THE DIRTY ARMY:  Nik, please don’t use my name. But Simon and Eddie were not friends?????

Tamra Barney’s hand placement kind of concerns me considering she was married to Simon when this picture was taken.- nik

Also See: Exclusive Update: Tamra Barney Of The Real Housewives Tells Us The Truth?

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, since all this drama with Tamra and her loser douchebag husband Simon I wanted to ask you about OC’s Alexis Bellino.  She is super hot with an amazing body and wanted to see what you think?  Personally I totally would but just a few times, I watch the show and when I see how her children see their nanny as their mom and that makes me sick to my stomach.  I mean the girl has never changed a diaper?  What kind of mom is that?  Would you with any of the Housewives any city with a gun to your head and to cure cancer?

Answer:  In the real world it wouldn’t happen because I am not a fan of her face, but if I had no choice and the world needed me to save lives I would sacrifice my Greg for Alexis over any other housewife from all cities (eyes closed though).

**On another note Gretchen Rossi’s make up line is no longer taking orders.  My insider that is in her camp told me they are making up a story (lie) that all their products are sold out, but the real issue is supposedly suppliers are not happy that funds are going through Slade Slimey’s paypal account.  Who really cares?  They are both con artists.

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik this is the man you had up as caption of the day…This girl should be a dirty celeb. She posts this sh*t on her myspace for all to see… Not only is she a purple crayon chaser, but here she is smoking a bong with her son in the other room. Good parenting? Can we please give her a dirty celeb nickname?

This gypsy is way too ugly to become a Dirty Celeb, sorry but I have to have standards.- nik

Also See: Caption Of The Day

CSI actor gets beat up by his girlfriend. Stupid Celebrities

Lady Gaga gets sued for 30 million by her ex boyfriend. PopCrunch

Oprah heads to trial.. again. PopSquire

Holly Madison is good luck. WWTDD

Reggie Bush dumped Kim Kardashian?? Hollywood OC

More fun with Tiger Woods’ sex texts. DeadSpin

Octomom is going broke. TMZ

Jesse James apologizes for cheating on wife. Anything Hollywood

Alec Baldwin vs. Mike Walker. Dlisted

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THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this girl is one of Cleveland’s finest. She is a Hawaiian Tropics model and was just in Maxim. Not only is she very beautiful but she has a great personality also.

But she is a man with terrible armpits… so much for personality.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is Justine Cu**co aka jquanksta. You’ll most likely find her on Wednesday nights at La Cave. Shes gorgeous and knows how to have a good time and definitely does not reek of noodles! So Nik would you?

Answer:  No, besides her painted face… I am not a hipster so we wouldn’t have chemistry.

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nick, meet Javier. This 40 year old Ed-Farty-Wearing Promoter claims to throw some of Hollywood’s Hottest “A-List ” Parties… Word on the streets is he only promotes burned-out Hollywood spots packed with thugs, shims and underage girls from the 909 that are looking to score some pepsi off of him… He supposedly has a gf that’s half his age but rumor is he is for the gays and lives with another 40 year old man, his business partner (and maybe life partner?) ….He always has a camera crew following him and he’s been claiming for years that he has a reality show coming out on MTV about the ‘Life of a Hollywood A-List Promoter’. As horrible as this idea sounds, maybe it could be the West-Coast version of Jersey Shore?

Haha this guy is a joke.  More like D-List Promoter… the key to getting young ass when you are fat and ugly is to have Pepsi handy and to pretend you are shooting a TV show.  The stupid chicks will flock to you.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik this is Jessica she thinks she is so freaking hot, she loves shutting guys down, she claims she hates men so she hangs out with Forgy guys, Yet at the end of the day she loves scumbag guidos.  I wanted to ask you why do hot chicks like her always seem to hang out with a bunch of Forgys and how to I over come them and get a date with her?

Why would you want to date her?  She has a horse face and a soft stomach besides the fact she is from Philly and has dark hair.  Let the gays have her.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Alright Nik let me start off by saying that I love escorts, they are one of the greatest things on earth.  You can take one out for less then you would spend on a night out with a date, their hot, you don’t need to worry about what you say to them or worry about any drama or arguments (other than for their bill) and to top it off you get to sleep with them!!!  Anyways let me get to the point of this story, this is Lauren Stoner…an escort.  I broke my rules and spent waaay more money then a I usually do ($2500, more then I usually spend, but how can you resist a hottie like this) and I guess you could say she broke the escort rules as well.  This girl would not stop talking she went on and on about all this stuff she wants to do, or is going to do and how productive she is and she gave me a sob story about how no one takes her seriously or believes in her, blah blah blah…HELLO, your an escort.  So on top of having to listen to her talk all night (well half a night) she ended up charging me an extra $1000, cause I guess her price only included a night out not any extras…If ya catch my drift.  O Nik get this she told me she worked with Kim Kardashian and that they were opening a store together here in Miami, she said her and Kim were gunna be starring in some new TV show about it.  I am sure whatever station picked that up would love to have an escort working for them…Nik why do girls always gotta lie, think theres any truth to these stories.

From what I have been hearing Kim K is trying to leave her show and will probably do a spin off with just her and Reggie.  But who cares because reality TV ruins relationships and families no matter who is in them.  As for this hussy Lauren, you got ripped off.  My boy got her for cheaper… I believe the escort agency he went through was LA Direct or something like that.- nik

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Since you all know I am a Gentleman to the highest degree.  I would like to share my NCAA bracket with the DIRTY ARMY and get your thoughts.  Carry on.