It was rather dull, so after a few of the girls decide to hit Baltic Room. This guy starts chatting me up saying he’s a Mariners player and huge hedge fund manager. It turns out he was ONCE actually a Seattle Mariner and his name is Tom Oldham. BTW, he’s no hedge fund manager. Just a compliance rat in a cube at Mutual of Omaha. Anyways, we go back to his hotel do some coke and unfortunately I slept with him. A few weeks ago I’m in the shower touching myself before work and feel a bump. I assumed it was an ingrown hair. Well, fast forward and now I have an appointment at the gyno. Beware ladies.
That hat doesn’t look like a real baseball cap.- nik