THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is Filippa Lennartsson. Shes a ubiquitous leather jacket wearing, fake tan having, Swede studying alcoholism at SBCC in Santa Barbara. Shes a total b*tch and is kinda beat. Put her on blast.

Talk about a neck.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this girl Samie is really something. She goes around Santa Barbara, and UCSB acting like a dumb sl*t when she is actually really smart. She sleeps with every guy in her sight, and is only a freshman. She needs to be checked, because only god knows what she has.  Someone needs to tell her to stop wasting her potential.

And to wear her hair down at all times. Her brain is massive.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is one of the most fowel butterfaced sloots you find in IV, and that’s saying something because it is IV named Nielah. She loves drama and attention at any cost. She will have a new set of friends every week because she runs through them so fast but not as fast as she uses up her fuck buddies. As far as I’ve counted her number has reached well over 15 and she is only a freshman. We are pretty sure she had a few pregnancy & DRD scares and planned parenthood has become very familiar with her. If you happen to have the pleasure of getting her over to party or go out and party with her be prepared. You might end the night in a 3-some or have your entire house wrecked because she went crazy. You’ll never know which card you will draw that night. You could get lucky or not so lucky. A few tricks that I’ve picked up on are alcohol is a must, a p*nis and whips are optional and maybe a little snow or ganja to calm her down if she goes loco. The only nice things are her tits cause everything other part has been wrecked. She puts up a front for everyone and changes drastically changing to the point of hating her. One night stands are the definition of this bi*ch. Once she makes new friends she talks mad sh*t on the previous ones. This person is THE Queen of dirty sluoos of Isla Vista.

She must have a great respiratory system with that beak.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: would love to know what u think of the guy’s of (MSTcrew) so tell us ppl what u think of the cool guys ??

I think they all live under the same 3 bedroom roof….I deleted 3 of the other guys, too many D bags.- nik

(Click on the Image to see a picture her parents would love)

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this little blonde sl*t is Jamie Kaltenback. Let’s just say shes down for it all. Puts herself out there by telling guys “women are made for using for sex and one night stands”.  Is known for peeing in beds, and throwing up in showers, dumbest blonde bimbo that flashes her fake t*ts all over Isla Vista… news flash honey, your boobs look like a pair of florescent watermelons, put them away, no one wants to see that sh*t! Quit spreading your DRD, sucking everyone’s Greg, and try to remember who you have sex with so you can let them know they need to be tested when you leave those beds you piss on each night of the week. Thank god her twin sister is A LITTLE more conservative…..dont be fooled, the one that goes to city college is plenty more clean than the fatter one that goes to UC.

She has warped nipples.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Hey Nik, I need your professional opinion. I find this girl incredibly unique. So unique that I can’t even tell if she’s hot. Her name is Mikaela and she’s originally from VanDirty, and she must be part Chinese or something. Her eyes are so blue and shes really skinny and blonde just how you like it. Shes also super rich and now lives Cali. So Nik, what do you think? Would you stick it in?

Answer: No, I don’t stick it in X-Men. She looks like a Swedish-Asian.

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this girl claims to be Jessica Smith with her little friend Johanna Shorts. They both have facebooks and talk to all these guys and try to get with them. They say there from Austin Texas but know one has ever met or seen this girl? They dont have cell phones either its 2011 what 20 year old doesnt have a cell phone..Who are these girls for real??

Too be honest, do you really care? She has no upper lip, fat wrinkles on her neck, smokers teeth and her friend is below a 4.69927718 rating. Sounds like a waste of dial-up minutes to me.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is McCarthy Bray. She is a crazy b*tch, alcoholic, and huge sl*t everyone knows it. She doesn’t go to UCSB she goes to SBCC because she is f*cking dumb. She is disgusting I mean look at her! She also claims that my friend is a bigger sl*t than her… yeah right i heard she slept with 3 guys in one night at her famous neon party she had her senior year (WH*RE) and who know what her count is now! She is a ugly h*e. She is the fakest girl ever even her tan is fake. Oh yeah I forgot to mention she is a homewrecker. Get a life b*tch cause you suck!

Why are her bottoms so tight? what’s she holding back?- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Dear Nik, this fruity prick thinks he’s the straight up sh*t… more like a piece of sh*t… that smells….. his pube face could give you crabs from a mile away. This kid thinks he knows everything about “drugs” tries to impress everyone he meets but ends up just looking like a fool. BEWARE! NOOOO SWAAGGG.

Naked in the University (UCSB) library… every impressive.- nik

THE DIRTY ARMY: Dearest Nik, Meet freshman, Danielle Fessenden, the b*tches  dtke to walk the streets of Isla Vista and UCSB. Danielle is so far in the closet she’s scissoring the ice queen of Narnia. She must really love it at UCSB because there are bikini clad girls everywhere! Wherever there are half naked girls, Danielle is there. It’s obvious she only joined a sorority so she could sneak in a little groping during pillow fights and powderpuff football. Besides, we all know her previous dorm mate moved out because Danielle was coming on to her and blatantly watching her when she would hook-up or change clothes. She obviously needs to get some soon because she’s been cranky and bitchy beyond belief. Perhaps you could send her a vibrator to tie her over?

They are definitely too comfortable with their looks, I wish they’d loss some self confidence and switch to a sun dress.- nik